HEy do u think moms should let their kids go to they dwds house even though they dn't pay childsuppo

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Nancy - posted on 05/28/2012

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Why is it that, when we're married to (or in a relationship with) the baby's father, we're all about being supportive of their relationship but, when we're not married to (or in a relationship with) the baby's father, we don't support their relationship? Personally I don't see a connection between dad paying child support and having a relationship with his child. I hope you will all agree with me that just because a parent is paying child support, does NOT mean they are paying for a relationship with their child. If it did, then how would you feel, as the mother if dad were the custodial parent and you were the one paying child support? Oh then the shoe would be on the other foot and the rules would change? I think not. Latisha, if that man were good enough to allow in your bed then, as the baby's sperm donor, he has every right, child support or not. YOUR JOB, as the child's mother, is to support the relationship with the baby's father because, emotionally, this is in the best interest of your child. And likewise, his job is to support YOUR relationship with your child. Regardless of whether or not he does this, your job is still your job. If you go to work and your boss doesn't do what's expected of him, you still do your job right? What if you go to work and YOU are the boss...if your employee doesn't do his job, you still have to do YOUR job, don't you? Okay, I think I've made my point on this. Second point is...why is it so hard to be nice? Can you not just be nice? Does it have to be tit for tat? Honestly, what is in your child's best interest is for them to be able to see mom and dad getting along amicably. Seriously, this is in the best interest! It is what will make it okay with your child, that the other parent doesn't live in the home. Please, all of you single moms, the issues you have with your baby daddies are really YOUR control issues. Maybe one percent of you has an honestly good reason to have concerns about your baby daddy - the rest of you, you're trying to control HIM. Get over the fact that your relationship ended. You have a child together. In other words, God has entrusted to you, blessed you with, a beautiful child that, without the other parent, you would not have. Now, I'm sure none of you single moms have EVER considered thanking the father for this? Oh no, that would be out of the question...do you ever thank God for your child? I do, everyday I thank God for each of my twelve children. They are all blessings to me that I couldn't imagine living without. Sure, it is awkward being around the man you share a child with, but not a relationship with - that's YOUR issue though, you have NO right to cast this upon your child - deal with your own baggage discreetly, so you can be a good example for your child. Remember, you don't have to be a Christian to do the right thing, you just have to have common sense. If you don't have that, please find yourself a good life coach so you can learn it. Really, when it's time for your child to go see Dad, why can't you be excited for your child to have the opportunity to be with their dad? I guarantee you that if you start emotionally supporting the relationship between father and child, NOTHING will get worse, only better. Think about it ladies...do the right thing...be nice.

Toni - posted on 05/29/2012

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There are many differing opinions on this question, but opinions don't matter in the eyes of the law.
If there is an order for visitation, it stands, and you must comply with it. To do anything to withhold visitation puts your custody in jeopardy (and in some cases, your freedom as well, as you can be jailed for it).
Visitation is separate from child support, and the two are not dependent on each other.

And, as others have said on this subject; Think about who you are really hurting by not allowing visitation. It's not the non-paying person. It's the child(ren).

Margaret - posted on 01/07/2010

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Having had to deal with this one myself, as difficult as it seems to you right now- Yes he should see the child. The other posters are correct that support and visitation are legally separate issues. But more important- for your child (even if you try to deliberately teach him/her differently- which is cruel and wrong) they are different.
If the child's father wants to be in their life- even without monetary support. then not only allow it- rejoice in it. Be cause no matter what- that child support money will mean nothing to that child when he/she is grown- but time with their father will.
You can always have the child support garnished from his wages or unemployment etc. You can't make him want to be with the child- and if he does- be thrilled!

Christina - posted on 01/05/2010

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It doesn't feel like it, but paying support and visitation are different issues. One should not reflect the other (unless you have a 50/50 time share, etc. that determines amount of support) Good, Bad or otherwise, kids need to see both of their parents. They need to develop their own relationship with each parent themselves and not adopt the other parents relationship. I hope that made sense.

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Erin - posted on 06/07/2012

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I'd like to answer with a counter question: why would a parent want to deny their children visitation time with their other parent over money?

