how can i protect them

Lisa - posted on 05/17/2012 ( 21 moms have responded )

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i have three boys with my ex (i dislike him with a passion) he just got out of prison a over a mounth ago or two he has had at leaset three girlfriends in this time and has said he is marrieng them he only see the boys for 3 1/2 hour a week till next mounth we have court idk if they have meet any of them yet but how can i get it to where he has to atleasted wait a wile be for the kids meet them and i meet them i would like a back round check too cause i am worried about the things i have been told i wount go in to deatale cause idk if there true but i just want my kids safe how can i protect them

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Dorothy - posted on 05/18/2012

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I'm not here to judge, but I think you should listen to what you're saying. Could it be that you're having these issues because you dislike the father so much? In order for the father to have a good relationship with the boys, you have to remove yourself from the equation. Unless he's a child molester, murderer, or into illegal drugs and the courts deem him unfit, you shouldn't worry yourself with his background. Keep in mind that this is the man that you not only had one kid with, but three. That says something! Not liking him or his girlfriends have nothing to do with his parenting skills. As an ex you will probably never approve of any woman, lets just be real about it. Do he get to meet and greet every man you entertain? you said it yourself that you're not sure if he's even having the boys around the women. As moms we sometimes get so caught up in hating our exes that we let the kids suffer with a relationship with them. Your kids will grow up and despies you for this later in life. If the boys don't have a problem, why should you? You need to keep the court date or you will be held in contempt. You can't just ignore what they say because you feel like it. His personal business should not be a factor, unless it's hurting or causing harm to your children. Learn to seperate your personal feelings from what the kids need. If he says he's changed, give it a try. If and when he messes up the judge will take away his rights, but you can't do it. Consider yourself lucky that he's even willing to visit the 3 1/2 hours a week, some dads don't want to be bothered at all. Just offering another opinion that's different than the rest.

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Mary - posted on 05/27/2012

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Since you have a court order for visitation you have to send them or you will be in contempt and will get into trouble. I would also request a different law gardian since the one they have is not listening to you. If you feel that she isn't doing her job you can go and file a complaint and request another one. If you have primary custody you have a huge say so in the . I would also have someone else there instead of his mother. That is too close to the father of the boys. Having a family member be there could be considered "a conflict of interest." You need to get someone else with the court or a church not in the family all together.
Also on the girlfriends you do have a right to know about the background on the girlfriend.
Good luck to you and may God bless you all.

Beth - posted on 05/22/2012

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because she has custody doesn't mean it's her choice!! The court decides visitation rights if they go. She can tell the court everything that goes on and they will decide NOT HER.

User - posted on 05/19/2012

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Pamela, idk=I don't know

I come across some idk..lol. And new ones always pop up.

Pamela - posted on 05/19/2012

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I always have to smile when people that post on this site ASSUME that we all know your texting abbreviations. What does idk mean?

Who has custody? If you do then you choose when he sees them, where and who is present. If you do not have custody WHY NOT? I would think that with a prison record you could easily get custody. Once you have custody the choice is yours NOT HIS!!!

Check with your local State Department of human Services, or other family agency and see about getting sole custody so that the choices are yours and he must then abide by what you choose.

If you have not finished high school I would suggest you getting your GED as well.

Julie - posted on 05/19/2012

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My experience with child custody (through others and in various states) is that the courts generally trust both parents to make their own decisions until there's proof they shouldn't. The state you live in may be different but it seems unlikely.. This means that the court will probably not dictate rules for who can be around the kids or that they have to have a background check.

Here's what you can do. Get a lawyer and find out what your local laws will allow you to do. Call your state's child protective services if you suspect any type of abuse.

Also, I'd always dress very nicely/appropriately and act very respectful in court. Judges have to enforce the law but they have a lot of wiggle room. Anything I could do to show that I respect the court and know how to follow the rules (both written and unwritten) I would do. I feel certain this has influenced cases I've known about.

