how can i deal with the miscarriages of my babies?

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Brandi - posted on 12/04/2009

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It isn't easy. I lost a baby just a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant. We really wanted that baby and were sooooo excited to find out we were pregnant, so we (mostly I) was DEVASTATED to find out that I had lost the baby. You need to take some time to grieve. Go ahead and cry, it's heartbreaking. Take each day one day at a time and little by little you will feel yourself feeling a little better about the terrible situation. After a few weeks of me being really upset and depressed and confused about what happened (as you will probably never know exactly what happened) I started to feel ready to make a new baby. I am still sad for the baby I lost, but my daughter wouldn't be here if I hadn't lost my first baby. (i conceived her about a month after the loss of my first baby). You will hear a lot of things from a lot of people "It just wasn't meant to be." "Everything happens for a reason" "That baby probably wasn't going to be healthy" and a plethora of other seemingly meaningless words of "encouragement" and unfortunately NOTHING anyone will say to you will make you feel any better just yet. In a few weeks (months, whatever your timeframe is) you will come to understand that those "meaningless" phrases are really true. My advise to you is to do your best to work through this and then TRY AGAIN!!! You wouldn't believe how therapeutic it is to have ANOTHER baby growing inside of you and to watch it grow. It's a little scary, but it makes every passing day even that more precious. Good luck and I'm soooooo sorry for your loss.

Stephanie - posted on 12/06/2009

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Lauren,
Although you are having a hard time coping with the loss of your babies, you will get through it. I lost my 1st son, Noah, at birth due to an error that a doctor made. He was a 9 lb 2oz beautiful baby boy. This was Nov 10, 2001. I never thought I could ever be able to think about having another child at that point. I was very lucky to have a 4 year old daughter when this happened because she made me get out of bed every day and do things. I had to be there to take care of her. August 19, 2003, I was 13 weeks pregnant going in for a check up with my doctor. We could not hear a heartbeat. She told me it was ok because there were no other signs showing anything was wrong. She did want an ultrasound that day just to help ease my mind. Well, it didnt. The baby was not showing any signs of life. No heartbeat no blood to the heart nothing. I thought it was all my fault and that I had done something to make God mad at me. Taking 2 babies from me. I must be the absolute worse person in the world. But I went through counseling and have been on anti depression medication since all this began. It is very hard to understand, and I probly wont ever understand, but the most important thing to remember is that it will get easier with time. On December 21, 2004, I delivered a wonderful baby boy. I told myself that if anything happened during that pregnancy, I would not ever try again. It is too hard on my body, let alone the emotions! The one thing to trust is the family and friends you have around you. Talk to them!! I am a strong believer in counseling. And if you need to get some medication from your doctor because it will help you get through the rough days, then do it! You have to take one day at a time. If you want to cry, yell, kick, fight, whatever, you do it. If someone doesnt understand, then thats their fault not yours.
Remember one thing:
It will get easier day by day, but you will never forget that precious angel you have watching over you everyday.
May God be with You!!

Kathy - posted on 12/05/2009

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Lauren,

Ten years ago, less than a year after my daughter was born, I found out I was pregnant. I have always wanted a bunch of kids, but it was so soon that I kind of resented being pregnant again. I was just warming to the idea, when at 4 months I lost the baby. I was very heartbroken and felt guilty for not being enthusiastic from the beginning. After much tears and telling God that I was sorry, I found out I was pregnant again. Pretty sure that God was rewarding me after my first test - I was ectastic. So when I lost the baby at 8 weeks, I was pretty dumbfounded. Soon after, my husband came down with cancer and we could not have any more kids. I was angry at God for awhile - however the one thing I hung onto through both situations - was that I had two beautiful babies and one day I was going to hold them. I finally came to realize I will probably not understand why God allowed me to go through those two losses until the day I walk with Him, the same day I walk with the children I did not get to walk with here on earth. I also came to understand that I had to truly walk what I had been saying I believed since I became a Christian 20 years ago. That God is sovreign - that the plans He has for me are for good. Even when I cannot see or understand them. I needed to rely on HIm to guide me each and every day and let Him carry my pain. Now this all sounds good and right, but in real life it is not so easy. Let yourself cry - bring your tough questions to God, keep reading the promises that God has giving in HIs word. I always like to read through the gospels of John - just because I like the way he writes and I can relate. It is good for me to remember - "And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory" This reminds me that Jesus has lived a human life and understands all our hurts and right now He is taking care of your children. Our time here on earth is just a breath compared to eternity. The 3 years we dealt with my husbands cancer seemed to take forever - but when it was over and he is still cancer free to day - the time seemed to short. That is the way it will be when we are walking with our children in heaven - all this time without them will seem like a vapor - a short intake of breath. I will be praying for you to find peace.and to know the love if God in a very real way. God bless you.

