how can i handle my relationship

Amon1721 - posted on 10/21/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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my baby father and I got into a serious fight and its been months since we have fought but the reason we got into it was because i came home and saw this guy into our apartment that i have told him i dont want at our house and he saw that i was mad and he didnt even come with me to the back to tell me why this guy was over. after he left i came outside and told him not to disrespect me like that again and he said the guy came here with his brother and what was he pose to do is tell the guy he cant come in? i said you could have took your brother aside and tell him that i will not be happy if guy was here when i came home so if they can leave and he come back by himself. he didnt understand and it got into a big fight and i told him to go and die, i feel so bad for saying it but he made me so mad....i dont think he heard me but i still feel bad for saying it. i want to say sorry but also i want him to respect what i say about people coming into my home. what should i do

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Rebekah - posted on 10/21/2012

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You can say you are sorry and it doesn't have to take away from you wanting him to respect your wishes. Apologize for losing your temper and make things right between you. When you are both calm, talk about the issue at hand. Does he fully understand why you don't want this guy at the house? Does he agree with your concerns? Was he trying to be a gracious host, tolerating a situation he was put in, or was he unfazed by it? Is he still keeping up a friendship with this guy outside of your home, and is that ok, or is this a toxic person for him to be around at all? Maybe he struggles with being assertive. It sounds like you tried to give him the words to say or another way to handle things, but if your conversation was heating up to an arguement, your boyfriend probably felt on the defense and couldn't absorb what you were trying to say. Again, when you are both calm, try to talk it through--and if he has a hard time coming up with reasonable ways to handle this situation, brainstorm together if he's open to that. And, if this guy hangs around with his brother, then the brother should be let in on the fact that this guy isn't welcome in your home...and he should be told ahead of time so that your boyfriend isn't put in an awkward situation again.



If you are asking for respect, be sure you are also giving him respect. That applies to angry situations too. See if you both can agree to cool off next time a conflict comes up so that the words don't get to a hurtful level. I hope things straighten out for you soon.

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Amon1721 - posted on 10/22/2012

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its like this, this guy is his ex-girlfriend boyfriend and she and i have a bad relationship that she is taking too far by disrespecting my mother. Also this guy is friends with my brother also and when my brother was leaving to college he told me to drop him off in another state but he wanted this guy to go also and i told he no that its not right because his girlfriend and i dnt like each other and my bro was like no this girl is cool please just let him come. so i cave and let him ride with us.(bad idea). so when we was coming back i told him that he needs to warn his girlfriend to stay away from my mom. so one day she and i bum into each other at her friend party and she push me so i follow her outside and told her to stay away from my mom and cutting long story short it turned into a fist fight. she started saying how her boyfriend told her all types of stuff that i have been saying about her and that this girl who claim to be my sister told her that me and her boyfriend are bestfriends. that pissed me off because the only time when i talked to this boy was when i told him to warn his girlfriend. so i decided to just stay away from him, not to even say hi to him. my boyfriend had warn me about me being around when this boy is there because people will go and say more than what is true. so that when i told him that i dont want this boy to come over to our house and he said he cant kick him out if he show up but i can tell him to leave because it is my home. my boyfriend is not even friends with him, he just be forcing himself to be cool with my boyfriend. its his brother and my brother that are cool with this guy and i guess my boyfrien just dont want to be in the drama.

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