Hi, How do I get through to a 13 year old boy (if that is at all possible)

Nicole - posted on 01/15/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




He thinks no one listens to him and he is very stubborn. I tell him to do something and i find myself repeating it numerous times before it gets done. He wants me to understand him but he listens to no one and rarely follows rules. I need help.


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Nicole - posted on 01/16/2013




Thank you all for the wonderful advice. I intend to work with all these suggestions immediately. This is my second day with circle of moms and i must say it's good to know that someone heard me and offered effective solutions. I realized that I needed a lot more help and it needed to come from people who only want the best for their children.
Thank You!

Jodi - posted on 01/15/2013




In addition to what others have said, there is a biological reason for the vagueness that teenage boys go through. The huge surge in testosterone at this age literally addles their brain. It makes them vague and forgetful. It isn't something they have a great deal of control over, and for a period of about 2-3 years, they need us to be their brains and their organiser.

Ariana - posted on 01/15/2013




What are you asking him to do? If it's something like chores sometimes the best thing to do is to make it so you don't have to natter at him. So you set up a chore list/schedule, write it up and talk to him about it (so he can't claim he didn't realize or he didn't know about his chores, hense writing it down somewhere, possibly some sort of chore chart or something like that). Then tell him he has until 6 oclock (or w/e time you feel is appropriate) for him to do said chores, and you won't remind him about it either. If he hasn't done said chores he loses a privilage (whatever you feel his currency is, from tv, videogames, going out etc.). That way it's not you telling him what to do and having him refuse, but him deciding whether to do it or not on his own, and getting consequences for not following through.

For other things if you say he feels like no one is listening to him try to ask him about it, what is it that he wants you to know and sit and listen. I don't know what issues he may have but try to just listen and take it all in no matter how irrational or wrong you feel he is being. Try to be a supportive listener and don't start lecturing even if you feel you really want to, he'll just think you're trying to pick on him again. If there are things that are legitimate problems see if you two can find a way to work it out so you're both happy.

What rules is he breaking? Are there specific things? If you're having issues with certain rules try to fix the top three issues. Obviously if there are serious issues work on those first before trying to tackle the lesser issues.

Whatever top three issues you are having come up with a list of them and sit your son down and talk to him about it, try to see if he can help come up with solutions to fixing the problems. So if it's a chore thing ask him what he thinks and what can be done about it. Try to listen to his ideas on it and see if you can incorporate any of his issues in it.

The next part is really important WRITE IT DOWN. Write the rules down and the consequences and be specific, make it so he can't find loopholes in your issues. So if you say all three chores (or w/e) have to be done by 6pm, and he gets 1 done and not the other two, he still has the consequence, he can't argue that I did one chore. Or if he tries to rush around at 6 oclock and do everything and tell you I got them done now it doesn't matter, he was supposed to get it done before 6. Try to think of any loopholes he might be able to find in the arrangement. Plan on what you're going to do if he doesn't follow the consequence. Get him to sign the 'contract' so that there's an agreement. That way also if he starts to complain about it or say that's not what you said you can bring the agreement up and show it to him.

But also don't take it personally, he is just a teenager and they try to push the boundaries as much as they can. Try to make sure you take him out and are close to him even if he's acting like a crazy. It's like he starts acting out, then you don't want to be around them or take everything they say wrong, and they still need your support and for you to show you love them. I'm not saying you don't it's just a reminder 'cause teenagers can be really tough to deal with.

I hope some of this helps!

S. - posted on 01/15/2013




He sounds like my 13 year old girl, I think it's just a teenage thing :( if you find the answer let me know but your not alone in the world lol.

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