hi

[deleted account] ( 14 moms have responded )

I am having a lot of problems with my baby daddy. i am 4 months pregnant i haven't spoken to him since I put the restraining order on him for stalking me . now he uses women like renounce. Idk if he's angry at me for not talking to me aboabout the baby or idk. He had a daughter already from his ex wife . mind you he's 27 years old and he hasn't spoken to me about his child. I called and he doesn't answer I want to do right for my child but he makes it hard.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/16/2016

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Sarah, I’m going to copy and paste your initial post with my responses in order.
“I am having a lot of problems with my baby daddy. i am 4 months pregnant i haven't spoken to him since I put the restraining order on him for stalking me”~~You have a restraining order. He CANNOT contact you, nor you him.
“now he uses women like renounce”~~Not a clue what “using a woman like renounce means
“Idk if he's angry at me for not talking to me aboabout the baby or idk”~~You don’t know if he’s angry because YOU haven’t spoken to him? Or the other way around?
“He had a daughter already from his ex wife”~~Ok, so this ain’t his first rodeo, and he knows what happens when he can’t keep his pants zipped.
“mind you he's 27 years old and he hasn't spoken to me about his child I called and he doesn't answer I want to do right for my child but he makes it hard. ”~~Um, again…RESTRAINING ORDER. You can’t have it both ways.

Then, I see in other answers, you’ve modified your story some: After Dove and Michelle reminded you that a restraining order means NO CONTACT, you state: “The restraining order is not valid anymore. Its expired a long time ago before I was even pregnant.”
So, which is it? DO you have an active restraining order, or not?
Then you further change things: “Can I do that now get full custody of the baby? Its just that his sister told me he's waiting until the baby is born. No I ment to put the restraining order on him until I found out I was pregnant then realized he's the father of my child. I thought that how he was acting and still is acting is weird his sister told me he hahas memories of us at his home its like I'm still there part of his home. We used to live together and were serious until I broke it off. But I have to be strong for my child and be a single parent to be the mother I need to be”

So what is it here? Do you even KNOW if he’s the father of this child? You “meant” to put a restraining order out, but then you didn’t…so when did the actual conception happen here? Did you even actually sleep with this guy?
Oh, wait, here’s more…Now you say that “we hooked up he purposely got me preg don't know why when we were broken up”~~Honey, I hate to tell you this, but YOU participated in that very same hook up. YOU had the power to say NO, and if you did not, then you BOTH are equally responsible for this pregnancy and child.

You’re throwing out more and more nonsense here. You say that there’s more to the story…What is this, a soap opera? A daytime drama? What you HAVE shared makes no sense.

Bottom line: You slept with a guy, it was consensual, (because you’d have reported a rape), a child was created. You now get to co parent with this guy for the next 18 years, and you will ALWAYS have a connection because of this child. Someone better grow up pretty quickly here, it sounds like. You don’t have the right to attempt to withhold his child from him, just as he would not have the right to do so to you. However, if you don’t put on your adult panties and HANDLE this situation, it will likely turn out badly for you. You have to be an adult, get things in place so that when this child is born, a DNA test will be done, a father determined, and then custody, support, and visitation can be sorted in court.

Michelle - posted on 01/16/2016

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He did NOT get you pregnant on purpose, you consented to sex and a child resulted from that. You could always have insisted on BC as well but you didn't.
I also suggest some counselling and a lawyer.
Your whole story makes no sense.

Dove - posted on 01/16/2016

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Unless he raped you... you are equally responsible for the fact that you are pregnant. It may have been a stupid choice on your part, but please do not place all the blame on him.

You do not have to be w/ him in order for him to be a father to his child. You can absolutely be 'done w/ him' as far as a relationship goes, but you are tied to him for a minimum of the next 18 years. If he wants to be in his child's life you WILL have to deal w/ him. That's just the facts when you procreate w/ someone.

I recommend you get into some counseling as soon as possible to help you sort out your feelings and your plan for your life.

Ev - posted on 01/16/2016

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Sarah--not to be attacking you or anything but he did not get you pregnant on purpose--you consented to sleep with him and a child resulted.

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[deleted account]

Look him and I were broken for months . I broke it off he charmed his way in and we hooked up he purposely got me preg don't know why when we were broken up. After we hooked up he started following me and wondering were I was at we were still broken up. After that he started threatening my friends and following me on the road there is a lot to the story I am not saying just saying part. Then I served him the restraining order. a month later or couple weeks later I was so suppose to go back to court it was temp the restraining oorder I didn't go back to court I had to go to court so I didn't follow up with it. Later on I found out I was preg and told himso he's aware of it. after hearing that I was moving on he started dating girls after girls disrespecting them. The day I left he started hating women cuz I hurt him badly after we broke up after that he's angry at me . there's more to the story that I rather not say.

[deleted account]

I understand. This baby changed my feelings for him. and his sister also talks to me and she gave me advice that he should be in the baby's life I'm just so confused. At the same time scared of him. The stalking and memory's of us in his house he still has my stuff I guess Im scared to be a single parent. I want my child to have a dad. I grew up without a dad that's why ....and I get it but I made me decision I'm done with this man.

Sarah - posted on 01/16/2016

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This makes little sense to me, but maybe I am missing part of the story. You had a restraining order, yet you conceived a child (so you violated the order) then when you figured he was the father, you started to contact him? You cannot void a restraining order. Do you have any idea how many women try to put a man behind bars by calling and saying "let's work this out, call me so we can talk about the baby, let's do what is right for the baby" then right after the first contact then have baby-daddy thrown in jail?
He is doing the right thing, by not talking to you until a judge tells him he can talk to you without consequences.
Regarding support and visitation. You are both equally entitle to parent, and both equally obligated to support this baby until age 18.

Dove - posted on 01/16/2016

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You can not get custody until the child is born. Whether or not you will be awarded full custody is up to the judge. If the father fights it you could potentially have 50/50 custody w/ him.

[deleted account]

Can I do that now get full custody of the baby? Its just that his sister told me he's waiting until the baby is born. No I ment to put the restraining order on him until I found out I was pregnant then realized he's the father of my child. I thought that how he was acting and still is acting is weird his sister told me he hahas memories of us at his home its like I'm still there part of his home. We used to live together and were serious until I broke it off. But I have to be strong for my child and be a single parent to be the mother I need to be

Dove - posted on 01/16/2016

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You said you haven't spoken to him since you put a restraining order on him.... Then you said you are 4 months pregnant... Now you say the restraining order expired before you became pregnant...

So what's the truth because unless that man is not your baby's father... your words make your story impossible....?

[deleted account]

The restraining order is not valid anymore. Its expired a long time ago before I was even pregnant.

Dove - posted on 01/16/2016

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If you have a restraining order against him... He's not ALLOWED to contact you and you aren't ALLOWED to contact him. If you contact him at all... the restraining order will become void.

Stay away from him and let him stay away from you.... start talking to lawyers about custody concerns and file for custody, visitation (if it's going to be awarded... perhaps supervised if he's a danger), and child support.

Worry about taking care of yourself and your child... not contacting this man that you put a restraining order against. That's just nuts.. Unless you didn't really NEED a restraining order against him...?

Michelle - posted on 01/15/2016

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So you have a restraining order on him for stalking you and he isn't answering your calls. That's because you have a restraining order on him!
I suggest that all the energy you are putting into worrying about him and what he's doing with his women, you put into figuring out how you are going to raise your child on your own. Talk to a lawyer and get things rolling regarding custody, visitation and child support.

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