Carlie - posted on 06/01/2012

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Yes. I think they should be allowed. Child support has nothing to do with them, so why make it about them? Child support is an adult issue, something resolved or unresolved between two ADULTS. Children should NEVER have to pay for their parents decisions. To make them do so, is grossly unfair.

In addition, I would NEVER mention in front of a child(ren), about the other parent's lack of financial assistance. A child will see it as their fault. Regardless of how you phrase it: "I'm not letting you see your father. That man can't even pay child support, why should I give him what he wants, when he can't even take care of his kids the way he's supposed to".....will matter greatly to a child(ren). A child will begin thinking that it is THEIR fault, and it must be, for a parent to mention it to them, right? WRONG. But that's how a child will see it.

Also, this blog is about YOU, not your child(ren). With all due respect, I recognize that you recognize this as well, enough so for it to be a concern. This is good. What is not good, again, would be to keep your children away from someone they love, or he loves, because you and he cannot resolve your financial issues. How ludicrous is that....? Let me ask you this.....I'm sure you and he have had numerous conversations regarding his lack of financial assistance for the children. Does he keep them away from you because of this? Regardless of the answer, I would NEVER want to be the one that does. You risk endangering any future relationship you may have with your children. You also risk teaching them the improper meaning of "love."
I know you don't want that.

Good luck to you. You may have to eat "crow" regarding your feelings about this. So be it. He will have to answer to God....and his children when they are older. Be the bigger person, and your children will love and respect you for this in time. So will you. :)

God bless you.

Stifler's - posted on 05/29/2012

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Yes. The kids deserve to know their dad. It sucks that they don't pay but don't punish your kids for it.

Jessica - posted on 06/10/2011

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No, I think the moms should not have to send their kids if the dad isn't helping to support them unfortunately that is simply my opinion and my opinion is much different from a court's opinion or the law and I know most states (or perhaps all states) do not feel being a deadbeat dad is as bad as not allowing a parent to visit with their child and require that child support or not the father should have his visits.

Christina - posted on 06/07/2011

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Child support and custody are two separate issues. If you withhold a child for non-payment of child support, you could actually be held in contempt of court and lose custody of your kid.

Sandra - posted on 01/07/2010

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Girlfriend thus a big one.He should support also if he doesnt want fine you arethe boss.Even if the kids want to see their dad but in this world we are livng in they have to know why you are with them,supporting them and why he aint.Coz come rain come thunder they want to see their dad.What he want is just seeing his kids not supporting them?Hell no.For him to point them and say those are my kids its the lady who is doing all the work.We all can say NO/es but truth is A Dad is a dad when he gives a hand.

[deleted account]

This issue is not about personal feelings, it's about the LEGALITIES of the situation. If the poster is in the United States, she cannot LEGALLY keep the child(ren) away from their father, REGARDLESS of whether the father is paying support or not. Yes, it sucks that she's not recieveing the money, but she cannot LEGALLY keep the children away. If she does, she can be charged with KIDNAPPING her own children.



I know this because our oldest daughter's biological mother has never paid ANY child support (she's been absent for years), but we still have to honor the visitation part of the custody order (we have our daughter 90% of the time). It sucks, but it's what we have to do. All we can do about the support is request it's taken out of her tax refund every year...



Child support and visitation are TWO SEPERATE orders, bottom line. One does not affect the other - just like if the father chooses to not take his kids for his visitation would not mean he doesn't have to pay support.



If you want to deny visitation, take it back to court. But you cannot deny visitation without a court order allowing you to and (most) courts do not see lack of child support payments as a valid reason to change visitation orders.

Samantha - posted on 01/05/2010

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Girl let me just say, I think that we moms shouldnt have to cater to dead beat dads schedules because of some court papers! However, the law is the law and visitation and child support are seperate issues and we just have to go with the flow. But like many moms said don't let your child or children suffer not seeing their father just because he cant pay, handle that with him one on one or through the courts.

Chelsea - posted on 01/05/2010

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i look at it like.. whats more important? love of a father (if he gives it) or money..?

