Hospital visitors....its complicated! Help/Opinions please...

Louise - posted on 06/05/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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So, I am due to give birth within the next few weeks. Here is an idea of the circumstances.

I also have a one yr old by my ex-partner of 3 yrs (baby on the way is his of course) he cheated on me and walked out when I was 6 months pregnant and now is in an active relationship with this girl - fyi we all worked together at the time, she started like 2 months before I went back from maternity leave to get enough hours..... I have been slowly and gradually getting there, keep in mind I loved this man with all my heart, believed him when he told me I was his soulmate etc. He has been divorced twice, now cheated on every woman he has been with and he is severly in debt - so his track record combined with financial situation to top off how much he is going to be paying in child support - well I realise this other girl isnt getting much of a catch. It hurts that another woman could do this, but alas I dont think this girl has much of a conscience. He couldnt committ to me and the family he decided/planned with me, nor the two wives before me, so Im sure down the line same thing.....



My dilemna is, his mom and brother live less then 2 hours away, they know whats been going on, but more recently they just ignore it, they are what I've come to realise 'enablers' they just act as though none of it is happening, hence how he floats through life with no consequences - he is never really held accountable. (Other than the 95% of our large workplace who have made it clear how they feel about him) His family haven't contacted me in 4 1/2 weeks to ask how I'm doing, to see how Im making out being heavily pregnant, and raising a 1 yr old. In fact in hindsight the only time they ever made the 1hr 45 min journey to visit us before was when we had our last son, I mean my parents flew overseas to visit, but they always expected us to make the drive with a baby to visit them. Do you think I should ask them to visit when I have the baby?? I've pretty much made up my mind that I dont want my ex to come to the hospital - he made this the most difficult few months of life, put me in to high risk pregnancy etc..... what would you do if you were in my shoes?

3 Comments

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Laura - posted on 06/05/2011

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It depends on where you live. Here, the mother has the right to decide who/how many people visit, and if the child is very ill, only the mother and father have the right to visit, grandparents have to be given access by BOTH parents first.

If they haven't been supportive (like not visiting) then they certainly don't have to be there if your really don't want them to. You can make the offer, if you want to get them in your childrens lives, then it's up to them.

Valerie - posted on 06/05/2011

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play it by ear...do what feels right at the time...let the nurses and your doctor know how you are feeling now and when you go to the hospital...you do not owe him anything but you may change your mind due to many factors, hormones being one, lol...trust yourself and use the medical staff to have your wishes respected...also think about what your baby might want for the future...pictures of all of you at the birth...it is still your decision but that might be something to consider...

Christy - posted on 06/05/2011

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If it stresses you out, don't mention anything to them. However, keep in mind ONCE the baby is here, they may want to be part of his life, which they have a right to, including your EX. Sad but true. I am so sorry you have to go thru this crap. Keep your head up and stay strong.

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