Her other family

S. - posted on 01/03/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

1,182

9

312

I really need your advice on something, I'll try to keep it as simple as possible.
When I was 16 I got with a guy 12 years older then me, I got brought up poorly and moved out of home and 15 so I was probably looking for something I was lacking.
Anyway this guy was from out of town he had one son who lived in my town and 3 other boys who didn't. although I never understood how he could leave them I was young and stupid and believed what he told me. A year on the youngest son got taken away from the mother and we started to fight to gain custardy when out of the blue he dropped the case and put him up for adoption, making excuses that I never liked but excepted. When I was 19 I had my daughter then left him when I woke up to his ways at 21, a few years later he became dangerous to my daughter so I stopped his contact, he fled and I have no idea where he his. My daughters 13 now and I've always told her she has another family.
He gave me limited details of his family and their names are very common but I think I've found one of the son's on fb ( now a adult) I am only going by a name and the fact he looks like him, I'd like my daughter to have the rights to know her other family but I don't know if I have the rights to go interfering in a family that don't even know anything about my daughter, ideally I'd like to get in contact with the uncle but I can't find him, I think the grandparents are now dead.

Do I just leave it alone or do I ask if he is who I think he his? What do you guys think?

3 Comments

View replies by

Ev - posted on 01/03/2013

8,011

7

918

I would say do it if that is what you want. Most people want to know about their families and where they come from. I would be honest and open with your 13 yr old though as she is old enough to understand that if they do not want contact there is nothing she can do about it or you as her mother can do about it. I have one niece who never knew her Bio father. He was out of the picture as soon as he learned of her. Then all of a sudden 14 or 15 years later he starts sending child support though that did not last long. His one cousin married a cousin of ours and she tried to act like a go between but that did not work out as my sister did not get along with his female cousin in the first place. THere were also other reasons that my sister did not want my niece to see him as yet. But my niece got it in her head that when she was 18 she would go see him and meet with him. She would be able to talk to him and all. She got warned he could decide not to see her at all. She kept saying she would do it anyway. The point is even though she did find out about him, she never did go looking for him after she turned 18. So, that may happen too. I wish you luck. Also in recent times, we have learned that my niece has half siblings too she had decided she would go see but was warned again she might have to wait until they were 18 before that would happen.

S. - posted on 01/03/2013

1,182

9

312

Thank you for your input little miss, I really appreciate it. I've looked for them for years but I never known what I'd do if I found anyone. It still might not be them but yet but it is really nice to have other people's opinions. And what ever happens I will 100% be fallowing the Internet rules as far as meeting people go and we will be taking tiny baby steps.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/03/2013

21,273

9

3058

I would pursue it if that is what you and she wants. Maybe just don't tell your daughter that you are doing it in case it is a big fail. Just be careful. If they want to meet, make sure it is a public place, don't give out your address, and make it casual. Don't go to their house, and really get to know them before big family affairs. Heck, they might be just like the father. One way or the other, good luck.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms