Hi am new to this site. I am a single mom of an 18 year old son. He has lived with His dad from 13 to 17. He has always been rebellious and rude and disrespectful to me. So he finally went to live with his dad. Where I learned his father was allowing him to drink and run the streets. So last year he was drinking with dad. He was left alone and decided to drive his dad's car without a license and hit a tree got a dui and was put on a year of probation his dad left him and wants nothing to do with him after that. So I took him back on which was scary because when living with me he was violent and would scream and punch walls and even go after me at times especially if I provoked him which I do at times . So he moved back out in feb to stay at a friends. He was asked to now leave as his time was up so now he lost his job and is homeless . He can't drive for a while due to dui. I'm afraid to let him home since he never wants a thing to do with me ever and doesn't like looking for work and always having a pity party for himself and feels he should drive so now that probation is over he drove a moped without license and one dealing with that. He's dirty tired and homeless do I let him in and take a chance?? I told him when he's ready to meet and talk and agree to my rules he can come home and save money for future. I. So stressed and scared to be back to fighting and him sitting on couch doing nothing. Not sure if he's smoking pot anymore either or dealing. Thank you for your help.

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Susan - posted on 10/20/2014

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Thank you Cristy. I'm a mess still. Last I texted him was Friday saying I left some things for him on front porch and texted a list of jobs he can apply to and when he can follow my few rules he can try living at home with me. I have never heard from him:(

Cristy - posted on 10/20/2014

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At 18, he's an adult and you as a mom have done everything you can so as long as he knows your door is open when he can follow your rules, youre good

Susan - posted on 10/17/2014

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Oops also. He has auditory process disorder so I feel like maybe he doesn't always get things? I don't know... He must understand some things like rules and and all!

Susan - posted on 10/17/2014

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Thank you so much for responding it's making me feel better. I have been feeling ill and not myself at all since I heard he was homeless. I send him texts talk to him and give him ideas for jobs and to go to the YMCA that we are a member of to shower and shave. Said if you are serious about following rules then go get that job and when you move in you won't be sitting around all day. He only responds with an ok... When we talk on phone he acts like he's confused which he always has since vey young

Raye - posted on 10/17/2014

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It doesn't help to feel guilty. What's past is past, and you were probably doing the best you could under the circumstances. The reason they say hindsight is 20/20 is because we can't see the whole picture when we're in the moment, it's only when we look back we see what went wrong. What's best is if you can learn from it and not make the same mistakes over again. Don't let your guilt pressure you into making more bad choices. He's an adult now, and responsible for his own future. You can help guide him, but it's ultimately up to him now to straighten out or not.

Susan - posted on 10/17/2014

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That is a good idea about the contract I will do that! Thank you! I am so nervous for the day he does say he's ready, as he may just be saying he's willing to agree just to have a home. Guess if he breaks contract he can leave... This is breaking my heart as I know so,etching has always been off with him with his anger and stubbornness. His father and I are to blame to a point we never got along and he was always in the middle and I was an angry sad mom. I feel guilty that I caused him to have issues.

Raye - posted on 10/17/2014

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If he's 18, he's not your responsibility anymore. I'm sure it's hard to see your child in this situation, and you want to help, but if he won't live by your rules (or society's laws) then he's only going to drag you down with him. You don't need that.

If he does agree to your rules and you allow him in your home, I would suggest treating it like a business arrangement. Write a contract spelling out what he is agreeing to in order to live under your roof. That way, you can't change the rules if you get mad, and he can't break them without knowing there will be consequences.

To make it legal, it usually has to have three things: An offer (you letting him live there, providing minimal transportation until he regains his license, etc.). The terms of the offer or specifics of what would break the contract (him paying rent/gas, his lawful behavior [no drinking, no drugs, not driving without a license, not being verbally or physically abusive, not causing property damage], etc.) And it has to be accepted (both yours and his signature and effective date). Even a handwritten agreement with these criteria will be considered legal in most courts.

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