Hi Moms, I want to share my story with you, and any advice will be welcome please. I am a divorced for 9years, my son turning 12 this month, me and my ex husband and my son all have a stunning relationship, it just didnt worked for me and him but we are very good friends, i been in a relationship for 4 years, I really really love this man, we got engaged this year January, and it felt like this was the happiest day of my life... he does not have children yet and wasnt married before, but he wanted children wich i was gladly willing to do, we were planning to have another baby very soon, and i took the loop out as well. Then April this year four months after we got engaged he ask me if my son can stay with his farther, and come and visit us every third weekend, to give us time to build our life together as a couple and with a new baby, In my mind i just couldnt give my son up it just didnt feel right, but he said he cant do this with my son as well, so i must choose, i chose my son, gave my ring back and moved to Cape Town. He is very upset and said i made a big mistake and when my son is going to High school i will still cry, because only then i will relise i made a mistake, because i left a awesome relationship just because i dont want my son to stay with his farther. Our relationship ended 4 months ago, but my hard is still broken, and i still cry every night,,, will this go away? when i look at my son i know i made the right disition, but how can i cry for someone that can not love my son?
Lucy - posted on 08/10/2013
Even though you feel heart broken now, it will pass, and you have the fact that you made the right decision to console you until it does.
A man who asks you to choose between him and your child doesn't love you, and has no intention of building a relationship with your son. How could you build up your life as a couple with a new baby without your son as an integral part of that unit? Thank goodness he showed his true colours before you went further and became pregnant by him- His comments about how you will cry and regret your decision are serious indicators of a very controlling personality, who you really don't want to be connected to for the rest of your life. I think you've had a lucky escape!
It is so great that you have a positive relationship with your son's father, so that this far in his life he has had solid joint parenting and fantastic role models to guide him. Until the right guy comes along who will enhance the situation and recognise that you and your son come as a package (and your ex, to some extent, as he will always be in your life as the father of you child) then you are better off leaving things as they are. You absolutely made the right call.
Gena - posted on 08/10/2013
Is he jelouse of you already having a child with another man?I am glad you chose your son,no man should make you choose!If he realy loves you he wouldnt say either me or your son!You deserve better.Good luck and pls enjoy some spur,biltong and a creme soda for me...i miss SA
Jodi - posted on 08/09/2013
When it comes down to it, any man who loved you enough and understood you enough would never have asked you to do this. You dodged a bullet. I would say you are lucky that you did not marry the guy and have a child with him.
Dee - posted on 08/09/2013
So proud of you! The fact that he would want you to decide to go with a relationship over your son is horrible. They say it takes just as long to get over a relationship as the actual time spent with the person. That would not be a person to build a life with. Thank your lucky stars you saw the warning signs before you actually started a family with him. A partner that cannot accept you and your son as a package deal is nothing to waste your time on. Cry all you want, eventually you will run out of tears. It is good to be honest to your feelings as you heal. Each day will get better!
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