Hi, i'm a 44 year old mom, who has just found out our 21 year old daughter is pregnant. It was a huge shock. But we've decided to give her all our support. The only thing that is a bit tricky, is that the father is a black gentleman. With both my husband and my family, this is not going to go down well. My daughter and her boyfriend have been going out for 5 years and we know him and his family well. i'm just not sure how to prepare her for the family's 'disapproval' which i'm sure will be coming, as soon as we let them know!

Linda - posted on 02/24/2014 ( 14 moms have responded )

4

0

0

Unmarried, Pregnant daughter with father of other race!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Linda - posted on 02/25/2014

4

0

0

agreed 100%!!! i will just say we are very happy. we have also known her boyfriend for 5 years, which is a big plus and he is a super guy!! obviously this was not in the plan, for now, but that is life.

Michelle - posted on 02/24/2014

3,728

8

3246

After reading that you are in South Africa I now understand why you are worried. My ex husband is South African and he even said that if I wasn't white we wouldn't have been together and he's only 40!!
It's not just the older generation that are still stuck with the apartheid thoughts and it's sad to see.
I think the best way to deal with it is to say what Shawnn said. Don't mention his race, just that she's having a baby and you're all so happy.

Gena - posted on 02/24/2014

303

1

655

Oh and befor i get bashed AGAIN for writing coloured and not Man of different race or black..coloured IS what my friend is called..anybody who doesnt believe me google up the word coloureds in South Africa.

Gena - posted on 02/24/2014

303

1

655

Oh you are in SA...then i understand.My Grandmother always told me..if you ever come with a K.....(you know what word i mean) i wont be part of the family anymore etc.My grandparents are from the older generation and they would never have accepted it.I just wish your daughter good luck and that she wont be judged.I felt terrible when i went with my coloured (male)friend to the Spur and you should have seen the faces of some people. But i know that the older generation wont "just" get over it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/24/2014

13,264

21

2015

They may not see colour, but you certainly do, don't you?

Perhaps, if you approach 'the family' with the words "She's having a baby, we're excited...please be supportive, and if you can't, then keep your mouth shut"...attitude things will go better.

However, since you can't get past the man's race, I doubt your family will either, in which case, perhaps its better if your daughter cut off relations with you now, in order to minimize the hurtfulness that will undoubtedly ensue.

I wish your daughter and her partner the best of luck, happiness and health.

14 Comments

View replies by

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/27/2014

13,264

21

2015

Linda, read the rest of the posts. She's not IN the US, therefore cultural differences are not what they are here.

Bryna - posted on 02/26/2014

1

0

0

I am white and I got pregnant by a black man when I was 19. Not everyone in my family was as thrilled about the new baby as we were. However, after seeing how happy he made me and what a great father he was to our son, they eventually came around. We have been together for 14 years now and have 4 beautiful children together. In
The end, if he's a good man and makes her happy....what does the colour of his skin matter?

Sarah - posted on 02/25/2014

244

0

80

We found out my 15 yr old was pregnant and was mad with her but are giving her support! Just love her and him no matter the race and everything will be good! Good luck.

Gena - posted on 02/24/2014

303

1

655

Thats right Michelle,its not just the older generation,they pass alot of it with down.I am glad my dad never talked to us like my grandparents did.Not that my Dad never spoke to us about whats happening or happened in SA..but he never told me i am not aloud to have a relationship with another race or be friends with another race.And thats something i have heard enough from my grandparents.

But yes,like Shawnn said..is there a way you can tell them it happened for a reason or tell them if they arent happy that you dont bother if they are happy or not because YOU and your daughter are!!!And thats what counts. If they act all silly then just stop the contact till everybody has cooled down.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/24/2014

13,264

21

2015

I know that the cultural differences will see this as a 'big' deal, but I'd still leave any ethnicity out of the conversation.

Um...not to sound out of line, but how 'religious' is the family? Could this be presented in the "This is God's will" vein?

Dove - posted on 02/24/2014

11,760

0

1349

Tell the family to get over themselves. I would not associate w/ anyone that would judge someone so harshly simply because of the color of their skin. Family or not... I wouldn't even tell them, but would write them out of my life.

Linda - posted on 02/24/2014

4

0

0

thanks so much Aimee, i love your reply. Being in South Africa, i'm actually very very proud of my girls, not seeing colour at all..... but yes the older generation doesn't always see it our way.

Aimee - posted on 02/24/2014

6

0

1

Oh to be 21 again... I was 19 when I got pregnant for my oldest son, the father to put it lightly was less than acceptable in my folks' eyes (same race as me/ jailbird situation) my parents gave me 100% support, and let me learn on my own because some impressionable young ladies are hard headed and will pull away from parents when they are negative about pregnancy, Im sure it was an "accident" but a life changing one, my parents had to step back a lil bit and let me live and learn, yet stayed with me in the support and love department. Being an inter racial issue I think you should be colorblind as long as she is happy. And encourage others to do the same, just love the grandbaby with all your heart! Good luck!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms