How am I supposed to get through "step-parenting" without losing my mind?

Leigh - posted on 01/17/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )




As I sit here in peace and quiet I am able to reflect on all the things that I would like to improve in my life. I feel lost, as time goes on I become more and more confused. I do not know where to start with this conversation, so I will just start from the very beginning.
I became a mother at a younger age than most, I was 19. I know there are a lot of girls experiencing teen pregnancy, but 11 years ago, at least in this area, I only knew of one other girl that had experienced it. I was done with high school and actually went through a program earning a certification in a Technical Institute. So before my beautiful baby boy was born I graduated from High School and the Institute.
My son was born days after my graduation and he became my whole entire life. Some would say I was obsessed and others would say it was awesome. I didn’t care what anyone thought. He was my baby, and the best thing that had ever happened to me. His father was not a part of the equation but honestly, being so young, I felt more selfishly about it. It didn’t really bother me because that meant that I didn’t have some man telling me what to do with my son. As I matured as a woman and a mother, I didn’t see an effect on my son for not having him there. He was very independent, and a smart little cookie and just an extremely happy boy! Like I said, as I matured a little, I would sit there and imagine his dad there with me, and being a witness to all the cute stuff he would do.
Right before my sons first birthday, I started to develop feelings for this guy. He was really funny and kept me laughing all the time. I had issues with pushing him away because I didn’t feel it was necessary for him to meet my child and I didn’t want him trying to take up all of my quality time with my son either. I was later convinced to give him a chance. He was wonderful with my little guy and ended being the father of my next three children…all boys as well…4 boys oh my oh my!
Having all boys, you have to lay down the law or you are going to go insane. I have always been very affectionate with them. All were breast fed till they were over 15 months old. I have always put them first. I have been trying to raise them to be respectful, especially to all adults, and also to their siblings. No eves dropping on adult conversation, no cussing, do not tell someone you hate them, and do not use the words “shut up” to anyone. Although some of you may think I am over the top to not let my kids say shut up, I think it is rude and hurtful, and I think its disgusting hearing it come out of a young child’s mouth. I did not like it when people told me to shut up when I was a child. Anyways, a few more examples…NO inappropriate hand gestures, always say excuse me when it’s appropriate, burping, farting, (lol) and most importantly say “excuse me” if you are getting to interrupt anyone’s conversation. I probably could go on for about an hour on this subject. Respect is one thing I am very serious about. If you want Respect then you have to Show Respect!
I am not a Nazi mom that makes my kids do all the chores around the house, but I do enforce a clean room and for their bathroom to be picked up. Honestly, they help me around the house and I do not even have to ask them anymore. Maybe I should have them do more, but I remember when I was a child, I played outside till the street lights came on. I had a wonderful child hood; my mom didn’t make us do a lot of chores, actually none. She would rather of us go out and played.
Well my romantic relationship (haha, yeah right) came to an end because we just could not get along and it was starting to affect the boys. I had found out he had been cheating on me, and probably never would’ve caught him if he hadn’t left his Myspace page up. Although we did not make it, I did end up marrying my best friend! I am completely head over heels in love with him. I never thought that “Love” was even real, until him and I started dating. I have known him for 10 years and I never thought that things would ever develop between him and me. To be honest there were times when my ex and I started despising each other that I would catch myself biting my nails in deep thought thinking about how I wished he (my ex) was just like him (my best friend which is now my husband).
Well even though I feel so lucky to have my best friend as my husband…to have him in my life period, I have had it with my step children. They are extremely rude, to the point that it is embarrassing. I can’t even take them to my parent’s house because I am worried they are going to make a fool of themselves. The 11 year old has a filthy mouth and “twerks” all over the place. They eat on their own terms and sneak food back to their room. They talk to my boys like they are pieces of you know what! The oldest tells them to shut up all the time and the younger one calls my two older boys “faggot” and “Gay” constantly. They leave their bloody napkins in the bathroom and my two year old walked out of the bathroom with it because I was unaware that it was there. The younger step daughter was with me at a softball practice and she says out loud, without a care in the world, “Why is that N***** out there with my sister” I was humiliated and disgusted at the same time. I have never felt the sudden urge to smack a child across the face in my life. I am disgusted with their behavior especially the younger one. Oh and she also asks my oldest son if he is on his period this week.
No matter how many sit downs my husband and I have with them, they won’t straighten up their act. Their mother constantly says disgusting things to them about my husband. I could write for hours about this shit but I will just list a few: She tells them that their father is worthless. He loves the boys more than he loves his girls. He is a piece of shit. He should pay more child support (every though we have them 4 days a week and every other weekend). She discusses the amount of child support with the kids. I believe that she is trying to turn the girls against their father. I have looked up so many things on “Parental Alienation” and I really believe that what she does is going to cause a lot of psychological issues. These girls have very good qualities and I swear…I do love them...but I am over it. Mainly over it because, I have worked so hard to protect my children, to teach them right from wrong, teach them to respect their elders the siblings, friends and even their own belongings. Even though I have been raising them one way, I feel like all my hard work is going right down the tubes. I have lost complete control and I do not know how to go about getting it back.
My husband has the same feeling that I do…he is lost. It is like fighting a losing battle. We work on their behavior all week long, they go home to their mom, she does some more brainwashing and they come back acting like they rule the roost. I posted about this situation before but the only things people say are “leave your husband!” Why would I leave him? I love him to death, I need to help him, and support him, but at the same time I do not want my boys getting this horrible treatment. The girls are just so out of control we do not know how to start fixing things….everything we have tried has failed. It is like two different households under one roof, and the boys have rules and listen and the girls have rules and do not. I have to constantly hear, “Why are the girls aloud to say or do those things but we cant” Ugh
Sorry for such a long Post
But I am hoping that I get a lot of feedback!

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