Helpful Homework Tips

DaneishaReneeFrazier - posted on 10/06/2013 ( 138 moms have responded )

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My child is a teenager and she doesn't like doing her homework. Ever since her dad bought her an iPhone5, she's always on her phone and thinks that she doesn't have to do anything around the house. Now she is trying to make me buy her the iPhone 5c or either the iPhone Z. How can I get her off the phone and doing her homework.

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Jodi - posted on 10/06/2013

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Take the phone off her. Simple. The rule in my house is when you get home in the afternoon, the phone and ALL electronic devices go on the kitchen bench. You don't get it back until homework is complete and chores are done. If you lie to me about homework and chores being complete, I WILL find out (amazing how teachers and parents talk) and then you lose it altogether, including during your leisure time. I don't care who bought it (my son bought his own phone and pays his own credit) my house, my rules, I pay for your education, and your homework, chores, responsibilities take priority, just like in real life.

Your daughter can't "make" you do anything without your co-operation.

Vivienne - posted on 10/13/2013

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Hi I am a grandmother of four and I brought up three teenagers..two boys and a girl. The girl loved school and she loved doing her homework and would involve me with it. She had self discipline. The boys were different....they would rather be doing anything else so when they came in from school I would ask them about their day, we shared a snack and a drink and then it was homework time before dinner. They cannot concentrate after a meal ie dinner so always best to do it first. Ask what they have to do, take an interest, get involved, even though you cannot always understand it. Offer ways to research, explain to make notes first and plan and then do the assignment. Do not let them do homework in their room, make them part of the family group and respect they need peace and quiet to do it. The phone should remain in their bag until they have finished their homework. Explain if they were at work they would not be able to take calls and would have to wait until break time or lunch time...It is self discipline and doing one task at a time...good training for the work place. When homework is finished and after dinner they can call friends, p,ay games on the apps and watch TV. Not before! If you confiscate the phone until they have finished their homework you are not trusting them. It is good to learn respect and trust for each other. Bribery does not work either as they will grow up thinking they will get a reward for every good thing they do instead of their own sense of worth and job satisfaction in a job well done. Good luck and patience as it will not be achieved in a day but stay consistent and focused yourself...

Christina - posted on 10/13/2013

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If she isn't doing her homework then she should not have a phone. All you are teaching her is that she can do what she wants and doesn't have any responsibility or consequences. My son is 14 and has no phone... he cant get a phone until his grades improve. In fact he isn't allowed to do anything fun when his grades are not good. If you let your daughter get away with the important things in life then she wont be a very successful adult and you are only hurting her future by being a friend instead of the mom she needs. It sucks to take things away but that's how they learn.

Diane - posted on 10/21/2013

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This is a very easy fix, take away the Iphone. You are the parent. Act like it. Home work comes first, then after you make sure her homework is done she can use it again. Better yet iphone only on weekends. You really need to remember you are in charge, not your child. How did your Mother handle you when you were young? Your daughter needs a mother not another friend. Dad was wrong in giving her the phone. She needs to earn it. I raised six childen , all are grown now and they all work for what they want, and to this day none of them have an iPhone. oldest is 39 and youngest is 20, Take away her phone.
an old school Mom

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I would say that the iPhone should be taken away until she completes her chores and does her homework. You take away the things they love most. That should get her moving! :) And as for upgrading her phone have her save up money she earns so she can buy it herself. That will teach her not only responsibility but also how to save money. A win-win!

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Jean - posted on 11/25/2013

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I had somewhat the same problem with my daughter and her grades and cell phone so now as long as her grade are kept up and she does her chores she can use her phone but once something slips the phone is grounded.
As far as her grades, make her sit at your dinning room table until her home work is done.
I have been accused of being a very harsh parents but I believe it is for their own good. We can't do the work for them and so we have to teach them in all things.
My daughter can cook, do laundry and has learned to clean. I sometimes have to remind her what she needs to do. Along with the fact she has to get up at 5 a.m. and we leave for school by 6:15 a.m. and she doesn't get home (on normal school days) until 4 p.m.
Her grade do slip but she is doing better and as she learns what is expected I feel she will grow into a very productive woman. She is only allowed to have a trac phone and if she needs the internet she can use my lap top or the computer. She doesn't have a facebook account or anything like that. She is wanting to get her drivers license and I told her when she can prove she is trustworthy and can keep her grades up she will be allowed to get it but with some restrictions.
Good luck and don't give in;
Jean

Gloria - posted on 11/22/2013

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OMG!!! Sounds just like my daughter - and hers is Not an iPh 5 but a bb & she is Asking for one -plus that she is always with big headph around the house even when she does her homework / but she dont want to engage in a single chore !.

