How can I be a mom, when - I think in my mind I HATE MY SON!

Italia221-ADHD - posted on 12/26/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I do not hate him, it's just so hard. People dont understand how it really hard it is to even go the the store with a kid/4yr old who has ADHD/ODD. I feel so stressed out all of the time.. I wish there was a place to take him to play with kids and I wouldn't have to worry about him hurtting himself or doing CRAZY stuff.. He has a few moments that are good. I took him to Chick-fila and he was climbing up the inside play area and I could see it! It meaning the Craziness in his eyes. He gets so excited and hyper that we had to leave cause he would not keep his hands to him self and was pulling kids down and making them fall and could not understand that that is wrong and he just kept laughing.. It's so embarrasing... I love him and want to enjoy my son, but I can only enjoy him when he is sleeping. I know that sounds bad, please let me know if any of you have or are feeling the same way and can shine some light my way for me my family. Thanks for listening..

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Italia221-ADHD - posted on 12/27/2012

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Thanks to - Ariana - posted 10 hours ago - I really appreciate you for the info.. I have been in counseling with for myself and my son... I just am sad and wanting help.. I love him soooo much.. I have ADHD too and we tend to bump heads. He is my heart.. It is very hard to leave him with anyone.. I left him with my mom and he out ran her and almost got hit by a car.. Then I tried to leave him with my 16 yr old and he busted her nose with his fist caus she was trying to put him in a time out... He escaped while I was in the shower and my sister in-law was watching him and the phone rang and she walked to the next room to get it and he was out side and got shocked by her neibors electric fence.. Then my husband works all day and I left them eating dinner, come back home and my house was destroyed... My husband fell alseep for 2 hours and I had paint all over the walls, chocolate surp on the floor.. and a whole gallon on milk all over the floor.. If you blink or turn your head he is into everythng...
I am trying, but I need to find out if Nemours still has support group meetings for partents of children with ADHD/ODD.. Thanks again.....

Ariana - posted on 12/27/2012

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You may want to find a family councellor who can help you, and him out. Just talking to someone and having them help you make plans for how to deal with all of this can be a major help in making your relationship better.

You may also want to put him into high energy classes, such as swimming lessons. Although I'm sure you may be worried that he will 'act crazy' and things I am sure you could speak with any swimming instructor and explain to them that he has ADHD/ODD and gets overenergized, and if he starts acting out he may have to leave the lesson or be put on the side etc. or whatever needs to be done in this situation. Water makes kids more tired and can have a calming effect. This would involve you not getting embarrased if he acts out though.

Your child has a legitimate issue, he isn't do this on purpose to hurt you or embarrass you. It's hard but sometimes you have to change your way of thinking in these scenarios.

You may also be able to find support groups for parents of children with ADHD etc. Other people who can relate to your specific situation. Maybe there are resources that can help you to deal with his behaviors or ways to change it? Could you ask his doctor about it?

I would advice getting out once a week to do something for yourself if you aren't already (which means finding an understanding relative or babysitter who can deal with him yes...) sometimes we end up being so isolated by our kids that we can''t focus on ourselves and need a break (distance makes the heart grow fonder!).

You should starting to do activities with him that you and he can enjoy. If that means that you go outside by yourself to play soccer, without other kids etc. to worry about, and just run around like crazy then do that. It's difficult but you have to accept your child as they are, not for what they can do, or how they always act. Try to do things with him that you know he can handle. If that means you take out paints and throw a couple shower curtains on the floor and go crazy, and you can only do it for 20 minutes or else it's just to much, do it. Figure out things you can do so you can ENJOY this child. I'm not saying it's a perfect plan, or that every moment of the day you're going to like him (no parents does, lets be honest here!) but you need to learn how to enjoy your kid the way he is, doing things he's capable of.

Like I said, finding a support group with people in your same situation would be helpful to you, who can understand what you're going through. Or finding a councellor to talk to.

I haven't checked if my sons diagnosed with anything but I've been the mom who's had to leave the park 'cause my kids freaking out and trying to roll around on other kids, and screaming about something for no reason, it IS embarrasing, and in that moment we think the whole world is blaming us for that 'awful child'. I remember once I just said 'who's kid is that anyway??' and laughed as I had to go pick him up and carry him screaming away. We just have to accept our kids for the little monsters they are and work on getting them to be slightly more acceptable members of society.

Definitely talk to a councellor (either personal or family, or a support group) anything you can do to get all these emotions out and to find ways to cope with it. It's not easy, and it's great that you're here talking about it. Even though you feel bad, the fact that you're asking for help shows that you really DO care about him, it's just getting to be a bit much.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/27/2012

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This post hurts my heart. Thinking that you can only stand your son when he is asleep. I really hope you are getting some help, and also that he is. Good luck.

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