How can I get our relationship back?

Robyn - posted on 01/04/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )




I don't seem to know what has happened....My husband and I got along great, loved eachother enough to try hard for a baby.

Before my son came along the tension started. After he was born, the love for my husband stopped. Maybe it is emotions, hormaones...but it's starting to bother me. I see him as unattractive, intimacy is gone. It just does not seem the same.

Would this just be me? Or is my hormones still way out of control.

It's been 4 months now, you would think everything would be great.


Dawn - posted on 01/04/2010




part of it is postpartum.. its ur hormones. you have to really sit back and see your husband for man he is and was when you fell in love with him.. let him hold the baby and just sit there and look at him holding the baby and you will see him a whole new light. even try a date night!!!

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Samantha - posted on 02/08/2010




its so normal... feel the same i had my daughter october 21st 09 so shes 4 months in 2 weeks... i agree, i felt that way .. until my fiance started helping more... but he never gets up during the night for her which is so draining... he works 5 days a week thou, its still hard cuz when he gets home he needs him time... its true on the most part women have to take care of the baby... but it does get easier and easier as time goes on .. i feel the same way as i felt for him before the baby now

Robyn - posted on 02/07/2010




Thanks for all the replys! is only one! :) Things are getting better now, he's sleeping 5-8 hours during the night. Which very gives me much needed sleep.

It maybe is a few things...I have moved to a different province, he has friends here...I do not, and that gets the emotions all flaired up.

Being a new mom is difficult, your a mom. You are the one getting up with feedings, you are the one doing baths, you are the one playing..and oh sure is draining.

My husband is fairly young, but once he gets in to "helping" I think things will get better.

Allison... no I'm no longer breastfeeding, I had dried up in the second month due to my son having thrush. I was in so much pain, that I had to pump for a week. My milk stopped.

Heather..... I hear you. That's exactly what is happening. I seem to be not only a mom to my son but to my husband as well.

Thank you all for your replys! I'm sure as months go by and he gets gets easier and easier...I see it now!! :)

Lindsay - posted on 01/04/2010




Talk to your doc, you may be in a depression.

Figure out what you want and act on it.

Are these feelings one sided or mutual?

Heather - posted on 01/04/2010




I totally know how you feel. It's been 3 YEARS since our son was born and I still feel the same way. Kids put stress on your relationship. Everything goes from being about you and your husband to all about the kids. I felt unloved, abandoned even. The flowers for no reason stopped, hell I haven't gotten anything for Christmas in 3 years! I started noticing things about him that drive me crazy. It's like as soon as our son came along he put me in this role of maid, sitter, chef. It drives me insane. I think the stress and loss of affection has contributed to my not finding him attractive anymore!

Allison - posted on 01/04/2010




It's hard to say what your situation really is without knowing you or your husband, but I can tell you that I had a period of time where I had a lot of those feelings. I truly think it was a lot of issues with hormones, not to mention that having a baby is the single most life-altering event you'll ever have! Actually right around that time, when my son was around 4-5 months I sometimes felt like I actually despised my husband. It shocked and scared me because we always had a close relationship and had been together a total of 9 yrs before our son came. When I was 6 months post partum, I was diagnosed with post partum thyroiditis (hypo)... which can strongly affect moods! I got on meds and noticed a change in my issues within about a month.

Question...Are you breastfeeding? BFing can have a strong affect on a woman's libido. I had no drive at all either. I am still nursing, but just make it a priority vs. just letting things happen. Having intimacy back in our relationship has really helped too, to be honest. On both ends.

On a whole though...having a baby is a HUGE adjustment and can be really difficult in a marriage. I think the key is to communicate, make an effort to be attentive to your relationship and even make time to spend as just a couple. Leave the baby with grandma for an hour or two and go have some quality husband-wife time. It's important to keep things alive in a marriage once a baby comes.

If things are still rough...I would talk to him about going to counseling and you should talk to your doc...It does sound like it could be a hormone problem or even PPD.

Best wishes!

[deleted account]

A lot of what you are feeling is definitely hormones. Try to pick up the book "Baby-Proofing Your Marriage". I loved it and it really helped me to understand how and why our relationship had changed so much and also how to make our relationship better!

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