Sue - posted on 11/22/2013

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Take her OUT of government indoctrination centers where she is taught to go with the crowed and care only about peer pressure. The purpose of public schooling is to make us all into communists. That is what "socialization" is. I looked it up in the oldest dictionaries I could find. The 1828 did not have the term. The 1913 said " "socialization" _ to render socialistic. " And no, that does not mean to get along well with others. It means to accept the chains of communism without even so much as a good fight. It means to go along with the crowd and not buck "authority". It means to stop being individualistic and free.

Amee - posted on 11/19/2013

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Parenting can b hard but you have to be furm on her... take her phone off her put it up high and tell her how it is at home.give her some options and tell her that she has to do her her work or u will get rid of her phone.

Amy - posted on 11/18/2013

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Many times too, you can set some parental controls that only allow here access to her phone for so many hours in a day. Just like the computer. But I'll be honest with you, I totally agree with the other ladies, your teen needs a reality check. Take her phone and let her know that you are the boss and that school and chores take precedence over her social life. She is getting into young adulthood before you know and needs to understand that life doesn't work this way. If you let her continue on this path you will be angry with yourself later because you are only setting her up for failure. Be strong. Remember we do things like this because we want the best for our children not to hurt them.

Mila - posted on 11/17/2013

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You have to stand firm and tell her you know what is best for her if the phone is the problem then you take the phone is better to be firm with her now and show her that you are in charge .good luck

Bronwyn - posted on 11/14/2013

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Take her phone away... dont let her bully you.... show her you are in charge and
stand your ground, She will love you more for showing her you are the adult and will guide her in the best way possible. If you cant get her to live by your rules now how are you going to do it when she is 16..... Dont let her push the boundries .....as long as you have boundries. Good luck

Legacyforce - posted on 11/14/2013

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Take it! Tell her I'm confiscating your phone for one week, in that week you must do all your homework and chores without me asking. Tell her this is going to hurt, but it hurts me to to see you not appreciating your dad and I. Explain to her the truth, we pay your cell phone bill and all we ask is that you get an education, chores are set in place to give you responsibility.
Hopefully it works if not try 2 weeks, teens can't live without there phone.

Joyce - posted on 11/10/2013

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If she won't do homework take the phone. And if she won't give it back shut off service to it! Tell her she has to earn the new phone. That's how it was with my kids.

Laura - posted on 11/09/2013

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Take the phone off her!
And beth is right set the phone to turn off she will freak out but there won't be any arguments!

Anissa - posted on 11/08/2013

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Really?? You are the parent. You make the rules. It really is that simple. I have a teenage daughter also and the phone is a privlege not a necessity. Stop trying to be her friend and be her mom. you can be friends when shes and adult. As far as the dad goes. I dont know the type of relationship between you but you need support on this from him.as well.

Dd - posted on 11/05/2013

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Tell her that if her marks reflect her study habits, that the phone she currently has will be taken away until such time as her marks improve. Now if her marks are good and she isnt failing, then whats the problem? She must be doing something right to be passing. Im going through the same with my teens. They need to learn from their mistakes...even if they have to learn the hard way. They are hurting themselves in the long run. If she has decent friends, its amazing how her peers will have influence on her and I dont meant that in the negative way. Set the boundaries..ie lose the cell or whatever her lifeline is and the rest will falk into place. Good kuck.

Beth - posted on 11/05/2013

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When our daughter would not put the phone away and do homework/chores, we used parental controls offered by our wireless carrier. Without telling our daughter ahead of time, we set her phone to come on after school dismissed and turn off at 8:00 p.m. giving her enough time to complete her homework and do the dishes before bedtime. We as parents, refused to argue with a teenager. It costs $5/monthly. But if parents spend the money on a upgradeed phone, then apparently money isn't an issue. The $5 is worth it. Trust me. When the phone suddenly shuts down, the child runs down the stairs, insisting that something is wrong with it and we must call the carrier. That moment is PRICELESS!!!! You can high five your spouse when they go back upstairs without even arguing with them.

Eva - posted on 11/04/2013

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Restrict use of the iphone 5 until she has done her homework and chores...that should work....

If not, then take it away for a longer period of time.

She must learn that necessities come first.

