Hi my boyfriend is planning on joining the military but I have 4 kids

Patty Lynn - posted on 06/03/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi can anyone with experience please help me understand how the process works if my boyfriend and I are married before he enlist,how can he put my 4kids as dependents, will we need the biological father to agree to give up parental rights.i am the primary custodial parent. He has other kids and a wife he pays child support but not enough for all 4 of my kids and he has supervised visitation....with a non profit organization group that assist with court orders for visitation on certain requirements. Anyway will my boyfriend be allowed to carry my kids as dependents for insurance purposes and becAuse he wants a better life for them please help me thank you

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Molly - posted on 06/03/2016

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The Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System is the final authority on who qualifies and who does not--i was incorrect that all step-kids are not eligible, some are-- it depends on coverage of the divorced parent, where the kids reside. the kids would have to reside with the service person for the majority of the time. if the kids did get benefits, they'd not be eligible for lifetime benefits (like tuition, life insurance etc) unless they are legally adopted by the service person. However to qualify under DEERS the program looks at who has been claiming the kids as dependents on tax forms, if the kids were getting government assistance, if they have coverage under a biological parent and if they have shared parenting. the rules of the military are always changing and part of that is to keep up with people who work the system.
here is the most current criteria:

Step-children
- Step-children are eligible for TRICARE as long as the parent of the child and sponsor are married.
- If the marriage ends in divorce, the step-children lose eligibility on the date the divorce decree is final.
- If the sponsor adopts his or her step-children, they remain covered as adopted children even if the marriage ends in divorce.
Sorry was so hasty in my answer-- but remember there still is the potential that if the government considers kids to be the dependents of the dad, then they may not be covered.

Ev - posted on 06/03/2016

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On a note: I know in the civilian world that if someone is married and is a step parent they can include their step kids on their health insurance, dental and eye insurances. It would be extra to what dad has to put them on. So Molly, in the military, could it still work the same for the health benefits if it were legal like?

Patty---

{{Hi can anyone with experience please help me understand how the process works if my boyfriend and I are married before he enlist,how can he put my 4kids as dependents,}}-----Molly answered the question from the military stand point. But I do know that a step parent in the civillian world can add step children to their insurance benefits. But you would have to check that out for sure where you live.

{ will we need the biological father to agree to give up parental rights}-----Why would you want him to give up his rights to parent and be a part of his children's lives?

{.i am the primary custodial parent.}----When you say primary custodial parent is that both legal and physical custody or do you guys share some form of joint custody.

{{ He has other kids and a wife he pays child support but not enough for all 4 of my kids and he has supervised visitation....with a non profit organization group that assist with court orders for visitation on certain requirements}}------My friend has an ex who remarried later to one of the women he cheated on her with and had two more kids. He complained when he had to pay more support when his income level went up. He soon found himself paying not only for my friend's kids' support but for the second ex wife's kids' support too. What you say is not enough support was set by the state you live in and is based on his income by a percentage table they use. What are you doing to add to that support for your kids?

{{ Anyway will my boyfriend be allowed to carry my kids as dependents for insurance purposes and becAuse he wants a better life for them please help me thank you}}------Again Molly answered that. As long as he is just the step parent or boyfriend and in service he may not be able to carry them on his benefits. I know in the state I am in that step parents can add step children to their health benefits in civilian life. Not sure of military.

I just hope you do not use this as a way to move the kids from your ex since he has supervised visits at a place designated by the courts because you would infringe on his time if you had to move because your BF got shipped to a certain place for his time in the military if you two were to marry. The court may not allow you to move because of the visitation your ex gets and it would not be fair to him or the kids.

Molly - posted on 06/03/2016

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military benefits is something i know quite a bit about both personally and professionally. Your children are not the dependents of your boyfriend ever--even if you marry. the only way they'd be allowable dependents is if your ex husband dies and your new spouse legally adopted them-- then they give up any and all death benefits from their biological father. even if you got you ex-husband to collude with you and legally surrender his parental rights, just so they could get added as dependents, you'd be committing a crime. how old is your boyfriend that he is just enlisting now?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/03/2016

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Your children have a father, Your boyfriend cannot claim children that are not his, biologically or by adoption. You and your boyfriend are not married, so he cannot claim ANY of you as his dependents, regardless of what you WANT.

Your children's father has every right to BE a father and in their lives, and it is none of your business if he's got a wife and other kids. He's paying support. If all 4 of your kids are his, biologically, then he's paying for 4 kids. If they are not, then he's not obligated to pay for kids who aren't his either...

Now, granted, I have no idea what you're really asking, because your post is friggin everywhere...

Bottom line: No, your current bed partner can't claim your kids unless their father has rescinded rights. You really don't have the right to ask him to rescind, either...especially since he IS supporting them...

Sarah - posted on 06/03/2016

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Trying to understand your post. Your boyfriend has a wife? He cannot carry your kids on his insurance.

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