Kathy

Suzanne - posted on 12/04/2009

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Do you know your and your partner's bloodtypes? I had two miscarriages before my Dr's office told me that my bloodtype was RH negative. My husband's bloodtype was RH+ and my babies bloodtypes were most likely not compatible to mine. About 80 percent of the population is +. After I found that out, I switched DR's and with my 3rd pregnancy when I started spotting at around 6 weeks I received an injection of Rogham, another at 28 weeks, and another after my daughter was born because it turned out that she was RH+. She's 4 now and I also have a 9month old daughter who's also a + bloodtype. My first two pregnancies were devastating to lose so I was scared to try again, but I made sure I was healthy and took tons of folic acid before I conceived the third time. It's very hard to cope with the losses and some people just completely don't understand but you'll heal with time and you won't forget them but it won't hurt as much eventually. I'm sorry for your losses.

Renee - posted on 12/04/2009

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My husband and I lost two babies, before we completed our beautiful family. We got through it knowing that God has a plan. He giveth and he taketh away. Trust in Him. After our miscarriages, we then conceived with our wonderful TWINS! We like to kid that God was making up for lost time! Hang in there and Always trust in HIM! Good Luck.

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Tonja - posted on 11/04/2013

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After 5 years of trying, I finally got pregnant. I found out in June and everything was going well. In August, I was 17 1/2 weeks along and my water broke, and I miscarried. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I am still "dealing" with it. I don't think there's one specific way of getting through something like this, but it does get a little easier. I still cry and think about him all the time, and I don't know if I will ever be able to fully get over the loss. He was my first child, and forever will be. It's so awful that this happens to people, I just wish I had more people who have gone through a miscarriage to talk to. My family and friends are supportive, but none of them have gone through what I have and they don't understand.

Amy - posted on 12/08/2009

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it's hard! How many miscarriages have you had? Have they looked into to see what caused them? (After one or two they sometimes do tests). Everyone will "heal" differently and handle the situation differently. Mostly I wanted to let you know how sorry I am that you've death with it and make sure you know that your not alone.

I didn't realize how common miscarriages are, many women have a miscarriage before they even know there pregnant, and most happen before 12 weeks. From what I've heard those who have death with early miscarriages find it a little easier to cope as they hadn't even heard the heart beat yet.

I had a miscarriage recently. I had some really slight spotting (just a little red when I wiped) went to the dr the day before Thanksgiving, and everything was "Ok" but I had the ultrasound scheduled for the day afterwards. When we got to the ultrasound done we basically found out that I had a missed miscarriage, my body kept growing as if there was still a baby inside. It had stopped growing for at least 5 weeks with no sign that anything was wrong.

What I did was basically spend hours and hours reading on what could have caused it and what I may have done wrong. There really isn't anything you did wrong, sometimes it just happens, and when it does something is usually wrong.

If you have had multiple and want to keep trying you may want to talk to your dr and see if they need to run tests on you to see if there is something they can do to help.

I, honestly, have a hard time coping with it because I'm a factual person and need to know why. Coping with the fact that "something might have just been wrong" is not easy. I just hate not being pregnant and as soon as I'm physically ready were going to try again because I know that it is what I need to finish healing.

My dr was also telling me that the hospital does have some support groups or people I could talk to. Is there a support group near you? I haven't gone to any but I've got several friends who have had miscarriages, (more than I realized) and found it to be the best way to help cope with what's going on. They know me personally and also know what I"m going through, so there ideas/suggestions/words of wisdom are geared towards me.

