hi my name is maria , and i am dealing with a dead beat dad who owes child support for our three boys i have a case with dcse but nothing is happening to get me my childrens money the judge keeps listening to his excusses as to y he cant pay and am so over it every time i go to court i am getting severe axiety attacs from this i feel we need to change the laws concerning child support they already suspended his driving rights they have pit liens and tax liens on him put he is working under the table so ie cant do nothing is there anyone out there that can help me or talk to so i can change the laws pertaing child support i feel the judge is being bies when it comes to him a dcse is limited to what they can do any help would be apreciated i live in va

Carl_hollifield - posted on 07/23/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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a mom you is dealing with dead beat dad who wont pay child support and owes $18,237.99 is there someone i can speak with when it comes to changing the child support laws bcause our children are being forggoton and the deadbeats get to get away with it i live in va

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Donna - posted on 07/25/2013

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You do what you feel is nec. within this situation. If he's a dead beat and refuses to pay, Would your new husband be interested in adopting your 3 sons? if you think that the bio wouldn't allow that, then have the attorney put it point blank as mine did. Pay up all the support that is owed within a certain time frame or sign them over and the slate is wiped clean. It took a huge load off my shoulders and unfortunately there are dead beat parents all over which sucks, especially for our kiddos. I wish you the best of luck and always keep doing your best. Don't worry so much about him. If you want to keep them as their father, then by all means let it be. you and your husband do fine supporting them. Let it lie. When the boys turn 18, and their father thinks its ok to work a normal "job" meaning taxed, he will see what will hit him and it will hit him hard. It will come down to Income tax return? All yours and so on. It will be a good savings towards your sons college or even wedding. Smile, keep your chin up and realize just how blessed you are with your sons and your husband. karma will bite the dead beat some day. It will all come crashing down on him in the hardest way imaginable

Jodi - posted on 07/23/2013

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Well, you can't get blood out of a stone. If he can't pay it, he can't pay it. It doesn't make it right, but it is what it is. Changing a law isn't going to make him any more capable of paying.

I'll be honest, I stopped relying on child support from my ex years ago. As soon as I stopped relying on it coming in to help support my son, and took charge of supporting him on my own, I stopped stressing over it.

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Belinda - posted on 07/25/2013

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If theirs nothing to prove that he is working then their is not a lot you can do at the moment .but as soon as he works and pay tax then you will get your money. It happens to a lot of people .

Jodi - posted on 07/25/2013

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But the onus is on you to PROVE your allegations that he can afford it. Clearly your ex proved a better case that he can't afford it. As Shawnn said, go out and get the evidence.

Carl_hollifield - posted on 07/24/2013

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Look I'm sorry if I offended anyone didn't mean to but I'm just fed up with dead beat fathers who want to make babies but don't want the fuckin responsibility of supporting their kids but still continue to name babies and spread their seed. I think they should have their privates cut off that's all I appreciate all your responses to my post but it doesn't help when the only judge in Shenandoah county is more for the man than the woman on my case

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/24/2013

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"People who think like us"? Seriously? Judgement much? (sorry, Jodi, but perfect response)

As far as the rest, ditto Jodi.

Good grief. If he's raking in the dough, hire a damn private investigator to prove that he can pay. Get yourself a good lawyer, get the PI's proof that your ex is being a tool, and go back to court with evidence. That's how you can get that changed.

Laws are on the books for this. Adding more ain't gonna help. Enforcing what's there would. But, the legal system doesn't have enough time, nor funding to privately investigate every allegation of the abuse of the system. If Joe Blow wants a plumbing job done, and Jim Beam does it, and Joe pays Jim cash out of his pocket, how do you track that? That's the point you're trying to make.

The point that Jodi and I are trying to make is that the laws are there. You want restitution out of your ex? Like I said, hire a private investigator to get you that proof that can be introduced to a judge.

Jodi - posted on 07/24/2013

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"People who think like us"? Seriously? Judgement much? You have no idea who I am or what I believe. You think I believe a father shouldn't also step up? Of course I believe that. But exactly HOW do you suggest they change the law to account for money that isn't accounted for? What he is doing is already illegal, so have the tax department investigate him if you know for sure he is earning a cash income. The law DOES have avenues for you to do that. Once that is done, what do you know, it suddenly becomes accountable. If you don't have enough to dob him in, then I highly doubt any change in law is going to make a damn bit of difference. Honestly, you are wasting your energy and anger.

Carl_hollifield - posted on 07/24/2013

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Thanks all for ur advice , but I have come to terms with it and I do support my kids together with my new husband on our own but and he can afford his obligation just chooses not to because he gets paid under the table he is a master plumber who makes good money this is y child support laws need to be revised bc of people who think like you it takes to to make a child not one and they to should be forced to man up or women up bc it's for the kids I have a total of 7 boys 3 of which is with the dead beat dad and the rest with my wonderful husband , it's the principle of things as to why I won't let him off the hook I get my strength from my boys and no b4 anyone assumes I'm not on government assistance I work as a nurse at a hospital and my husband works for ups in chattily va , I don't want my boys to grow up one day and don't value their responsibilities if or even when they are put in a situation where they have to pay child support for one of their own and go down the same road as he is bc he thinks he can ware me down its so sad that people don't think that you should be able to depend on the money for the child and lastly it only takes one voice to change anything or everything something you guys might want to think about not only that but y do you think this country is in so much debit bc parents who don't work where I work work or have great paying jobs some work a mc Donald's Burger King Denny's and so one need assistance and housing and foodstamps and Medicare and so on so they can support their kids bc of the child support laws we have which are nothing the law can be change to get a Logitech job go to jail and do work program there so much more just have to really look around you that's all it takes

Amy - posted on 07/23/2013

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I knew the day my divorce was finalized and my ex was ordered to pay $97 a week that I wasn't ever going to see a dime. I am the sole provider for my children and agree that when you come to terms with the idea of having to be the sole provider it makes things a bit easier. A friend of mine once told me to think of child support as a savings account, and that maybe one day I'll get be able to cash in on it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/23/2013

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I agree with Jodi, changing laws isn't going to help. He's been hit with everything they can hit him with, and if he isn't making enough to get by himself, then they cannot, by law, take money from him.

I agree that he needs to step up, but you can also help yourself by planning to support the kids, and then anything that he does send will be an added bonus.

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