Eva McAtee

Lisa - posted on 11/02/2013

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Easily resolved. You are the parent, you take the phone away ......dont bow down to any of her "demands" such as getting her the new Iphone......to many teens and even adults are losing their ability to live in the real world...they are glued to a phone. Stop her use of it, or limit her time on it. You will thank yourself and she might thank you too someday that she actually has a life, not glued to her phone. Remember YOU are the parent.

User - posted on 11/01/2013

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I never have understood these kind of questions!! YOU are the parent, take the phone away. Act like a parent and let her know what is expected smh

Cathryn - posted on 10/30/2013

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Be the parent! Set rules, limits and boundaries. Stop trying to be her friend. She will hate it and you but will at some point realize you were right. I know this from experience.

Alexsandra - posted on 10/29/2013

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Tell her she can have the money it cost for the I phone, and then offer her some alternatives. Teens are only 1/2 to having their brain being fully developed. She needs to be using her body in sports, dance or something physical, musical or something more productive. Could the man who gave her the phone instead offer to pay for her to have weekly classes in something she enjoys, martial arts, whatever. If it is connection she craves, get a pet that is hers and she takes full responsibility for it's care minus the vet bills. I would not accept this under any conditions! Let her know that you love her deeply, that you understand she will be angry at you for taking it away. Although she might not be able to understand it now, she will in time. I did this with our teen son and it did not take long for him to bounce back. it is crucial your daughter trusts your judgements in life based on how YOU live. So if you are glued to technology, that will form a problem for her. Set a good example in the home. In this way, she can accept it more readily. Being a police mom is such a drag and some gadget ought not to ruin her life or your relationship with her.
Something else I did that worked fabulously was to ask him: "This is not working. I have tried to do what I can do. What would you suggest we do with this situation?"

Natalie - posted on 10/29/2013

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Just take the phone and put up out of reach and turn volume down so she doesn't hear it when homework is done and done right give it back do the same each night if she doesn't do work no phone hide it you are the parent Good Luck she won't like it but to Bad

Bonnie - posted on 10/29/2013

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I think you already know the answer to this: 1. The minute she gets home from school, make her sit down in the living room at do her homework. Don't let her go in her room. Tell her if she takes her phone out at all, it goes away for the rest of the night. 2. Tell her she can't have the new iPhone until she can do her homework every night for a month without having to be told about her existing phone. Keep track on a real calendar.

She's a teenager, so she will hate this. It will work.

Carol Ann - posted on 10/28/2013

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Talk to your daughter and explain to her that she cannot use her phone until her homework is done! Period

Tamera - posted on 10/25/2013

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Take the phone away. Its the only way she wil learn that homework is more important. My son is 10 when he won't do his home work, we start taking away things he likes.. starting with wrestling and go from there. The only ones of our 6kids that has a phone are my stepsons only because they use it to call their dad. (They live over 4hrs away from us).

Sarah - posted on 10/22/2013

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I like to say to my 15 year old daughter "sweetheart what I giveith....I may takeith away " :) If that is what it takes to get her attention, do it. When you take it away calmly explain why you are doing it and you are open to talk if she would like to earn it back. Trust me, you will be doing her a favor. If you don't teach her responsibility now, she will attend the school of hard knocks and those who teach her will not be so kind. It never feels good to discipline...we love them and it sucks to hurt their feelings, but it is necessary if you want them to succeed in life. I wish you the best.

Melanie - posted on 10/22/2013

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I agree with all the above!! If you haven't watched 'Supernanny' (Jo Frost), DO YOURSELF A HUGE FAVOR and just google her!! She has AMAZING skills and techniques with children of ALL ages!! Get her Dvd's and just WATCH how she does it! Good luck!!

Sue - posted on 10/21/2013

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Diane Wiess is right so now I won't have to LOL. You sit her down, you explain (in a grown up manner so she won't say "you treat me like a kid!!) that the phone is a privilege NOT a "Right" she is abusing that privilege and her schoolwork and responsibilities are suffering. You are responsible for her and are responsible in making sure she grows up as a well-rounded adult. This is her FIRST AND ONLY warning. If she hasn't shown you she can be responsible to make the right choices with the warning you gave her, the Phone goes! Yea, of course she'll "hate" you and she may say " this was from Dad! (make sure he backs you,if he loves his daughter,he will) It's a part of growing up you will survive,Your job is to guide her to become a Good person,having integrity and being a person people (importantly her parents) can trust. YOU ARE THE MOM, IT'S YOUR HOME and SHE MUST OBEY THE RULES YOU SET DOWN WHILE SHE IS UNDER THAT ROOF. Good Luck

Sierra Gayle - posted on 10/21/2013

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The next time she plays on her phone ensted of home work take it up with you, her, and her dad. Give her a choice of you get her phone until she finishes her homework or she does her homework in a public place in the house. Like the kitchen or living room.
Or try to make the homework fun!!

