Danielle - posted on 06/18/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )
My husband and I have been going through some rough patches, as of recently. My husband works as a retail manager, and feels like he is stuck. He is constantly comparing his wage, and his job to others.
My sisters is a web designer, and her husband is a power engineer. My father works overseas, his father is a doctor, and his brother is an IT technician. Needless to say, he feels embarrassed at what he has accomplished, and feels he is not a good provider because we can not travel or other things the rest of our families are doing.
It is starting to affect the times we spend with the extended family because he feels so insecure, and that he is not respected on the same financial level.
We are able to pay our bills with a little spending here and there, and his job also enables myself to stay home with our son. We have a mortgage, a car, and we are paying all our bills.
To bring in extra cash I have been taking in children for the last year and a half.
We were planning on having another child, and now I am worried that having another child will make him feel more cornered,stuck in his role, and depressed over his life accomplishments.
I think a big reason he feels inadequate is because of my mothers side of the family. They make very little money, and spend what they have frivolously. My mothers husband doesn't work, and sits home all day smoking pot while she works 10 hour days to just scrape by.
She used my miscarriage as an excuse to take "personal days" so she didn't have to use up her vacation... she didn't help us at all, and it was unnecessary seeing as my husband took his vacation time to be home.
They are continually asking others for help, but they will not do what they can to help themselves.
He isn't proud of his job, and feels because he doesn't have a degree that we are no better than them... and he does not respect them at all.
His insecurities are that the family on my dads side (my sister, her husband, and my dad) clump us in the same group as my mother because of our finances.
I keep bringing up school as an option, but he doesn't see it as an option. He has not graduated from high school (which is another insecurity he is plagued with), and he sees as another hurdle in an already lost race.
My question is: How many parents have attended college, how long was the schooling (years), and how did you manage financially with a mortgage and a child.
I tell him all the time that I will go back to work full time, and he can work part-time and go to school to make up for the lost finances...but he is convinced that is not an option.
He also says that it is not fair that we would have to stop trying for another child, seeing as we already have been having troubles conceiving.
I just don't know what to say to him.
We are not the type of people who keep having children when we can't support them, or feel that having children are the only thing that defines us. I am not comfortable having another child when he feels this way.
I just don't know how to convince him that it is possible for us to do this (college)... if this is what he wants.
How can I make him feel better about his life.