How can I find out if my daughter actually sees her dad?

Krystyna - posted on 08/09/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi I am a single mum to my daughter who will be 1 next week. Her dad is supposed to have her from a Friday morning until Sunday afternoon. I was just wondering if there is any way that I can find out if he actually sees her or if it's just his parents who look after her?

She has my last name but her father is on her birth certificate. So if anyone can help me with any knowledge or experience in how I should go ahead with this matter it would be most appreciated.

Thanks.

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Priscille - posted on 08/09/2015

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Hi Krystyna,

Nobody can control somebody else's behavior long term, you can only influence it at best. So your daughter's dad is going to do what he is going to do.

You don't mention the history you have with him and how well/often you communicate together but I would make sure he understands how important it is for you that he is a part of his daughter's life and why. Not in a pushing way, but just so he knows.

A good idea would also be to strengthen the relationship you have with his parents. No matter what they will always be your daughter's grand-parents. They can be a support for you and your daughter in many ways during her life and they probably can influence their son in some ways too.

Dove - posted on 08/09/2015

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You don't necessarily need to have a lawyer if the two of you can come to a mutual agreement... either together or w/ the help of a mediator. You just need to have it signed off on by a judge. If the two of you can NOT agree... either just between you or w/ the help of a mediator... then yes, you do need a lawyer (technically people do 'fight it out' in court w/out a lawyer, but a lawyer takes most of the stress on themselves... so I highly recommend that route).

Hang in there!

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/11/2015

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Well, Sarah, Michelle and Dove have pretty well stated it. Get formal orders. Make reasonable requests. Abide by the orders, and co parent with your ex.

Good luck!

Sarah - posted on 08/09/2015

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The only thing that would make a difference is if it was stipulated in your custody/visitation decree that she must be at a certain address or something like that. However, like the other mothers have pointed out; when he is in charge of her you can't control who watches her unless she is in danger.

Michelle - posted on 08/09/2015

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What Dove is explaining is having the visitation schedule in writing. You also need to have custody and child support in place.
In regards to if he spends time with his daughter or not is nothing you can control. As long as she isn't in any danger you need to not interfere with what happens when he has her. It's up to him if he spends time with her or not. You can always mention something to his parents when they pick your daughter up but it probably won't change anything.

Krystyna - posted on 08/09/2015

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I will phone a lawyer in the morning. I really hoped that it wouldn't have came to this. He admitted to me that he only saw her for a couple of hours yesterday and left her at his parents house overnight because his excuse was that he had things to do.

Dove - posted on 08/09/2015

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You NEED to get a court order for custody, visitation, and child support. Not having a court order is like playing Russian Roulette w/ your child's life.

Krystyna - posted on 08/09/2015

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I've been trying to avoid lawyers and the courts but he lives half an hour away from his parents and it's them who always pick her up and drop her off again. The whole point of her going to see him at the weekends is for them to bond with each other.

Thanks for replying Dove xx

Dove - posted on 08/09/2015

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Do you have a court order for the visitation? Can you just ask him or his parents?

I'm not sure it really matters as long as they aren't a proven danger to her though. During his visitation time he can have anyone around her that he wants.

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