Debra - posted on 10/20/2013

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take the phone away. If she wants it back, she can pay you for usage and for the phone plan. I have kids, I have no intention on purchasing a $600 phone for them EVER. I like my iphone too, but if I didn't have a good job and could afford it, there would be no way I would have a phone like that.

Michelle - posted on 10/18/2013

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I think it's time to take the Iphone 5 & any other electronic devices she has way & tell her she has to earn the right to use them. And if she wants to be able to do what she wants, then she can get a job & pay for them her self.

Sharon - posted on 10/18/2013

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Take phone away and why is she doing her homework in her room. My teenager (son) does his homework downstaris on the kitchen table so I can help him if needed. He doesn't even have a phone!! He has asked for one my response is "Who are you calling??" I pick him up and drop him at school (7th). Your the parent law down the law, you'll be glad you did!!

Michelle - posted on 10/18/2013

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Uh no! This is a no brainer... take the damn phone away till homework is done. I sure wouldnt be buying her anything else either

Carmen - posted on 10/18/2013

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Take her phone off her, make rules and be the parent - you are not her friend, even though you love her a lot she needs to concentrate on her school work, if she comes home from school and completes her homework and does her chores then she can have her phone, if she doesn't then she doesn't get her phone, - as for you worried if this will damage her no, we went through school without google or facebook, or cellphones and we came out a lot smarter and more focused, she doesn't need to talk to her friends 24/7, she sees them everyday at school the world isn't going to end if she doesn't have her phone, be smart, be wise but remember YOU are the parent and YOU make the rules NOT her.

Shelly - posted on 10/17/2013

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My son has had his phone taken away and I show up at school and email his teachers to check his progress n his attitude. I have also came and sat right next to him in school. He has since straightened up. I love my son with all my heart but he WILL NOT be dependent on me his entire life and a burden on society just because I did not have the guts to stand up to a child and take my roll as the parent seriously. I am not trying to be mean at all just frank. I had to have this talk given to me as well so I know where you are coming from. It is hard to take that first step toward change but it is worth it to see the results and know in your heart they will be ok when you are gone.

Sue - posted on 10/17/2013

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My home, my rules. She's living with you. Why does bio mom even have a say???

Jocque - posted on 10/16/2013

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Take away the iphone 5 until the homework is done for a week straight and let her know that the iphone 5c will not be a consideration until there is 6 weeks of consistent homework. (after 6 weeks) she should have formed a habit and homework should no longer be a chore)

Lisa - posted on 10/15/2013

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I have the same problem
Everyone's comments are so help full
Circle of mums is so awesome!!!!!!!!!!!
And so are the moms who comment and write here thanks to all

Melissa - posted on 10/15/2013

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I saw a funny post on facebook that has been circulating. It said, "if you want today's password for internet access, you must first clean the bathroom, pick up the laundry,...." It was quite hilarious for me to read, but awesome thought about how to ensure chores got done before "playing". I would suggest having her hand over the phone within 10 minutes of getting home from school. Let her relax for another 15 minutes, then take 5 minutes to prep for homework time. That's 30 minutes to decompress after school and transition to hitting the books. She can have the phone back after homework is done. Allow 10 minute break after an hour to walk around, get a snack, but no phone yet.

Sadee - posted on 10/14/2013

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My step daughter whom I have been with since she was 3 and now is 16 years old gave me quite a run. She came to live with us full-time at 8 years old.
We have many elements we have to balance.
Her father works full-time on swing-shift which means he is not home when she gets home for school.
It was primarily left to me to ensure she was doing her homework AND turning it in on time. Of course she pegged me as the wicked step mother and believe me it was very difficult having someone you love look at you with such hate. But I felt it was worth it because I knew #1 I was the only one who would show her a better way, #2 she would eventually see why, #3 it's our job to raise productive people who are responsible and accountable for themselves. However our relationship struggled and her mother finally stepped in and asked me not to discipline her when it came to homework. I was relieved and sad. Now me n my girl have a great relationship but she is failing school....miserably.
So theirs both sides to that coin. Some might come back and say where is the mom.....not far just doesn't care enough to do anything real about it.
Many many elements to balance. You already know the answer that is right for you and your daughter. Implement it and stick to it. Takes time.....so ask her to be patient with you and you will do the same.

