How can I cope with being treated badly by my 9 year old son.

Deja - posted on 02/07/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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As a single mother, I often feel like butter being spread over too much bread. My whole life revolves around my son and that doesn't seem to mean anything to him. I am over protective and have a hard time asking for help. He is my one and only child so I've had to be not only his care taker but his playmate. I feel overwhelmed and doubt myself with having the ability to be the mother he needs. I feel like a child myself and learning as I go along. I'm drowning, I need help but don't know who to go to. I pray for strength and patience to go through this crazy thing called parenting.

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Jodi - posted on 02/07/2016

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There are several things that you need to do:

1. Your life shouldn't totally revolve around only your child. You need to make sure you look after you too, and that you also have a life. This is important for your child to see, as this is how they learn to have social interactions.

2. Your child is normal if it means nothing to him - he is a child and that is normal. If you are continually giving to him and never say no, then of course he isn't going to appreciate that some things need to be earned. It's your job to support him and provide for him, but you do NOT need to be his playmate and you are certainly not his slave. He is 9 - time for some responsibilities....like chores.

3. With regard to the playmate things, he needs to learn to entertain himself. It does NOT hurt children to be a bit bored sometimes, in fact, it can be good for them because they come up with creative play. Sure, it's fine for you to entertain him and play with him some of the time, but you shouldn't need to all the time.

4. Let go. Don't hover. Let him grow some wings. Age appropriately, of course. He is not old enough to be unsupervised yet, but don't be too overprotective.

5. Consequences. If he is rude, if he is ignoring your instructions, you need to have consequences. What that looks like depends on your child - remove tv time, or game time, as an example.

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Dove - posted on 02/07/2016

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Well... he does still need to listen to you and he has no right to put you down and that behavior does not need to be tolerated... which is why I asked what is he doing and what have you done about it. Everything you are saying is very general, so it's hard to know how to respond helpfully.

Deja - posted on 02/07/2016

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I feel that I am too over protective, since he was a baby it has been hard for me to stand aside and let him do things on his own. I guess I learned that enabling behavior from my own mom who did everything for me as well. Now my son is getting older he no longer thinks he needs to listen to me. He puts me down and seems like everything I do annoys him. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells all the time.

Dove - posted on 02/07/2016

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What is he doing that you do not like and what have you done about it?

Of course it doesn't mean anything to him that your life revolves around him. He's a child. Kids are naturally very self centered unless they are taught to focus on other people.

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