Highschool Girl Struggling Socially

Kathe - posted on 03/03/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




My daughter is almost 16 and a freshman at high school. Recently she lost two close friends. One moved away and the other pulled away from her for reasons we still don't fully understand. My daughter does have a boyfriend but I am concerned with her lack of any close girlfriends. She herself has expressed her unhappiness about it as well.

She is friendly and very creative....is in a large club at school and goes to an all girl summer camp where she has a good time but does not see any of the girls outside of the camp. She's never been the type to have group of friends...she's more the one on one type or a just a couple friends. Right now she has no close girlfriends. We encourage her to make an effort and she does here and there but just isn't connecting with anyone. She and her boyfriend text constantly. She has told her boyfriend that she wishes she had friends that want to hang out with her. What can I do to help her with the girlfriend issues?


Ledia - posted on 03/03/2015




If she prefers the One on One setting more, try putting her in activities that take place in smaller groups. All of the activities you named tend to be large groups--a large club at school, school itself, and summer camp.

School really isn't a great place to socialize anyway, as most of the day is taken up by studies.
I'm not sure what kind of club she is in, but apparently it is big. Try smaller clubs that meet on a more intimate level and promote conversation and idea sharing. Art club, Writing club, book club, etc. These clubs usually break members up into groups of only 4 to 8 students, and their subject matter opens up the opportunity to talk about things that are more personal, thus building stronger bonds than say, talking about the next fundraiser, for example.
Summer camp is great, but if her camp is anything like the ones I attended as a teen, or the one my son attends, the students come from all over the country and it can be difficult to stay in touch regularly once the summer is over. Not that long distance friends are not valuable--I still LOVE all of my camp girlfriends, even though I may only see them once every few years, and they offer a great variety of perspectives on certain subjects due to different cultural norms--but a more local activity may be better suited for finding the kind of friends your daughter is craving right now: friends she can see and hang out with regularly.

Also consider non-school related extracurricular that promote conversation. Guitar lessons are usually given in small groups, and students are often encourage to write and share their own work, which will expose interests and perhaps spark connections. Equestrian lessons are also a great activity for building friendships. While not a lot of conversation takes place while actually riding, a lot of time is spent on rather mindless work washing and brushing horses, cleaning stalls, and maintaining saddles, blankets, and other equipment. Those tasks are a lot more fun when you are chatting with your lesson mate, so the girls tend to chat and form friendships.

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