How can I make a 5 year old obey me?

Ashleigh Michelle - posted on 07/11/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hi, I am a future stepmom to my boyfriends daughter who is 5 years old. I have issues with her not listening to me, she gets mad at me all the time for trying to be the "authority figure" I guess you could say. To be honest she is a bit spoiled by her grandmother, who gives into her all the time. I'm 27, with no children of my own, and stepping up to this role of being full time mommy is a whole new ballgame for me, especially when she and I bump heads on everything, everyday. I am not mean by no means to this child, but how do I get it across to her that she will have respect for me, and she will not walk all over me like she does her father and grandmother? P.S. her real mother is only in the picture when it is convienent for her to see and spend time with her daughter. Makes it even more difficult at times, when she does see her bc we start the cycle all over again. Any suggestions to helping me with this would be greatly appreciated!!


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/11/2012




She is NOT your daughter, and until you are married, and her father sets rules and boundaries for her, you don't have any right to.

First, you need to step back, and realize that you are speaking of a FIVE YEAR OLD, who's parents are divorced, and most likely have involved her in their split. Her grandparents lavish love, affection, and gifts on her to make sure that the child does not feel unloved, unwanted, and unneeded.

Oh, and ALERT: grandparents spoil grandchildren. Most live to spoil their grandchildren! advice to you is to quit judging the caregivers in this child's life. Discipline, etc, is not your responsibility, nor should you arbitrarily assume it.

I get the feeling that you think that you are going to single handedly "save" this child, and "raise her right"...but, honey, until your boyfriend becomes your husband, and until HE sets the rules/limits for HIS daughter, you're best to step off and not push your position.

Dove - posted on 07/11/2012




You can not control the actions of another human being... no matter how much you want to. You CAN make it so that obedience is the best option, but the choice is still up to them.

How long have you been in this child's life? Have you built a relationship with her based on spending quality time together? Or have you just seen her as spoiled and tried to take control?

If her mother is a sometimes presence and ALL the other adults in her life 'spoil' her as you say.... you are most likely fighting a never ending battle. You and her father need to be in agreement on how to handle her and you both need to stick to the game plan. What does HE say about her behavior?

You want her to respect you. That's a reasonable request. How does she disrespect you and how do YOU respect her?


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