Felicity - posted on 10/14/2013

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Don't buy it and take the other one away until she can be trusted to do her homework. If she wants adult stuff like a phone she needs to act like an adult.
Don't forget you are the adult and holds the purse strings. You love her very much I'm sure so as you love her then discipline her. I agree with Ann good advice.
All the best she will respect you for it in time.
Flis x

Ann - posted on 10/14/2013

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I agree with several of the above. You are the adult, she is the child. During the teen years she is testing and learning boundaries and appropriate behaviour. It is up to you, her mother to teach her what they are. First thing, the phone is history until the grades are up and she is doing homework. Where her grades are is up to you.

As far as helping at home, I don't know how many "minutes" she has, or what your plan is, but she is certainly old enough to either help you around the house or get a job (?) to repay you for going over the allotted minutes. You should also monitor her phone use, give her some privacy, but not complete, and limits on when she can use the phone.

I know I sound mean, but boundaries can be slowly loosened as she gains your trust. She needs to learn about responsibility, and money matters.

Tina Louise - posted on 10/14/2013

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I would turn off the internet until she finally does what is asked of her. Worked with my daughter, and stopping other privileges too and let her know you mean what you say. Hope this helps :)

User - posted on 10/14/2013

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She is a teenager now not a young child and needs to grow up and face responsibility. Talk to her set the ground rules or consequences will have have to be met.

She can keep her phone if she shows you she can do.her homework. If not it is taken away sim card taken out until she can.

Set a rota of chores she has to do when chores completed then some reward if she wants to be treated as an adult she will have to act as one.

Melissa - posted on 10/14/2013

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Our 15 yr old daughter even had a grt score in the high school asvab test and wants to go Air Force, I have showed her how to look things up and trust me she doesn't get rewards for all As but she gets praise. Last fall she had flu twice, then lost her gma a few days before Thanksgiving, on Thanksgiving day, her dad had a double stroke and we almost lost him, then 3 weeks later 1 day after he got out 8f rehab he had a heart attack and flatlined 3 times in the matter of 10 hrs! Also she was having prob w/influenza for 6 weeks, tested positive 3 times, she'd get better for a few days and go back to school and then down again, that was just before the death of her gma til just after xmas break was over, the teachers were allowing her to turn in late work but then in Feb. I asked the teachers to stop because I noticed she was taking advantage of it and the teachers were still allowing it! Heck she was doing good for a whole month and the last 2 weeks rt back to late asignments! So I pulled the laptop, she seriously has 16 missing assignments, I know a bunch are even doen! I continue to ask her why and she shrugs! I have told her several times are you worried that it isn't correct, because it is ok to ask the teacher, she shrugs! So yes I just refuse to allow my daughter to have a cell phone, belly ring, and driver's ed til she starts to what is really expected of her! I don't see it as a bribe, I see it as her schooling is her responsibility and why should I give her something that requires being responsible! Thank you!

Amy - posted on 10/14/2013

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My suggestion would be find a way to have her earn the use of the cell phone. Let her know that the cell phone is a privilege and if it interferes with schoolwork or chores, then the privilege gets taken away for a while. Also think about telling her how we didn't have cell phones when we were teenagers and we survived just fine. Kids today have just gotten lazy and they also feel they are entitled to have everything just handed to them. If I had slacked off at that age, or mouthed off like these kids do today, I would have never seen the light of day again! And my mom was a pretty reasonable person too! Unfortunately , the kids today see all their friends have all the cool up to date stuff, and they feel left out or even ostrasized if they don't have the same things. Best of luck to you!!!

Rivka - posted on 10/14/2013

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I find that several groups end up dealing with negative posts.
There was one that I left because they were so negative to each other.

Homework really is a big issue at all ages.
As our children get older it involves self image issues, bad teacher issues, learning difficulties that might not have been detected or are ignored by teachers.

Sometimes it helps to see how others deal with problems to see if another way will work better.
Melissa, whomever was negative must be having a tough time herself. even with her attitude she is still reading other posts.
I'm hoping to learn from these posts a way to give my 16 year old the wish to do well in English. As of now she refuses to do the work. Her test was an A but the project was not given in. That means that she will fail English.

Kelly - posted on 10/14/2013

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Teenagers! I have a 14 year old who likes the same things, but I have to be consistent with her. Take her phone away, and it has to be earned with the expectations of homework amongst other chores. At this age, they value the phone, money and "free time". They move quickly if they want to do something! LOL!. Good Luck!

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