hi everyone! I adopted my grandaughter and we had a great relationsip as i rased her from birth basically. Now she is 10 and she feels sorry as she says her bio parents hate her

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Shelby - posted on 02/03/2015

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i tell her that her bio parent love her but had adult issues. i told her we all love our bio parents and they love her. I will make sure she is the best she can be.

Sarah - posted on 02/03/2015

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How sad. Get after your mother and tell her she can either stop sharing adult info with your child or she will not see your child. It is sad that her bio-parents were too sick to care for her, addicts are sick, and she is lucky that she did not get left like many children born to addicts.
She is a loved little girl so keep reinforcing that positive message. She can't control how her bio-parents feel about her or about anything. Helping her to accept that she has no responsibility for their feelings might help her feel more empowered.

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From my experience of facebook, people use it for the wrong reason, remove the access, there are other ways she can contact her friends or family. keep doing what your doing, tell her they live her and one day her mother will come around just as well as the father will. maybe for the good reason or maybe for the bad reason. The bond between a mother and her baby will always be there and if I was in her situation, I would be reaching out for my bio mother too. so it is understand why feels the way she feels. just hang in there, keep doing what you are doing and one day when she has more over an understanding she will come around, hug you and thank you for all the support and proving her a roof over her head....As she gets feed, has clothes, has a home, has two caring parents and is healthy and well. What more can you ask for.

Shelby - posted on 02/03/2015

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We had to use tough love on my older daughter as after she had the baby, she ran off with my 10 yr olds father bc they both were drug addicts. I went to therapy as I had to kick my older daughter out of my home and she did NOT give up the to me. She ran and we did not know where she was or if she was alive and we wanted the child a normal as possible life. She is NOT nor am I on facebook. My mom lets her and tells her things that she should not and we have had many disagreements about this. So I guess I will have to keep her away from those who won't listen to me. She is the most loved and cared for child on earth as I only wish my mother had done the things for me that she has had done for her. She knows that we absolutely love her!! That is why I am confused.

Sarah - posted on 02/03/2015

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If your daughter is on Facebook, I'd end that access. You don't want her to stumble upon some sort of awful comments.
Reassure your child that you love her, that although her bio-parents cannot parent her, they do love her. I don't know the circumstance of the adoption but if your daughter gave her baby to you to raise, that is a symbol of love. That she was unselfish enough to give your little girl a better home. I can see how a 10yo would interpret silence from the bio-mom as resentment. Why does your child reach out to her bio-mom?

Shelby - posted on 02/03/2015

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My ex and I adopted her and she see's us as her parents as we have always raised her and legally adopted her and WE ARE her parents. She is doing this to herself as I don't even know her father's phone number or where he is at. Her bio mom (my daughter) will not answer her phone calls or texts from anyone in the family so my 10 year old thinks she doesn't love her and we both assure her she does. Her bio dad has only seen her 2 times but acts like we have kept him away from her when he has been in jail more of her life but not. My 33 yr old daughter has been communicating with my 10 yr old daughter's bio dad as my mom sees this on facebook. My 10 year old is going thru a hard time because hearing you are beautiful, awesome and the light of our lives from my ex and I is not enough. She will one day see she was the chosen one as we saved her life. Thanks for the response. I need all the advice I can get.

Sarah - posted on 02/01/2015

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What has given her the idea that her bio-parents hate her? If they have said such a thing, then I'd intervene. If she is hearing that from you or other family, that is a sad heavy burden for little girl.

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