The one thing everyone tells me is to just keep busy, but that's because I'm in the waiting to TTC.

Christina - posted on 12/07/2009

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I know that nothing anyone says will take away the pain of loosing a baby, but I do know what you are going through, and I am very sorry. I myself have had 4 miscarraiges. Most important is to allow yourself time to grieve. I don't know how far along you were, but I know from experience that that doesn't really matter. It hurts just as much at 10 weeks as it does at 23. The things that I found most helpful to me were to find a support group and talk to others who are dealing with the same thing. Your OB/GYN, hospital, or health department should be able to help you find one. Second, don't let anyone make you feel bad about grieving this child. I have a memory box that has things from all 4 of my miscarriages. Inside I have things like the positive pregnancy tests, ultrasound pictures, the hospital bracelets from when I miscarried, cards and such that I recieved from people when I found out I was pregnant, and from when I miscarried, as well as letters that I wrote to each child. I named each of my children even though I never got to hold them, and when people ask me how many children I have I tell them "7. Kyle would have been 17 this year; Kevin, who is 16; Kayla would have been 12 this year; Kalida would have been 10 this year; Brianna, who is 7; Katherine would have been 5 this year; and Alexander, who is 2." And if they ask what happened I tell them that God decided they were too special for this world and took them home to Him before thay were born. I light a candle for them every year on their birthdays, and on the holidays, and I still sometimes right them letters and add them to the memory box. No one has the right to tell me that I only have 3 children. Just because they went home before I truely got to meet them doesn't mean that they didn't exist.
Let yourself cry. Let yourself be angry. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself remember. Let yourself accept help. Let yourself move on.
Get a special ornament for you Christmas tree for the baby. Plant a tree in memory of the baby. Help someone else who is going through the same thing. These are all things that have helped me cope with the loss of my children.
My grief group when I lost Kayla, gave me a poem that says it all.

To All Parents
"I'll lend you for a little time a child of Mine," He said
"For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years, or 22 or three,
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
and shall his stay be brief
You'll have his lovely memories as solace and relief."

"I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true
And from the throngs that crowd life's lines I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call to take him back again?"

I fancied that I heard them say:
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done.
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay;
But shall the angels call for him
much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

By,
Edgar Guest


I have a calligraphied copy of this poem framed on the mantel in my family room. It has brought many tears, but also much peace and solace. I hope it does the same for you.

Just remember you are not alone, there are those that love and care for you, and ther is help for you to get through this time of pain and loss. Lean on your friends and family even if they don't really understand. Don't push the people around you away. Always remember that that child knows how much you lived it, and loves you in return.

Megan - posted on 12/06/2009

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First I am so sorry for your loss. I had "scares" with my son thankfully we got through it. i am not as strong as many of you seem to be even now reading your stories makes me cry. its stupid i know, but as a human being, a female and a mom i read the stories and try to put myself where you are and it hurts...i cannot imagine though the depths of the emotional pain you are feeling

I am the product of a "miracle pregnancy". Mom went through alot before she had me. As did 2 of my aunts. One who is my mine and my sons Godmother had 4 miscarriages, each into her 4-6 months. They devastated her and she says even now that she wanted to kill herself. When I was born I took some of the ease off of the 3 of them. 13 mnth later she became pregnant with my cousin and carried him successfully. she even had 2 more kids. my other aunt had a son 24 month after i was born and another 3 yrs later. she too almost took her own life. but they both say now that even though it hurts it is now manageable.

they both still cry on the expected due dates and have planted flowers of various kinds for them. both say that time eases the pain but it is never really gone.

i cannot nor will i try to say i understand your pain. but through my stories maybe you can find some comfort. life goes on and though you wont forget, your little one will always be in your heart.

again, i am so very sorry for what you have and are going through. i wish you the best of luck and remember, family and friends will always be there to support you. dont be afraid to ask.

Jessica - posted on 12/06/2009

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Well Lauren all I can tell you is our bodies have a way of knowing when something is possibly wrong and it lets nature take it's course. It doesn't always seem like the right thing at the time but eventually when the time is right a baby will come into your life just trust in the Lord he knows what he is doing. Good Luck to you!

