Hi, new to this group...glad to know it's available. I live with my 32 yr. old son who is single. I ive in his home and was invited to do so when he bought it. We lost his Dad to an accidental drowning 8 yrs ago and were living together even then.....I thought we were BFFs and I feel so confused riight now as last eve his older sister and family were here and I worked, feeling how proud I am of this home and both children being here together, and after was told I was a

Kristina - posted on 05/15/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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HOW DO I LIVE WITH MY 32 YR. OLD SON UNDER THE SAME ROOF IN HIS HOME UNTIL WE CAN GET PROFESSIONAL HELP FOR "OUT OF THE BLUE" ANGER HE HAS TOWARDS ME?

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Amy - posted on 05/15/2013

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Yes you are treating him like a child but that's what my parents do when they come visit me. My father buys me my morning coffee, my mom helps me catch up with the cleaning but the great thing is they go home after there 4 day visit. I would calmly tell him you'd like to talk to him when convenient about what was said the other day over dinner and then continue to act normal. If you want start distancing yourself by being less available, find some hobbies to take up to occupy your time.

If you don't feel like you can say we need to talk without putting emotions into it write him a note. And whatever you do don't dwell on the fact that he hurt your feelings, parents are and always be a child's safe place. Something else could be going on and he's taking it out on you, because your there, your mom, and you'll forgive. Doesn't make it right but it's true. Once you have the conversation you can decide together if financially you can live apart. If he can do it by himself then you'll need to find a way to do it by yourself, even if it means you find someone looking for a roommate. But you really need to give him an opportunity to get his frustrations out without you making him feel bad.

Amy - posted on 05/15/2013

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I would sit down with him after he's calmed down and ask him what he would like you to do. If you don't have the info the only way you'll get it is to put your hurt feelings aside and ask? At least then you can figure out what is wrong and start coming up with an action plan towards both of your independence. That may mean you have to start looking for a place of your own.

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Kristina - posted on 05/15/2013

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Once again, you are right on! I have no qualms about living on my own or with a roommate. It's just a more real option after last night. I honestly think it would be the best for us. My concern is my son finding a roommate. Now, isn't THAT just a typical parental response? Well, at least I am chuckling at myself for the moment.

I will keep posting as it goes along. My son did suggest that we need to see a therapist together, another surprise, but it's a suggestion I agree with wholeheartedly as tough as it's going to be, or may be, to listen to what he has to say. Thanks again. Kristina

Kristina - posted on 05/15/2013

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thanks, Amy......my heart lurched a bit when I read your response but I realize I was reacting to reading the truth in black and white. You are right. It feels right, the part about finding a place of my own. I just don't know if either one of us can pull that off financially. That's why I am wondering how to "live" in a now uncomfortable environment when 24 hrs ago it felt so safe, warm and loving. I am still very, very grateful to my son for inviting me to live here. I always will be. It's just, how do I act (?) until we CAN get professional help when I thought just being myself (my ultimate goal!) was just fine and obviously isn't. Hopes this makes sense. I am getting nervous already as the day is about to begin.......coffee made, work cup set out for my son, house warmed up, etc. I enjoy doing those things for him, but I am treating him like a young child, does that sound right?

Kristina - posted on 05/15/2013

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P.S. This was cut short on the advice of my support person who said it was way too lengthy when I first wrote it and she was right. So, I shorted the question without much information, but I don't HAVE the "info" I need right now to figure this out on my own, so that's why I joined the group. Sorry I wasn't more specific, it was my first attempt at this sort of thing.

Kristina - posted on 05/15/2013

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Thanks. Well the weird thing is is that I did NOT know until last night that there WAS any anger, deep seated I guess, towards me. We get along really well, it's a mellow household with good vibes, I thought. That is what motivated me to join this group, I was so shocked by it! Maybe the fact that he IS angry with his sister who was here for dinner and we rarely see 'cause she lives far away(?). Maybe because he was sitting next to his grandmother, whom he loves so very much, who is heading down the "altzheimer's road", although she is very sweet. Nothing upsetting or hostile or anything was exhibited to lead me to believe I was the source of such anger. I agree with you that just because he invited me to stay with him, he may be feeling "suffocated". We are super codependent, as much as I can't stand that word, but.....?

Michelle - posted on 05/15/2013

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There comes a time when we really should let our children live their own lives. I know he invited you to stay with him but maybe he's starting to feel a bit suffocated.

Could you please elaborate on the anger as it seems to have been cut off.

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