Ava - posted on 09/30/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )
I feel so lost. Two weeks ago I lost my sweet baby boy at 36 weeks. I had a perfect pregnancy all along and it was a complete shock. We don't have a reason, and likely never will. That is a hard pill to swallow. My two year old daughter has been our savior, yet sometimes I find it hard to see the joy in her, knowing that I will never experience it with my son. I feel horrible admitting that, but I feel so much sadness now when I look at her. I am so upset that she will no longer be a big sister and I am devastated when she asks where the baby went. Has anyone gone through this with a toddler? We would like to make her a big sister again sometime soon, but how do we bring her along that journey again knowing that in the end this could happen again. I feel so sad for her:( There is a million things on my mind. I am mourning my baby and also my families future. I worry about how far my kids will be a part in age, and fear that my daughter may be an only child. I am 30, and feel like part of me has died. Now I have to spend the rest of my life living with this unbelievable sadness. I think of my perfect life before this storm and think of how I selfishly took it for granted. I fear that I will never feel that happiness again. Will I return to the mother I was to my daughter before this loss? I am not used to not having control over my life. How did you cope?