Lisa - posted on 05/19/2012

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i trust my ex mother -inlaw but i dont trust him around her cause he pushes her around and dont lisene to her at all i tryed getting a cout appointed superviser or some one nutrule because of it but because the boys are comfrtble with there grandparents there law gardien said that would be best

Lisa - posted on 05/19/2012

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crap!!!! idk any thing about the new gf all i want to do is make sure my boys are safe and he wount tell me any thing he said some thing to the boys about meeting her my issue is yes it can effect the boys motinol because there has already been three and i am sure this one wount stay around and when i was dateing yes he did meet the one bf i had around the boys and the boys did not meet my bf till at least 4 month of us dateing and know we r married

Phyllis - posted on 05/19/2012

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IF COURT ORDERED YOU MUST LET THEM GO ..I GOT IN TROUBLE FOR NOT GOING BY THE RULES ...BUT GO BACK INTO COURT AND GET IT CHANGED...IT DOES NOT MATTER ABOUT THE GIRLFRIENDS ...THE COURT DOES NOT CARE AS LONG AS THEY ARE CLEAN AND SOBER AND NO ABUSE ...SUCKS BUT THAT IS THE WAY IT IS ...GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!

Jenna - posted on 05/18/2012

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If it's court ordered and you don't send them then yes, you are in contempt of a court order. The best thing to do is keep records of when you drop them off and pick them up. Document anything you think is suspicious. Talk to him, like two adults about him and you not having the kids around a boyfriend or girlfriend till you have been dating for at least 6 months. Do everything you can honestly on your end. I am sure this is like a nightmare for you, but document, take pictures anything you can use as proof. Good luck.

Brittany - posted on 05/18/2012

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Honestly I don't know - but if I didn't feel my son was safe, I wouldn't care. I'd just go to the court date knowing I would have to defend my decision - also you could go to the courts and request an emergency hearing - this would have you in court within the next week or two.

If this is all over him having a girlfriend(s) you probably will have the court come down on you.

If instead this is over the well being of your children, poor choices of your ex to allow multiple women around them, a genuine concern for the emotional situation of your children, along with the belief they are not being supervised properly by your mother in law - then I would say you have a foot to stand on.

Now, if he hasn't had multiple women around your children, as you stated you don't know - and you do trust the mother in law's judgement (you would have agreed to this when put it was put in place) then you would absolutly be in the wrong by keeping the children from the visit.

I don't believe you'll be able to put a clause to meet all of his girlfriends, or a timeline on when he can introduce to your children - but you can request while he is on supervised access that it is only him who is with the kids (because of the above stated reasons).

Good luck to you

Brittany - posted on 05/18/2012

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My sons father was recently release as well - in feb. he's on supervised access (old order from before he went to jail) If I didn't feel comfortable I would not send him, there our kids day to day, and we are the number 1 people responsible for their safety. As long as you feel you have a good enough reason keep them home until the court tell you otherwise. Of course you've changed, you have to in order to protect yourself and your children from his dysfunctional life.

Lisa - posted on 05/17/2012

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well we been in court off and on the boys have a law gardian and she is a twit no one seems to lisen to me they r all going by him saying i am changed i a diffrent but i on the other had dont see it he just plan nuts

Mychelle - posted on 05/17/2012

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Omg get supervised access U would never forgive yourself if anything happened get a solicitor,legal aid n if need b a childrens solicitor all through leagal aid Rhonda sheehey in qld is the best kids solicitor. In Brisbane good luck n stick to ur guns its worth it no matter how long it takes, been there done that :D

Brittany - posted on 05/17/2012

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If you think the court will agree, I wouldn't send my children there until the court date. You may get some grief for not allowing the visitation - but if you can prove it was in their best interest your decision will be validated.

Brittany - posted on 05/17/2012

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Bring him back to court, and object to his mother supervising - if you don't trust her judgement that is. Inform the court of the multiple women he's had around the children and explain your concern. You could request the courts enforce supervised access through a CPS worker -

Louise - posted on 05/17/2012

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Ask for supervised visits where your children are taken to a contact center where dad can visit but under supervision. This will not be difficult to achieve as he has a criminal record and he is recently out of jail. Speak to a lawyer and see what they can do.

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