Marie-therese - posted on 12/06/2009

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Quoting Lauren:

how can i deal with the miscarriages of my babies?




Hi so sorrry for you . Having been there myself many times.  People try to understand by saying stupid things like  ' never mind you can always try again'.The things is they don't realise that you feel empty and guilty.  Your rational head will tell you that this is just life and you have nothing to be guiltly about but your arms yearn for that baby... Evenutually I had one baby and after another miscarriage that nearly killed me had twins.  I remember a girl in the same ward as me having had many miscarriages telling me that people feel awkard and nurses and midwives are trained to deliver live healthy babies and unless they have been through it have no one has any  idea how empty you feel.  Cry as much as you want and smile when you think of what might have been.  Don't be afraid to grieve this was your baby and if others don't understand your pain, people like me do. Lauren you are in my thoughts and prayers.  Good luck to you

Brandi - posted on 12/05/2009

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I also had a miscarriag between my two sons. Like other people have said it isn't easy. The best advice I can give you is, don't let other people tell you how you should feel; cry, ask why, be mad, whatever it is you need to do. I think if you deal with how you're feeling it makes "easier" to be able to go on. I know it doesn't mean much now, but it does get better. This is a poem someone gave to me when I lost my baby:

Precious, tiny little one
You'll alway be to me
So perfect, pure and innocent--
Part of heaven's family

We dreamed of you and your life
And all that it would be.
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family.

We never had the chance to play,
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.

I'll always be your mother,
He'll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had.

But now you're gone...but yet you're here
We'll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy,
There's love in every tear.

Just know our love goes deep and strong,
We'll forget you never--
The child we had but never had;
And yet will have forever.

Ingrid - posted on 12/05/2009

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It really is a difficult thing to overcome and I think you have been given so much good advice from everyone. Because of my own experiences I started a website which you may find useful to look into even if it's only to see that you are not on your own, as we so often feel when something like this happens to us. Have a look at it www.adoption-experience.com and I wish you a lot of inner strength!

Deborah - posted on 12/05/2009

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The only way that you can deal with it is by accepting it and allowing yourself to grieve. If you need to cry, then cry until you can't anymore. This is all part of the grieving process and remember your babies are in a beautiful place right now. My son is waiting for me right now and that makes me feel better.

Patti - posted on 12/05/2009

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Lauren,

I have not experienced a miscarriage but I did lose my daughter after having her for 29 years. First off I want to say I am so sorry, there are many people who will offer condolences that you think are so insensitive,they mean well, they just don't know what to say. Your pain is real and it is yours and it will take time to heal, you will always remember this baby. Sometimes in our pain we become distant, I say talk to your husband and just have a signal word that might say(I am having a hard time right now) When i am struggling it helps my husband for me to say this to him, so that he knows to be extra gentle with me or at least understands my mood. I don't understand my loss and we never will. Sometimes I think God how could you let me suffer like this ,but maybe this was his help with my daughter and not me.Maybe some day God will say this wasn't about you, your daughter needed me, I know my situation is different than yours but I hope I get across to you, that people mean well so don't be offended. Let your husband know how you are feeling he might be feeling the same way, let him know its a 2 way street and you are there for him too.If you have other children I hope they can give you strength in just knowing they deserve all of you too. I Find joy in donating Bibles to our church on her Heavens Birthday. My family and I also release helium Balloons on that day, which also made us smile, even my 3 to 7year old grandchildren understood it, and was happy to let their balloons go. I don't know you religious side, But my belief is there is eternal life with God, and I will be reunited with her again. That also gives me hope to move forward, the story of Daniel after his child passes was to get up and start doing what he needed to do so that when the time came he too would live with God and his son again. I hope this helps, It has been a year now and i still miss her so much. Cry when you feel like it and laugh too! It is okay to be happy again,but if you struggle to long then it is okay to ask for help with antidepressants to help you through the roughest times. May you find peace and happiness. Sisters in loss.

