Hi! I'm a working mom-to-be (I'm a server) and I keep getting rude questions about whether I should be working or not. Although I'd like to tell them where to put their statements, I'd also like to keep my job, so I need a polite way of telling people to bugger off. I feel fine and my doc gave me two thumbs up, so why do people feel like it's their place to tell me if I should or shouldn't be working? Grrr.. :)
This conversation has been closed to further comments
Jacquie - posted on 03/12/2011
i would thank them for their concern (might boost tips) and make a joke like "i'd rather be here than at home worrying about giving birth" or "im not really working - i just got bored at home" i wouldnt mind the comments so much i just get freaked out when people touch my bump! so glad i have a counter to hide behind!!!
Val - posted on 03/27/2009
Hi Erica, Congrats!
First I would thank them for their concern, but then remind them that you are not disabled... you are pregnant. With your doctors approval and the need for income it is also important for you to maintain a sense of self. Tell them your children and health will always come first but you love what you do and it makes you a better mom because of it. Keep smiling and if they aren't satisfied tell them you will accept a substantial tip and stay home tomorrow on their behalf ;) Good Luck!
Lavonne - posted on 03/27/2009
I was a server and manager in two different establishments when I was pregnant for each of my three pregnancies and I worked up until the day that I had them. I got a lot of the same comments, and I just told everyone that I felt great and my doctor didn't see any harm in my working. And instead of letting their statements get to me, I thought to myself that as least I wasn't like a couple of other women that I knew that used their pregnancies as an excuse to not do ANYTHING even though there was nothing wrong with them. I felt empowered by working and knowing that I was helping to provide for my children.
Italia - posted on 03/27/2009
Next time someone asks simply tell them, that you'd love to stay home, kick up your feet and wait for contractions to start, however, the only way you can do this is if they (person asking) finishes your shift for you! Make sure you're smiling when you say it!
Cindy - posted on 03/27/2009
I know exactly how you are feeling. When I was pregnant I was working as a server/bartender and so many people liked to voice their opinions. Everyone loves to put their own two sense in and that is just the way it is.. We wouldn't tell someone who is working behind a desk all day that they should stop working so really no one should say anything. Being in the service industry and if you serve alcohol I could understand why some people would find that a little odd. But you aren't drinking it so should be no problem. Everyone has to work and if your doc says its all good than hey why not? I was actually forced to leave after my boss found out I was expecting. She really didn't want customers to see me working behind the bar and serving drinks. If your boss has no problems with it, then I would just try to ignore the comments. And when someone does in fact voice an opinion you don't like, just remind them that you are indeed expecting and still need to pay the bills and support your soon to be child. That might make them think before saying another word. I hope that people keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves for the remainder of your time working. Congrats on the new addition and I wish you all the best! Take Care!
Christina - posted on 03/26/2009
I was a 3rd shift waitress when i was pregnant with my first 2 children. people would have comments all the time, I used to tell them that the doc said that the exercise was good for me and that everyone should get as much walking as i was getting. most people are actually just embarrassed to let you carry the large trays around with food for them, so they are trying to get you to say that you are fine and used to it. i say good for you that you are still working and i can tell you that people tip pregnant servers so much better, especially if you carry the ultrasound picture in your check book:) good luck and just don't tell them to bugger off!!!!
Emily - posted on 03/26/2009
I think it is great that you are still working. I have a really good friend who was a server when she was pregannt waiting on twenty tops til the day she went into labor. Since she was used to such physical activity it made labor easier. The tips were great too! I think the most polite way to deal with the comments is to say, "My doctor says it's fine." and leave it. I'm a working mom and this is just part of the stuff you will have to deal with when others judge you for the fact that you have chosen to work and raise a family.
Leah - posted on 03/26/2009
I agree with Teresa, I built a house while I was pregnant. I did the hardwood floors, tile in the bathrooms, I even built retaining wall outside(25 lbs blocks) As long as you are stressed and happy with what you are doing you are good! I had a 6 hour labor. The Dr was so surprised he was my first child. These may get you better tips! Say things like, 'Man if only I could quit working, money is tight ya know!' or go the route of 'I would be sad if I wasn't here. Working makes me feel really good, I get to talk to really nice people all day!' Be creative. I once had a coworker who would be asked all the time why he looked so sad. He had droopy eyes. He would tell people( I worked at Wendy's) things like My father just died, or I was in a bad car accident or whatever, just make up crazy stories. He usually made people feel dumb for asking, it isn't their business.
Alisha - posted on 03/26/2009
maybe a more comical approach..
.....what? im not pregnant...
i dont get this much and i am also a server i usually just brush it off with a joke and say im working on getting back into my hourglass figure so running around all night might just be the best way to do it :)
Teresa - posted on 03/26/2009
It's not their business but that's what's wrong with the world today - everyone always worries about everyone else besides themselves. I waited tables up until a week before I had my son. My son weighed 9 pounds 14 oz and is as healthy and happy as can be now at age three. My doctor actually told me that if I could do it - to work as long as possible because (as long as there are no underlying conditions or concerns) keeping active right up until you delivery actually helps to expediate the delivery and helps to make it easier on you physically. When people used to ask me why I was still working I used to tell them that somebody was going to have to pay my hospital bills and that usually shut them up . . . . . :)
Casey - posted on 03/26/2009
I agree with Lisa.
I was 17, in school, & working part-time when I was pregnant with my son. My husband was also working a full-time job.
I used to tell people that not everyone will give up a free education or a low-paying job in exchange for NO education because I won't have time after he is born and I did not NEED to depend on my parents, welfare, or WIC to GIVE ME EVERYTHING when I was COMPLETELY capable of providing for my son and myself.
WTG working moms!
... and I'm STILL working, SEE BELOW!
Pure Romance by Casey Grinnan
Book YOUR party with ME today =) or BECOME YOUR OWN BOSS! I can help ...
PHONE: (804) 400-2506
Katie - posted on 03/26/2009
hey i know how u feel i worked at the front desk at a marriot when i was pregnant. when people ask me that, i told them my doctor said its better for me to work so that i can stave off obessate. while thats not true it got peole off my case
Jennifer - posted on 03/26/2009
Because people seem to think they know what they are talking about when it comes to someone elses life. I was server too when i was expecting both my boys. I worked til 2 wks before i was due (i dont recommend working that long) honestly i told them my dr said it was ok just as long as i took breaks often if they still pushed the issue joking i would say are you going to help pay my bills. That kind of got to most people. I wasnt rude or offensive either. Try that see how that works. Good luck and congrats!!!
Lisa - posted on 03/26/2009
work also but i work prt time, so im still spending quality time with my child. i also have had people add snide comments about this all i say its better to be a good role model for my child, working hard than to be on benefits!! i wouldnt take it to heart at the end of the day you have to support your child otherwise we would have nothing. money earned from hard work is better than money given off the state
i hope this has helped a little!! i also replied to someones comment regarding this by saying "are you going to pay my bills!!? no you arent, well then i have to work then dont i!!!"
Beth - posted on 03/26/2009
Its nobody's place to tell you..I have 4 kids and i worked full time jobs with all of mine..You will know when you can't do it anymore!!! Trust me...when you get tired and start swelling, ,then you could go down to part time..but until then, I would...It helps you to be up and moving around!
Joni - posted on 03/26/2009
Because we are suppose to be super mom and stay home and do it all! The best way to handle it would be to say that you are being the best mom because you are providing for your children. Besides God is the only one with the right to judge.
Join Circle of Moms
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms