How can I get my 6 year old to listen?

Jennifer - posted on 01/12/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter who is 6 will just not listen. I feel like I have tried every punishment, non-punishment and threat and nothing works and she just doesn't seem to care. She has gotten in trouble in school for this. Any suggestions?

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Jennifer - posted on 01/13/2015

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With my 6 year old....There has been no changes or anything different within my family and/or school.
She is in a very stable environment. She has never been a good listener.

I have done reward charts w/ prizes and that only seems to work for the first week. I even resorted to a "naughty jar" which I don't like to do something "negative" but seems to work the best. If I count to 3 and she isn't listening still she has to pick from the jar....she can loose tv and computer privileges, donate a toy to charity, etc.

I will try what you said (with the poker chips) and see if that makes a difference

I do talk to them everyday and I ask them about school etc. We also read books every night. They definitely get my attention but maybe she just needs more than others. I also try to do some activity with them but that doesn't always happen w/ schedules etc.

I appreciate your feedback....thanks!

Sarah - posted on 01/12/2015

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Jennifer, you posted a different thread about your son. You have one child biting and having tantrums and another that is in trouble at school for not listening. You have your hands full. Has there been a change in the family dynamic or some sort of stress that could have triggered the behaviors?
For your six year old: At a time when you have her undivided attention, explain that listening to you and her teacher is her job. Motivate her to comply with a delayed reward. Set up the rules, you will ask her to do something one time and give one warning, and you do not want to hear from her teacher that she is not listening. For every "good day" she earns a token (poker chips work well). If she has a "bad day" she does not lose a chip, but she does not get to watch any TV, (or play computer etc) just pick her favorite. When she has 5 tokens, she can pick out a small prize or do something she really likes (pizza for dinner, watch a movie) This way she has something to aspire to achieve and the tokens are very visual. Keep them out so she can show off her success to whomever. After she easily get 5 days, move it to 7 and make the reward the same. I generally don't believe in rewarding kids for expected behavior but you want to establish a pattern. Praise her each time she listens and obeys. If your kids are not getting enough of your positive attention, they will seek your negative attention. That seems to be where you are at, so make sure you spend some time with each child every day. Read a book and chat about the school day. Focus on the positive behaviors and downplay the undesired behaviors. Hope that helps!

Jennifer - posted on 01/12/2015

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I certainly try. No matter what I do... be consistent or not consistent, it really doesn't seem to matter. I just don't know how to get her to care and be more respectful.

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