Hi Ladies, I just need some clarification in regards to the court order. My ex denied his son he left me when i was 5 months pregnant and got married with someone else.So I took him to court for paternity test and the child support. The court ordered that my son lived with me and 2 hrs visitation with supervision every fortnight. Now he is giving me trouble he wanted more time and he wants to take my son with him. My son is only 16 months. I don't want him to take my son away. What should I do? He is still too young and I don't trust him my son still don't even know his father. Now he is controllign me and wanted more hours. Please i need some advise.
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~Jennifer - posted on 01/29/2012
If he wants more time, he'll have to file to amend the court ordered visitation -and have to go back before the judge. Only the judge can change an existing order.
That being said, as much as you don't 'want' your son to go with him because he 'doesn't know his father'....well....he's not going to GET to know his father in roughly 4 hours a month. Every child deserves a chance to know both of their parents when possible, and regardless of how your relationship with the father ended and how you personally feel about him, he's still the child's father and has the right to pursue a relationship with his son should he choose to do so.
As much as it will probably suck, you still have to find a way to work together to raise your child.
He can't 'control' you in this matter, but you can't and shouldn't, try to control him either.
If you have a court order.... he has to follow the court order. He can't control you and just start trying to get more hours unless the court order says he can have them.
That being said.... as long as he's not a danger to your child and he's consistent w/ his visitation... if you go back to court he most likely WILL get more visitation. Are you the visitation supervisor? If so, maybe you could offer to let him see your son for 2 hours every week instead of every other week. That would give them a bit more of a chance to get to know each other and you the peace of mind that your son is not yet alone w/ his father.
I can understand your feelings. My son was only 17 months old the first time he had visitation w/ his father. Thankfully I have two older girls, so my son was not alone w/ a man he didn't know. They got to know each other quickly though and even though my son (4 in 2 months) only sees his father 2-3 times/year... he can tell you stories of visitations from over a year ago. ♥
As long as your ex is not a danger to your son... it WILL be ok!
Rosie - posted on 01/29/2012
let your son see his dad, without him he wouldn't exist. i know it's hard when someone has basically screwed you and your child over so much in the beginning, but he is his dad and there's nothing you can do to change that. imagine how your child would feel if he knew you were trying to find ways to keep him away from his dad. it isn't about you anymore.
Lyssa - posted on 01/29/2012
since everything has already gone through the courts, he needs to bring you back to court for this too. do you have a lawyer? or at least a lawyer you can speak to for advice? i know they are expensive. but i would try to speak to one, and try your best to make the court understan that that's not in your sons best interest! it could cause emotional damage, and hopefully a judge will not change the order. my sons father tried to pull stunts like that, and i just stood my ground. he had no right in my eyes to try to just come back into his life after 2 years! but seek professional advice so you can make sure the order doesn't get changed.
User - posted on 01/29/2012
Hi Jen thanks for ur advised. Yes, i did told him that we have to go to back to court for changing the hrs visitation. @ Rosie i have never stop him to see his son i told him he can see his son more longer hours later when his a bit older. But at the moment i can't leave him with him. The feeling of a mother that u don't know what's going to happen, i know he is the father and can't change that thanks for ur advise. @ Lyssa yes i will contact my lawyer soon. @ Teresa thank you for that i will suggest that to him if we can do it that way. @ Sherri thanks. Thank You everyone for your time.
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