Brittany - posted on 01/05/2010

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Personally I think you need to consider whats best for your child and how the father acts arround your child, the enviorment, etc. You don't want your child arround a father that is a negative influence and can harm your child. Sometimes you have to put your feelings aside and think about your child and the relationship with the father. If the father is just going to worsen things and be a deadbeat I say no. But a man wanting involvement with their child is hard to find for alot of people. If it is a big issue take it to court and have child support and vistation handled there. Do what you think is best. Not other people.

Katt - posted on 01/05/2010

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I think that despite the differences you have with your childs baby you should not deny your child the right to see him. Your child hasn't done anything wrong and really it's harder on the child than the father!

Erika - posted on 01/05/2010

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i think that the visits of a Dad who pays no child support should be limited visits and always under your supervision. although its a good thing to have the dad in their lives, the dad should also understand that he has a financial responsibility to his child/children as well as the role of being in their lives. If he is not willing to pay to help support them then you should slowly cut him off untill you can take him to court for the child support or he mans up and helps out

Rosie - posted on 01/05/2010

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my ex never paid child support and it was very frustrating to me. i've heard of people not letting their exes see their kids unless they pay support, but it just seemed wrong to me. why use your child as a pawn to get money? i agree that they should pay support as part of their paternal duties, but if they can't or won't, why use a defenseless child as a weapon against your ex? it's more about your feelings and revenge if you do that, than anything else-and it's not about you- it's about your child.

April - posted on 01/05/2010

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Although he should be paying child support, the kids should not have to be in the middle of any parental dispute, including child support, and certainly not used as leverage!

Diane - posted on 01/05/2010

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That man needs to remember hes a father.....he helped create the babies he needs to help support the babies. Why should he get all the fun of beaing a parent and none of the responsabilitys?If he wants to man up let him see the kids, if not I'd tell him sorry till you can be responsable I don't feel you should get to take them. I'd set it up so if he wants to see them make it on your schedule not when ever it's good for him, at your place with you there. If he dosen't like it tell him, if he wants to help raise his kids then, help by paying what the court ordered!!

Graciela - posted on 01/05/2010

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I would #1 I need a Break, #2 he made them and should take care of them, #3 if he cant pay child support the least he can do is care for them!!! #4 children need to know there Dad.... But continue to fight for your child support!!!

Kimberly - posted on 01/05/2010

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well I agree that they should pay they're child support , but isn't that kinda like using the kids as weapons . Who really loses out here ? The kids . I would reconsider this option , as there are enforcement officers out there . I would leave the kids out of it , and involve the legal community . Kids dont need to be a part of the parents issues .

Lillian - posted on 01/05/2010

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It depends if money is more important than relationship,is he paying for his child and how many more payment does the parent have before he becomes the their child.

[deleted account]

IT`S NOT ABOUT U OR THE FATHER IT`S ABOUT THE CHILD & EVERY MOTHER NEEDS A BREAK SO LET THEM GO ......IT`S A NEW YEAR LET GO AND LET GOD DEAL WITH THOSE THAT DONT WANT TO GET IT TO GETHER.............HOPE YOU LOOK AT THING FROM UR CHILD/CHILDREN POINT OF VIEW

Amy - posted on 01/05/2010

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Ummm, yes!! If you were married and your husband wasn't working would you deny him time with the kids? I mean seriously there is more to being a dad than money. And your kids deserve time with him, the money issue is an adult issue and shouldn't involve the kids. I'm sorry if I sound grumpy but it is a very sensitive subject with me. If he isn't abusing or neglecting your kids than he and the kids deserve a relationship. You didn't make the kids by yourself so don't cut him out, for your kids if nothing else. It takes two people to make a child and the children deserve to have both of those people in their lives.

User - posted on 01/05/2010

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child support and visitation has nothing to do with each other so yes the child should see the father

[deleted account]

Gwen's right. The last thing you want to do is deny the father visitation, even if he's behind on child support.

Gwen - posted on 01/05/2010

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Like it or not, you have to let them go. In most states, child support and visitation are completely separate issues. If the father has legal visitation rights, you are in contempt of court if you deny him visitation.

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