Jennifer - posted on 12/05/2009

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Oh Lauren, my heart breaks for you. I lost two babies in the past few years. The anguish seems insurmountable. There were several things that helped me move forward; first the hospital offered some wonderful literature on miscarriage and the emotions that my husband I were expeiencing. They had one pamplet especially for the father explaining that it was his loss as well and that it is ok to mourn his child and encourging him to do so with his wife. My husband and I went through it together. My husband also bought me a pendant with the baby's birthstone, so I would have a something to to remember her by.
Another thing that helped was talking about it; you would be surprised how many women that you know have been through a miscarriage. Their warmth, understanding and encourgement washed the isolation I had felt away. I learned that it was ok to cry, it was normal to love this child I had never seen with all my heart.
I turned to my living breathing child and began to truly see how amazing she is and how fortunate I am to have her. I also realized that she too had suffered a loss was saddened by what the family was experiencing.
Finally, I turned to God. I was fought with him, cried with him and healed with him.
I did end up have a beautiful, healthy little girl who is now 15 months, with an uneventful pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant a few days before I was going to attend an adoption seminar. Amazing how things work out!
I still occasionally become weepy over my angel babies. They were and are a part of me.

Amy - posted on 12/05/2009

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compassionatefriends.com I lost a daughter 14 years ago last month at full term during childbirth. The following year I had a miscarriage. Without them I would have gone crazy. I can tell you it will never go away, but with time it does become easier.

Heather - posted on 12/04/2009

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I just recently lost my son to stillbirth (he was born at 39week 4days, diagnosed with Potter's Syndrome at 18 weeks gestation.)

You really just have to take one step at a time, one day at a time. Don't be afraid to cry, or be angry, it's all part of grieving and the more you bottle it up the worse it is for you. I've found great comfort in other mothers who have gone through the same thing, there is an organization called SHARE, they have been extremely helpful throughout my pregnancy and even now. Their message boards have connected me with a lot of other women who understand and are always willing to lend an ear. (http://www.nationalshare.org/) I would highly suggest looking into it. They also have support groups throughout the nation. I've never attended a meeting, but I hear they are really helpful in the grieving process.

Also, if you are the reading type I would suggest "Empty Cradle Broken Heart." That book has really helped me understand a lot about grief and loss.

Myra - posted on 12/04/2009

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It depends on where you find comfort and strength. I strongly recommend making strong bonds with your loved ones, yourself, nature, and your spiritual side. Also, reading about miscarriages may help. For me, getting the medical records helped, too...it gave me an understanding of things medically. I recommend getting a complete physical, too. With me, it was thought that I had endometriosis for about 5 years. After losing my children, I had a physical and enough problems abdomenally that my doctor sent me to a gynecological surgeon (the place I lived didn't have a regular OB or Gyn and he was the one who also delivered babies in town -- small town life...gotta love it) for a laparoscopy. I was diagnosed with endo in early 2003. That helped to understand even more of why miscarriage/pre-term labor may have happened with me.

I think the bottom line is this: try to learn as much about yourself and what happened as you can. Doing so should help you...it did with me. It really helped me to stop blaming myself.

Also remember that every day that passes is another day you've made it through, and those days are also miracles..and they do get easier to make it through. :)

Shondell - posted on 12/04/2009

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First and foremost, I am sorry for your loss. As a woman who has had six miscarriages, I understand what you are going through. If you are having problems with coping, try to talk with someone. I eventually went to therapy and was on meds for a little while to help with the depression (it helped alot). Also try to take a little time before trying again and definitely speak with your OB. Get a new Dr if you are not getting any answers from the Dr you have now. Also let your partner know how you are feeling so that you can lean on each other for support.

Christie - posted on 12/04/2009

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Along with all that has been said it doesn't mean that your next one if you so decide won't be ok. I had 3 miscarriages the last being 4 months into it the preg. before successfully carrying all 3 of my girls to term each 3 yrs apart. It just really made each one of my girls so very special to me:)

Rebecca - posted on 12/04/2009

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Suzanne is so right on this as well! Check in to blood types. My mother had loads of misscarriages before having myself and my sister. It also turned out she could not carry a male gene which also contributed to her miscarriages. Get some blood wrok done before you try again so you don't have disappointment again if that is the case. It is a simple fix if it is:)
GL

