Darla - posted on 06/24/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )
My 27 year old son is very capable, but he seems unable to make good decisions. He has always held a job (working for us), but since he decided he's not really interested in the family business, he has quit, and hasn't had a job in the 4 months since he left our business. He's always been different, and seems to have an unusual view of things. He's always been very focused on things like video games, almost obsessed. He has his own house, and has been very responsible about things like making mortgage payments, pickup payments, household bills, etc.
When he was a teenager, he had bouts of anger, and although he held it tightly in check, I could always tell it was boiling just beneath the surface. And he really likes to feel sorry for himself. As far as his relationships with girls, he is very charming, and can get any girl, but he can't keep one. The healthier ones (I suspect), get fed up and call him an a$$hole before they dump him. There's no telling what he has said to them, he can be fairly callous. But what he really seems to like is the unhealthy ones - the ones who are vulnerable and need saving. I guess it makes him feel manly. When he was 20, he had a girlfriend who was 15. A horrible idea for obvious reasons. Her mom was divorced from her dad, and she seemed much too dependent on her mom - to the point where the poor girl could hardly function without her mom by her side. This girl is 22 now, and she still has to have her mom with her everywhere she goes.
My son has never been violent or scary, and he is really sweet most of the time. He loves me very much, and isn't afraid to tell me, hug me or kiss me in front of anyone. He says some of the sweetest things. He demonstrates particular kindness and sweetness to his 2 dogs, whom he adores. He just doesn't know or understand how to control his tongue sometimes.
He also has trouble seeing the bigger picture. He is a very talented musician, writes music, and has his own recording studio. He self taught himself how to use all his complicated studio equipment. After he left our business, he spent weeks working on his music, and was so surprised when suddenly he was out of money for a house payment! My husband and I had tried to tell him, but he didn't want to listen. So he never realized that if he worked on his music, and didn't have a job, he would eventually run out of money.
I just can't figure him out. I think if he has AS at all, he must be fairly high functioning, because he can almost make it in life, but not quite. I also have to say that most of the good decisions that he's 'made', my husband and I have made for him. He'll be the first one to tell you that he forgets things easily, but has learned to compensate for that somewhat by writing things down. So, does he have a handicap, or not? I honestly can't tell. It's hard to judge whether he can do better, and just doesn't, OR whether he really is doing the best that he is capable of. I'm afraid to try to get a diagnosis, because he will likely see AS as a defect in himself, and I don't know how to make him understand that there's really not a problem, just something we have to address differently. As soon as he finds out it is related to autism, I'm afraid I'll have lost any hope of helping him.
Thanks for letting me vent. I'm sure I was rambling. I'm open to any suggestions or insight from anyone.