Morgan - posted on 12/14/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )
I need some unbiased advice. I am having some issues with my in-laws and it's driving me crazy and I am not sure how to best handle it.
The gist of the story is that this will be our 5th Christmas my husband and I have spent as a family with kids. My family lives across the country and his parents are 10 minutes away. So we have done our best with an every other year rotation on Thanksgivings and Christmases. We even attempted a joint Christmas with both sides at our house for Christmas one year, but later I found out that his family had issue with having to share that Christmas.
Basically at this point I feel like his family always has some sort of issue, no matter what we try to do. I am tired of it and it is putting a cloud over the holiday and making me feel resentful towards them. Ultimately, I feel like it puts my husband in a bad position between his wife and his Mom and I don't want to do that to him.
The issue this year is that she would like us to come over for Christmas Eve night and have dinner and spend the evening with all of my husband's extended family. I am happy to do this. But then she wants us to turn around and come over to their house for breakfast on Christmas morning along with my BIL and SIL and their two kids. Well she asked my husband the other day what time we could make it for breakfast and in the spirit of trying to be flexible, I told him 10-10:30ish. Her response was we need to be there earlier because my BIL and SIL can only stay so long because then they go to her side of the family's house.
I kindly got on the phone with my MIL and explained to her that I would do my best to be there earlier but I was trying to give her an honest and realistic time. Truly I actually feel like 10:30 is early. I have three kids, 4, 2, and 5 months. I explained that I wanted to have some time Christmas morning as a family and let them open Santa presents and not feel too rushed. I could tell that she did not like my response and she told me, "we just really want everyone here at the same time and to be able to enjoy the morning here because it is our year for Christmas."
I am just baffled. I tried to be nice and honest and give her a reasonable time. It's not like I said we are not coming at all. I don't feel like I should have to rush my kids or our morning to make a specific time frame work because that's what my BIL and SIL need to make their other side of the family.
I talked to my husband about it and he completely agrees with me. But he also tries to avoid confrontation with his family at all cost, which is why he had me talk to her. After our talk I could tell she was upset so I sent her an email and just tried again to explain where I was coming from. Its been 5 days I have received no response. I was at my in-laws house briefly this weekend less than 15 min and she and my FIL were very cold and short with me. I can tell they have read the email and are upset.
I am at a loss on what to do know. I don't even want to be around them. I feel like my husband should defend me and he says if they try to come to him about it then he will but he doesn't need to initiate a confrontation. At this point I kind of want to call her and try to talk like adults, because I feel like it is so childish for her to ignore me and then give me the cold shoulder.
Wondering how others would or have handled a similar situation. I want to let it go and I know my husband is probably tired of hearing me talk about it. But I am so frustrated.
The truth is I really would rather stay at my own house with my kids on Christmas day and I was trying to be flexible by going over there at all, especially in the morning.
Advice wanted and needed.