Helping my 17 year old daughter through her first breakup and why do I feel so much pain too

Caroline - posted on 09/30/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )




My just turned 17 year old daughter has been dumped by her first boyfriend after a year and a half of what seemed a really stable relationship, this is just 3 weeks in to them both starting the same college, they also went to the same school. This happened Friday so we are on day 5 and unknown to me the week before they started college her bf said he was confused again about his feelings so wanted to give it a few weeks to see if he wanted to stay with her. On Friday she was at his house with their shared group of friends and she saw a message on his ipad to a friend about dumping her and she confronted him and he told her they were over. She then had to eat a meal with the family before be able to leave and sob her heart out all the way home, I guess I bought my daughter up to be too polite. After a heartbreaking night he was messaging her the next 2 days saying he didn't know if he had done the right thing so she was hopeful of a reconciliation, which to be honest right there and then I would have welcomef. But since then she has told me this has been going on since christmas and he has at times attempted to really undermine her confidence and she is not the most strong girl in the first place. I now really want her to not even consider getting back with him as she has had her emotions played with for sometime. He seems to want to stay friends as they have a shared friendship group and my daughter is desparate to keep all of her friends so wants the same but I have so many fears for the coming months. We live very close to where her x bf lived so every Friday evening they were together at either our house or his and they would ser each other over Saturday and Sunday too and skype inbetween
I liked him a lot and was happy to see them both happy so I did not really restrict the amount of time they spent together, on hind sight this was a big mistake and I so wish had helped her find a better balance in how she spent her free time. I am so worried about how she will adjust now and how she will get over this. She is getting angry now and feels she has been used but I am a mess when I am not around her, in tears etc. If anyone can give me any advice I would be so grateful x

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