Hi I need help my husband looks at porn

[deleted account] ( 11 moms have responded )

My husband use to look at porn. Well we got into a fight and he hit me pretty good again. So im not wanting to have sex i feel pretty cruddy.He started looking again and I want to confront him but am a lil scared we will just fight. Any ideas on how I can confront him?

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Amy - posted on 10/13/2012

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It can be cut and pasted, it's a link to one of the pinned posts on the main page which offered suicide and domestic violence links to get help.

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Heather - posted on 10/15/2012

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Rebecca,

My first marriage was exactly like this. To me, our porn and sex issues hurt my heart and my pride a lot more than the abuse issues. I wanted him to want me and only me in that way. And I wanted him to respect my feelings. He could not understand that I didn't want to have sex when my feelings were hurt, but then if I didn't have sex he would just look at pron more and hurt me more and then we would do it less. It kept going around and around.

The problem is, he has to respect himself and others before he can love you and care about you the way everyone deserves. Patience and extra chances and therapy did not help my marriage because my husband didn't want to see that what he was doing wrong. I know you are thinking that maybe something will work for your marriage, I didn't give up right away either, so go ahead and try. But you NEED to put a limit on it, and you NEED to find the strength to walk away from him if he doesn't change.

First, he HAS to be willing to go to counseling. Especially since he is showing no respect for your feelings or your body. You CANNOT stay with him if he will not get help with you.

Second, he needs an ultimatum that the hitting stops. If you are getting violent also, then you have to stop as well. You cannot raise children in a home with violence. If both of you cannot stop violence from happening, then you need to be apart, end of story.

Third, you need to start planning to leave him. You don't have to do it right this second, but you need to have in mind an end date that you will get out by if things don't improve. You also need a plan for where to go and who you know you can trust to help you along the way.

Last, remind yourself that you ARE strong enough to do this. You will make him respect you or you will leave. And you will be better off for it.

I hope this helps. And I will be praying for you.

By the way, I am now married to a man that loves me even when I'm not perfect, and although I hate that he grabs my butt 10 times a day, I know that he still wants me and only me forever.

You can do it.

Dove - posted on 10/13/2012

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Porn is a big issue to ME as well, but physical abuse (or any abuse) is 100% not ok in any relationship under any circumstances. NO ONE deserves to be hit... ever.



I am going to actually pray that you are a troll because if not I am scared that you will never leave this man and you will end up dead. :(

Amy - posted on 10/13/2012

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I'm assuming there's verbal abuse along with physical because no one should say "I'm sure I deserve it no one is perfect". Leave and then find a good counselor because you have some real self esteem issues.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/13/2012

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Are you a troll? Or do you SERIOUSLY think ANY women yourself included EVER deserves to be hit? Your issues are really backwards.

[deleted account]

Its not that that hurts me I'm sure I deserve it I'm not perfect.... I just want to tell him how I feel and hope he understands and loves me enough not to do it. I know you say it's not a big deal but it really makes me hurt like I'm neve gonna be good enough or pretty enough.never gonna amount to what he is looking at that's why he has to look. I just don't know how to bring it up?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/13/2012

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Ok, so you are addressing the wrong issue. The problem really is about him hitting you, not the porn. Leave him and get some help. If he is that violent about porn, what is he like when you break something of his, or you use to much money, or argue about IMPORTANT issues? Scary. Hope you get some help.

User - posted on 10/13/2012

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DO NOT EVER stick with a man that will hit you over something so small! Porn isnt a big issue hes lookin not touching other women! He is still laying with you everynight. but HITTING YOU is a NO NO NO LEAVE NOW get help! Im currently tryin to get one of my friends to leave her husband for hitting her & will pick her up by her throat throw her threw walls. he is gonna end up killing her & if you husband has done it once he will do it again! & it will only get worse! there are so many men out there that will treat you AMAZING & never hit you! I kno I lay down with one everynight :)

Dove - posted on 10/13/2012

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I would not confront him. If he hit you once, he'll do it again... especially since you said .. he hit me pretty good again...



PLEASE get out and get some place safe.



Amy, your link isn't a clickable one... I don't know if it needs to be reposted or if it needs cut and pasted.



Please Rebecca, call someone or go somewhere now. Do you have any friends or family members (preferably someone who is or lives with a strong 'protective' male) nearby?

Amy - posted on 10/13/2012

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Rebecca,



Please utilize the link I'm attaching, it lists resources for domestic violence prevention, since this website is worldwide hopefully there is something there for whatever country you are in.



https://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-to-circle-of-moms/domestic-violence-suicide-prevention-resources-637662?trk=drop_menu_my_communities



Since your husband is prone to violence I wouldn't confront him unless you are in a controlled environment, like under the supervision of a marriage counselor. You should also seek a counselor for yourself if he won't go, it sounds like you aren't feeling very positive about yourself, no one should have to stay in an abusive relationship.

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