How can I get my 8 & 7 year old boys to stop fighting each other all the time?

La Sonya - posted on 10/21/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I have two boys 8 & 7 years old and they are always fighting each other. I have tried everything I now how to get them to get along, but nothing has/is working. I have tried to talk to them calmly, fuss, take away toys/snacks and putting them on punishment. Their dad even talks to them, but that only last for the moment. What can I do, someone please help, it's driving me crazy.

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Louise - posted on 10/22/2011

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I feel your pain. I had two boys and they did the same. I channeled their energy into clubs and eventually they choose different ones. They both started karate and had to learn the disciplin that goes with it. This did calm them down a lot. My youngest son also joined the Beavers and as he got older he went on to the Sea Cadets which he loved, my eldest son joined the RAF Cadets and they did very different things. They just simply got new interests and matured. For now grin and bare it but consider the clubs it gives them something to focus on rather than rough and tumble all the time at home.

Sharlene - posted on 10/21/2011

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Hi ,they sound so much like my two older children 1yr apart.Personally its a sibbling ribering betwwen sibblings .we had them go to there room and write on a sheet paper or did drawing of how they felt between each other,and if they were still the same we had them grounded and even at school they were both on recess and lunch detention,Now they have got older and wiser they look out for each and back each other up and gang up on mum and.LMAO.all the best

JuLeah - posted on 10/21/2011

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You have to figure out why they are fighting, I don't mean what this current argument is about. I mean, why are they fighting. What do they get out of it? There has to be a reward in it somewhere, or they'd not do it.

What is a reward for one is not a reward for another

I am thinking of myself in the 1st grade. I loved my teacher and I loved spending time with her. It took me exactly 4 days to figure out that if I talked out in class, she put my name on the board - I LOVED that! My name up there for everyone to see.

If I talked out again, I got a check mark, which was even better.

Only 3 check marks and I got to stay inside for the whole recess with her; just her and me. Sometimes she had me clean the board, or hand out papers - I loved to help and had a good time.

All behavior has a function, serves a need. All behavior has a reason. If we can figure out the reason, figure out what need is being met then we can figure out a better way for that need to be met and change the behavior

Had my teacher really wanted me to stop talking out in class she might have set it up like this: If I don't talk out all morning then I get to sit next to her at story time, or I get to help her hand out papers after recess, or ..... you see what I am getting at

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La Sonya - posted on 10/24/2011

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@carol, thank you for your input and helping me feel encouraged that one day they will get along. My younger son is the one that beats up on the older brother, so I try to always explain the importance of family and togetherness. Hope this will help my boys.

Carol - posted on 10/22/2011

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My 2 sons were 18 months apart and fought all the time. When they were teenagers, we had some good conversations. The older boy was jealous of the younger--he wasn't ready to be pushed off Mommy's lap. He was a very clingy child. So he was pretty mean to his younger brother, who felt very competitive in return and always wanted to beat him. But when you're little you can't beat someone with 18 months' head start. When my younger son realized his brother was jealous of him, it was quite a revelation. All this time he tried to be better, and his brother was jealous of him. I asked him if he could forgive the harrassment, and he did. That was the beginning of a good relationship. Today they are adults and the best of friends. I wish I had realized the dynamics of the relationship sooner; I could have avoided some of the times I frantically kept them from hurting each other.

La Sonya - posted on 10/22/2011

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I have received some very good advice and I thank you all for your help. Wish me luck :))

La Sonya - posted on 10/22/2011

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@ Louise,I thought about Karate but never went through with it but I will be putting them in it now and trying to channel their energy too. Thank you

La Sonya - posted on 10/22/2011

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Wow Juleah, reading your response made me think of something. My youngest son might be enjoying the fact that its just me and him too, because I always take him to the room and try to talk to him because he is the aggressive one most of the time. My oldest son, I always stop and ask him what is he crying for and talk to him separately too. Then I make them shake hands and say they love each other. I also will tell them to please stop if they love mommy. Maybe they like the attention that they are getting from me (one on one). Very helpful and excellent point. Thank you, I will definately try to see what it could be.

La Sonya - posted on 10/22/2011

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Thank you Sharlene, I will try what you said and see if that works. Hopefully I will be successful as you

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