Constance - posted on 04/11/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )
My ex husband has physcial custody of our 16 old son. I live in Califonia and they live in New Jersey. My son has been away from me for seven years. He visits 3 times out of the year, Christmas, Spring break and for the summer. When he was younger his visits out here were simple. I would plan fun things for us to do. A couple of years ago when he started ninth grade things changed. It is so dificult for me to be involved in his daily life because he is so far away. However, my son confides in me much more than he does in his Dad. Christmas 2014 I was waiting for the day to come to pick him up from the airport. His father called and told me Ricky wanted to go to a mental hospital because he wanted to kill himself. He spent the prior three years in couseling. I believe he suffered from seperation disorder. Being away from me. During his stay at the hospital he was drug tested and he was positive for marijuana. He chose to go to an impatient program for 90 days. This recovery foundation focuses on drug use as well as coping with problems. He also attends school. About a month ago my ex husband told me that our son was very upset and he was not going to call me . He wrote me a letter. The letter I recieved basically said it. He let out all his anger and then he told me that he was a heroin addict. It breaks my heart that my baby is using such a horrible drug. His Dad took him away from me because i was using meth but I am a recovering addict and am doing well. His Dad also took him to the suburbs of New Jesery claiming it would be a better place to raise our son. WRONG, the suburbs of New Jesery may not have meth but it is overflowing with heroin dealers who sell to all the kids. I read some articles on line and it has become an epidemic. It didn't surprise me because ten years ago I resided in the suburbs of Chicago and the teens there were using heroin as well. It must be an east coast thing. Regardless, my son is in rehab. It's been about 90 days and he is unsure when he will get released. I feel so helpless here unable to visit him. The phone calls are once a week for 15 minutes. I wroted to him and explained that if he comes here when he is released I will help him stay clean. His Dad has no idea what Ricky's drug of choice is. I feel Ricky should tell his Dad. His Dad and I are not on great terms but we do communicate via email. I spoke to Ricky today and he said he wants to come to California when he gets out but not sure when. I don't know what he is thinking because i can't talk to him face to face. I fear that when he gets out he will go straight to drug dealer and use. If that happens all this clean time and rehab would be for nothing. His Dad never used any illegal drugs. i don't think his Dad understands the "addiction" part. He probaly thinks that once Ricky is released that he will be cured. How can I help my son being so far away. I want to encourage him to come here but do not want to force him. Even though his Dad has physical custody I have parental rights. Ricky is 16 he can talk to the judge hisself and tell him where he wants to live. I just don't think Ricky is ready to give up that drug. it's one of the hardest drugs to get off of and very addicting due to the way it makes you feel. I never used heroin in my life. However my son blames me for him using. I am so worried . I haven't told anyone in my family about his drug problem, just my Mother. Any suggestions on how I can help my one and only son?