Hitting back in self-defense at school?

Gema - posted on 11/10/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )




At school, my son was playing with a ball and 3 other boys (all from a grade higher than he) started to pick on him and tried to take his ball away. My son is not the type to back down so he tried to defend himself from the boys. They snatched the ball and he was angered so he bear hugged one of the boys (the bigger one) and the boy managed to hit my son on his back. My son said it really hurt and he told the teacher. The teacher did not do anything to resolve it so my son came home humiliated and upset. When my husband heard what had happened, he was furious and decided that it would be okay to hit another kid back if they hit you first. Now, out on the street I would agree to this reply, but not at school. Any advice for me to tell my husband? Any advice on how my son can handle this situation in case it happens again?


Dawna - posted on 11/03/2013




Well my child is not yet in school but me and my younger brother were both bullied. My little brother got tired of it and started fighting back because he tried telling teachers they wouldnt do anything principal wouldn't do anything schools say they are against bullying but do nothing about it because the kids that do the bullying the parents have money the kids were raised there or there sports stars in the school. I wish when I was bullied I'd a fought back. I plan on teaching my daughter to hit back if she is hit first. Because schools do nothing about bullying or anything until it becomes violent then the one thats bullied gets blamed for it because the ones that are bullied aren't this or that.

Jodi - posted on 11/10/2011




Your son should have told the teacher when the boys took the ball from him. The moment he decided to "bear hug" the boys, he took the incident to a physical level. No, it isn't okay the the other kid also hurt him, and in my mind, rather than letting them all off from it, they should all have been held accountable. I can totally understand your son feeling upset by the ball being taken from him, but he needs to learn to handle his anger while remaining "hands off", and if this means walking away and telling a teacher, then that's what he needs to do.

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Denikka - posted on 11/10/2011




At school, it doesn't matter who started it, both kids end up in trouble for fighting. Doesn't matter what the circumstances are.
The only thing that you can really do in a school situation is to keep your head down. Take it to the teacher, if they do nothing, take it to the principal. But do NOT fight back in any way shape or form.

Trust me, I know how hard that is to hear. If schools were different than they are, I would absolutely be advocating for kids to stand up for themselves. But I have seen kids get serious suspensions for subduing their attacker.
In high school, guy (G1) comes up behind another male student (G2) and sucker punches him in the head. G2 goes down hard and hits the pavement. G1 goes down on top of him and starts punching away. G2 is facedown on the pavement and G1 is punching him in the head and back.
G2 crawls away and manages to get to his feet. His nose is bleeding (smashed into the pavement when he fell) and he has a cut on his forehead from being smacked into the ground. He says something to the effect of *he doesn't want to fight, doesn't have a problem with G1*
G1 goes and takes another swing at G2's face. G2 catches his arm, does some martial arts move, flips G1 around, lands him on the ground gently, and puts his arm behind his back, saying again that he's not interested in fighting.
Around this time, the teachers etc show up. Both boys are taken to the office, along with about half a dozen witnesses. All the witnesses tell the same story, that G1 provoked the whole thing and that G2 did the minimum necessary to stop the attack.
The cops are involved, because this is viewed as an assault, and both boys are suspended on the spot for 10 days along with having a 30 day probationary period.
The cops eventually determine that G2 is the instigator and he gets community service. According to the police, G1 has done NOTHING wrong, but his suspension is stuck on his record, and he still has to do the period of probation. That's perminantly on his record.
He actually asked, at the time, what he was supposed to do, just curl up into a ball and take it until the teachers arrived? He was told yes, that was EXACTLY what he was supposed to do.

I realize that younger grades are a lot different from high school. But the premise is the same. If you want to avoid punishment, sit there and take it. Do not fight back or defend yourself physically.
Your only weapon is words. And even then, you need to be careful.
I'm so sorry your son is dealing with this. Perhaps you should document when things happen and who was involved (including which teacher was told and what action they took) If the teacher doesn't take any action, especially over a few events, take it to the principal. If they refuse, take it to the school board. There is SUPPOSED to be a ZERO tolerance on bullying.

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