hi i need some advice. I am 35 weeks pregnant and not with the father to be. He has become a nightmare. where do i start. He has told me he will turn our daughter against me and he will eventually have her if might take years but he said he will do it. He doesnt have kids of his own and blames me for trapping him. I knew from the beginning he wasnt for me but stayed with him for few months and then i got pregnant. I need to no what rights he has , hes threatened me with courts dna tests and I said i dont disagree we can do that but hes saying and alot more cause if u mess (which were not his words) me i mess ur life up so much.. firstly he said he will bring me to court every week for what i dont know. I have 2 other kids and has accused me of being a bad mother as i dont feed my daughter with proper food, this is not true. I let her go on a bus to and from school. she is nearly 11

Helen - posted on 05/14/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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hi i need some advice. I am 35 weeks pregnant and not with the father to be. He has become a nightmare. where do i start. He has told me he will turn our daughter against me when she is born and he will eventually have her if might take years but he said he will do it. He doesnt have kids of his own and blames me for trapping him. I knew from the beginning he wasnt for me but stayed with him for few months and then i got pregnant. I need to no what rights he has , hes threatened me with courts dna tests and I said i dont disagree we can do that but hes saying and alot more cause if u mess (which were not his words)with me i'll mess ur life up so much.. firstly he said he will bring me to court every week for what i dont know. I have 2 other kids and has accused me of being a bad mother as i dont feed my daughter with proper food, this is not true. I let her go on a bus to and from school. she is nearly 11. he said he will take half her money when and whereever she gets it. he also said he would get rid of me n it wouldnt be a problem. He will get her christened when he wants to, change her clothes when he has her as he wont like what ive put on her. This guy is 42 thinks hes 22. I told him why would you do this putting your daughter through this and he said oh i am very clever she will never know what i am doing and eventually she will want to live with me (him). I have never said he couldnt see her nothing like that but he wants her as soon as she is born for overnight stays, I told him that wont happen for awhile cause she has to get used to her surroundings and he said that wont happen n u cant stop me and u cant and wont and we will see bout that

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Firebird - posted on 05/14/2012

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I live in Canada, and we're very big on joint custody here. Your ex could get joint custody, however it is unlikely that he'll be granted over night visits with a newborn, especially if you're going to be nursing the baby.

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Krista - posted on 05/14/2012

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I agree with Joanna's advice. Do NOT talk to him in person or on the phone. If he phones, tell him you will only communicate with him via email, and then hang up the phone.

And find a different solicitor -- preferably a female one who has a lot of experience in family law. Document everything he's said and when he said it. Even if you don't have "proof" per se, it is still valuable to note it all down, as it can show a pattern.

As well, line up your witnesses NOW. Talk to your daughter's teachers and principal and tell them what is happening. You may need them to sign affidavits regarding your care for your daughter. Find any other reputable witnesses you can (your daughter's doctor, a neighbour, whatever) and give them a brief account of what is going on, and ask if they'd be willing to sign an affidavit testifying as to your fitness as a parent.

This is all advice that your solicitor SHOULD have told you, which is why I'm advising you to fire your solicitor and find a new one who will actually get up off his or her arse and help you.

Helen - posted on 05/14/2012

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Hi Joanna
Thank you for responding to my email. I live in Ireland so I reckon the law with you is different. There all for single fathers here now and I do agree with it totally. But this guy is being unreasonable and stressing me out but he says he doesnt care. I have no proof he said this as it was face to face. He has txt me but nothing untoward. I went to a solicitor already and he said he has rights he can get access and with a dna test he could easily get joint custody....i said to a friend i need to leave the country but this guy would follow me im sure of it...i am scared to what this guy can do he doesnt want the child really, he also said i can get an apartment out of this

Firebird - posted on 05/14/2012

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Get a lawyer right now. Document everything your ex says to you. Don't talk to him on the phone or in person, if he wants to contact you, he can email or text. "he said he will take half her money when and whereever she gets it. he also said he would get rid of me n it wouldnt be a problem." This is the kind of thing a judge will not like. Save texts and emails so you have proof of any threats. No matter what he says to you, always respond politely.

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