Cathi - posted on 12/04/2009

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My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, and it was really hard. I was heartbroken. The doctor told me that with most miscarriages there is usually chromosomes that did not develop, and if I had carried to term the fetus might not be compatible with life outside the womb, or would have had developmental and/or physical disabilities. Not that that comforted me emotionally, but it set my mind at a little ease. You just need to give it time. "Time heals all wounds" Talk to people, you are not alone. Don't hold back tears if they come. You just have to keep on truckin'. One day you will realize it's not as hard as it was before. If this is something that keeps happening, you may want to talk to your doctor. If you are trying to get preggers, do everything you can to 'ready' your body. If you smoke, quit. Don't drink/do drugs. Eat healthy and be active. And take a prenatal vitamin while trying. It has an increased amount of folic acid, which is super imoportant for baby. Keep your chin up. It get easier.

Betsy - posted on 12/04/2009

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I just lost a baby myself a couple weeks ago, and the pain was a heavy load to bare. Not only was the physical pain extreme, but the emotional pain was overwhelming. I still grieve for that life that God wanted to take home everyday, and the pain hasn't passed. But as the sting slowley goes away I just remember that I have 3 beautiful children and if we still want to have another, we can. Just know that when "the time is right" it really will happen, that wonderful little one will enter your family.

Rebecca - posted on 12/04/2009

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I lost my first at 4 months pregnant and it was very hard on me. I aws told at 17 i would never be able to have a child and we went through a lot to get pregnant to begin with. I went through a major depression and felt i let my boyfriend down so i left him. He was then more devestated by me doing this but i just couldn't look at him knowing that i could never make his dreams of having a family come true. It took me a while to get over but i honestly found that once i left i felt better without the daily reminder everytime i looked at him. I'm not saying to keave him but it will be ahrd and you will need a strong support system behind you. I am now with a great guy and we have been together for almost 5 years and went through treatment for 6 months before conceiving our son who is now 2 and our daughter who is 5 months old i needed no help:) Give it time and don't rush in to another pregnancy. Let your mind cahtch up with you and let your body heal. Pray everyday and know that you now have an angel watching over you everyday smiling:)

Jean - posted on 12/04/2009

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Quoting Jean:

it is never easy, but when I lost mine, the Dr told me that sometimes it is for the best, maybe something was gonna be horribly wrong with the baby and maybe this was Gods way of saying wait, I have something else in mind. I know that dont make it any easier,but it helped. Also my niece was born with spina bifida and then I knew what he meant. I will pray that you have better luck and ask the lord to wrap his arms around you .
Jean



By the way ,I now have 3 beautiful daughters and One grandson with another on the way. It does get better. If you are not able to have more ,please consider adoption. I have friends that have and I do know you can love them as much as your own. Hope this has helped.

Christina - posted on 12/04/2009

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take it one day at a time. my son died as i was giving birth to him because he got stuck sideways for 6 hrs. what really helped me was to talk to people about it. for the first years after his death i was an emotional wreak but then i realized that my other son needed me and that i needed to be a good mom for him. my 5 yr old and i pray about his brother in heaven. on his birthday we do something that we can do together in which we think about how blessed we are to have each other, and that we have an angel watching above us. it takes time... dont rush it... talk to other mom's.... you have alot of people on your side to help you out.

Jean - posted on 12/04/2009

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it is never easy, but when I lost mine, the Dr told me that sometimes it is for the best, maybe something was gonna be horribly wrong with the baby and maybe this was Gods way of saying wait, I have something else in mind. I know that dont make it any easier,but it helped. Also my niece was born with spina bifida and then I knew what he meant. I will pray that you have better luck and ask the lord to wrap his arms around you .
Jean

Michelle - posted on 12/04/2009

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It's not easy. Just try to be strong, but also remember that it's ok to cry and think about the baby you lost. My husband and I lost our first try and I was hurt. It took me a long time to get over it and even want to try again. But I leaned on him and a few close friends and I realized that it's ok to think about it and cry. I am thinking about doing something special to always remember that baby by. I was thinking a rose bush of a tree- something that will always be a reminder of that little one. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope I helped a little.

Michelle

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