Homesick College student...

Michele - posted on 09/02/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 20 yrs. old ~will be starting her Junior year in college, on her way to getting her undergrad and then off to apply for grad school. She attends in another state and is away from all of her "close friends". She comes home in the summer time to work and is usually the last of her friends to head back to school. (they all start before Labor day, she starts after). Anyway, she has ALWAYS complained of being homesick and missing her friends and family and would come back to visit EVERY WEEKEND if we let her. (We don't tell her she can't come home, we love her and enjoy the time when she's here) but, she's an adult and living in an apt. with two other girls she's known for the past two years. She claims that she doesn't have any "close friends" at school and misses us and her friends terribly. I'm not sure how to continue to handle this. We have mentioned the possibility of her coming to live at home and attending a school closer, (her's is 2 hrs. away)--which isn't that far. But she likes living on her own and having that independence. We've also mentioned her considering going where her friends are~ and she feels that it would be a distraction and she wouldn't do as well academically if she were with her friends. So, I'm lost. I'm frustrated, and I'm tired of listening to her complain and cry about this. Anyone out there have some advice? I feel like a bad mom, b/c I feel like she should stick it out and accept the fact that it's time to grow up. UGH.

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Connie - posted on 09/03/2015

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I have a daughter in college as well so I know the struggle. The school she attends has a vast multitude of student run organizations as I am sure your daughters does as well. They recommend that we tell our students be a member of at least one preferably more before they come home the first time. Your daughter should be aware that even if she was home her friends are in school as well and they are becoming adults with different lives. I know it is hard but nothing in life stays the same for long. My daughters school actually told us not to encourage her to come home on weekends. That is when the kids and groups do things and socialize together. The only way for them to be part of the community is to be there. I think this transition time reminds me of the one when mine first started school where it was much harder for me then them and they would act like life was over until I left the room...I would tell her to quit complaining and get her school finished then if she still wanted to move back to the neighborhood it would always be an option. good luck and God bless!

Melissa - posted on 09/03/2015

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Ugh, that is so tough! I think it is part of growing up....you can't always live next door to your bestie and get coffee every morning together. If she changes schools, it will probably affect her graduation timeline because schools are so different with their requirements. It might just be hard right now because she spent time with her old friends and misses them more. I bet when she gets back to school, she'll get in her groove, focus on school, and hopefully develop some new friendships along the way. Not sure what to do in your case, but I would just continue to encourage her and see what happens!

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