How can I carry on as a mother to my 2 year old after having a stillbirth at 36 weeks?

Ava - posted on 09/30/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I feel so lost. Two weeks ago I lost my sweet baby boy at 36 weeks. I had a perfect pregnancy all along and it was a complete shock. We don't have a reason, and likely never will. That is a hard pill to swallow. My two year old daughter has been our savior, yet sometimes I find it hard to see the joy in her, knowing that I will never experience it with my son. I feel horrible admitting that, but I feel so much sadness now when I look at her. I am so upset that she will no longer be a big sister and I am devastated when she asks where the baby went. Has anyone gone through this with a toddler? We would like to make her a big sister again sometime soon, but how do we bring her along that journey again knowing that in the end this could happen again. I feel so sad for her:( There is a million things on my mind. I am mourning my baby and also my families future. I worry about how far my kids will be a part in age, and fear that my daughter may be an only child. I am 30, and feel like part of me has died. Now I have to spend the rest of my life living with this unbelievable sadness. I think of my perfect life before this storm and think of how I selfishly took it for granted. I fear that I will never feel that happiness again. Will I return to the mother I was to my daughter before this loss? I am not used to not having control over my life. How did you cope?


Sarah - posted on 09/30/2014




You will not know why you lost your baby. I am so very sorry, I lost twin girls to premature birth, when my kids were 10, 7, 5 and 3. They wondered and grieved in their own way with the support of family. I was a mess, if it were not for my ask for help. Also, there was a grief program for lost children at the hospital (I loved that group because I could say whatever I wanted about anything and no one judge me) To not have a cause of death is frustrating and reassuring at the same time. Frustrating because you want an answer, reassuring because at least it was not a genetic defect. You will continue to mother because you have no choice, your daughter needs you. I promise, while you will always have this ache, you will go forward. There will be times where you think "my son would be......" and then there will be days you move through without pain. You are doing your best right now, be proud of that! You will most likely have another child someday, but you need to grieve this loss first. For my 3 yo we told her the babies went to heaven, she had questions but not many. I hope the hospital gave you some keepsakes? Mine did and every now and then I pull out the tiny caps, footprint cards and pictures. You can tell your daughter about the brother that went to heaven to watch over her as she grows. Try not to worry about the spacing between your kids, you can't control it anyway. God has a perfect plan for your family. My prayers are with you.....Also, if it helps you to have a service, do it, don't let anyone tell you it doesn't count because he died before birth! It counts, you felt him live within you for months.

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms