Hi there,I'm new here,would just like some advice really,and to maybe here from other step mums in similiar situation . i have two step daughters,one of 19 ,the other 16,they have never given me abreak,they stay with us half the time so it can be really hard,most of the time they just ignore me,when their not doing that their winding me up. they also call me names,their favourite is psycho and Cruella, over the eight years I have tried to get on with them but I find the week they come back to us,it all starts all over again,no matter how well I think ive tried to get on with them the previous week. Its so bad now,that its easier just to say nothing and hope they dont stir. also my husband doesnt help as he always takes their side no matter what,saying im the adult etc but im worn down now and j I just cant be bothered taking anymore grief from two nearly adults. Also ive just found out im pregnant ,they dont know yet,this was a shock to us both as we had been told it was highly unlikely to ever happen. As I'm writing this tonight,my husband isnt speaking to me once again,reason,I said good morning to her this morning,her eyes lifted in recognition,then she ignored me,i sighed and closed the door as i left. She told her dad,who then pulled me up for it after his work, that story is just one of many petty ones but theyve also both said to my face they hate me,I think theyd hate anybody who was with their dad. Im just fed up now and just would like arest from it all,i just want to be happy but i dont think it will ever stop,its constant,I dread the week their here. Im so frustrated as i have no support from my husband with how they treat me,he just constantly lets them away with it,im now questioning having the baby,so unhappy. This is probabLy a babble to read,so I apologise for this in advance.
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Kelly - posted on 10/12/2012
oh, I'm sorry first of all, about the way they seem to treat you. You deserve the utmost respect in your own home. There is no power like the verbal abuse people can inflict on us, and if we let them, they keep doing it. They have to start acknowledging what they are doing to you. Demand respect or you can't keep doing this to yourself. I wonder if there are any support groups you can go to. Like assertiveness on your part or domestic violence groups talk about the vicious circle of verbal abuse. you are not a doormat my dear.♥
Michelle - posted on 10/13/2012
What your husband is doing is condoning abuse, you nor your unborn child need this aggravation and stress in your life. Sit hubby down explain to him in no uncertain terms that either he do something about there negative behavior or you will have to leave that the stress and negativity are not good for the baby and you have to put the baby first. Though you love him his lack of respect for you and your feelings is not acceptable and you will no longer live like this. There are womans shelters out there for those leaving an abusive relationship they can help you to start over. You don't deserve to be treated this way nor should you put up with it.
Kelly - posted on 10/12/2012
Hi, I agree that your husband is at fault. He is teaching his children to hate. But what are you going to do for yourself? The way our economy is right now, you may not be able to leave, or maybe a part of your spirit is broken and you just don't have the energy to fight. I don't know your reasons of why you stay. I was in an abusive relationship for 2 yrs. My spirit was shattered, broken, gone. I gave up fighting for 6 yrs and I still feel regret. I know those 6 yrs are long gone now, but I have never regreted being free from his abuse. I hope you are ok, ♥
And i forgot to add ,in the past when ive just had enough,and voiced my opinions, sometimes angrily after being in the huff ,which i admit I can be bad but its agood defense mechanism for me at times. Ive been shot back down by my husband who says i shouldnt have said anything,they are the children,i am the adult but what am i supposed to do ,continue to live in a house where I and everybody connected to me are ignored???? Xxx
Thanks Kelly for you kind response,I have tried to be assertive etc,its impossible when they have the support from their father to basically say what they like ,the problem is he thinks he does nothing wrong.Its not fair to bring a baby into this,i am a childminder and the children iwatch,they ignore them too,even when they say hi,they are very rude but he says he can do nothing about that,if he does question them or raise his voice to them,they just go back to their mums until he talks them into coming back. Its such a vicious long circle thats getting so hard .xxxx
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