How can I get my husband to not be so hard on my kids?

Erica - posted on 02/24/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My husband stays home with my 11mo old baby. When my 5 and 9 yr olds get home from school it seems like they are immediately in trouble. I know it must be frustrating being at home but I feel like he takes it out on the kids way too much. He used to get them ready for school in the morning and now I do (before I work full time) because all I would hear all morning was him yelling at them. I didnt want them to have to go to school in a bad mood so I started doing it. Now, I am having to get my kids from the bus and bring them to work with me so they can do homework with me because he would just yell at them and they still wouldnt be done with it when I would get home at 5:30. They are usually crying or in the corner when I get home. Dont get me wrong, on days when I am home, my husband is fine. He does things with the kids, plays with them outside, and is a great dad, most of the time. During the week, its like hes mad all the time. He gets so mad, they cant even ask simple questions or have a small conversation about their day at school without him telling them to go to their rooms. I dont know what to do? Any suggestions?

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Safia - posted on 07/19/2013

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Ohh my god i think man all over the world are the same and women are as well!!! LOOOL!
i was thinking of leaving my husband for this reason, being hard on kids for no serious reason..... ;(

Erica - posted on 02/24/2010

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Thanks, that does make sense. I have tried saying things like, why are they in trouble, why are you being so mean to them, i have even stood up to him and said, no they are not in trouble for that. When I do things like that, he says I am disrespecting him and thats why they do it. He says when I question him and disagree with the way he handles it that I am teaching them not to listen to him and thats why they dont do anything he says. He has gone to anger mgt. but its been a while and all they did was put him on adhd meds which i didnt understand! Thanks for your help! I do appreciate your comments and this does help me.... open my eyes a little bit more to the situation.

Sharon - posted on 02/24/2010

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He has no idea what real discipline is.

Yelling is NOT discipline. Threats are not discipline.

He needs to see it as he doesn't have to change, he just has to try something new.

chances are he won't.

Frankly he would benefit from counseling or parenting classes but since he can't even admit he is over the top with his precious children, he isn't going to do those either. BUT sometimes, with some people, if you tell them they need a therapist/classes to help them do right by their kids, they will try to right themselves rather than go that route.

Does that make sense?

My husband has a tendency to yell at the kids when they're being happy. They're laughing, shouting making jokes, being silly.... they're being KIDS. he'll yell at them to be quiet. Thats when I jump on his ass. I won't stand for it. Its being a bully. He doesn't have a headache, he isn't ill, he's just being an ass.

Keep on him, see if you can find others who agree with you who would be willing to tell him so. Hopefully you'll find THE THING that makes the difference to him.

Oh I almost forgot.... one time I brought my son out of his room, crying, stood in front of my husband who was laying on the couch feeling sorry for himself and said "Look what you've done. He's done nothing wrong, but he's the one crying. Take your worthless, unhappy ass else where, come back when you're in a better mood. I don't give a shit if you have to find a transvestite hooker to make yourself happy (I don't know why I said that, maybe something on TV) but don't come back until you're in a better mood. We're all going out for icecream and you're not invited."

The last part was for the benefit of my kids. They were being rewarded for being good kids (normal kids) and they saw it as I was punishing him.

It made an impression on him.

Don't get me wrong. We all snap when we've had a bad day. But usually we apologise to our kids and try to make it right.

I don't think your husband (or mine back then) were doing that.

Good luck hun. Failing all else, kick him in the balls until he throws up.

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your husband sounds stressed out and it must be hard with you working and not him.you know male pride lol.just talk to your husband and work things out it sounds like he is just stressed and maybe a good chat about things will help bring it all to a solution.;)

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Erica - posted on 02/24/2010

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I have talked with him and he just says that they dont respect him or dont do what he says but I dont think he ever gives them a chance. Its like he wants them to act like adults and doesnt understand that they are kids and sometimes they dont know when they are doing something wrong. I have tried to get him to get a job or even to go for a weekend with the guys. But he wont look for a job and if he does have a weekend out, he comes back and is the same way!

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