How can i punish my kid( need help)

Noha - posted on 01/30/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My son is 11 years old and i was controlling his behaviour by timeout but now it doesnt work; what worked with him was using the slipper on him but some people say its wrong but i wasnt convinced but i found myself using the belt also ,so is it accepted or not to use slipper and belt on my kid

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Dove - posted on 02/15/2016

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Troll is an internet term used to describe a person that posts to cause trouble... which advocating for spanking in situations where spanking is 100% illogical... fits.

It's not 'name calling' and is not childish. It's much more childish to advocate hitting a preteen....

Jodi - posted on 02/11/2016

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Methinks Becky Lynn must be a troll because only a troll would list "spanking my children" as an interest, and post a picture of themselves with a wooden spoon as their profile picture. Honestly, "Becky Lynn", get a life.

Jodi - posted on 01/30/2016

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Actually, the reason time outs don't work any more are because he is older, not because it has been used over and over. Let's just say, he doesn't care if he sits in a corner for 10 minutes, or whatever it is you do, because it actually DOESN'T mean anything to him at his age. The way you discipline a child needs to change as they get older, because their "currency" is different. The things that they want are different and the things they don't want are different. Your child is now heading into puberty and different things are important to him.

What you are suggesting would be considered child abuse where I live, and you would be in trouble with the law. Besides the fact that it won't work long term. There are more ways to discipline a child (I don't like the word "control") than time out or spanking.

What you need to consider are the things that are important to you child. And it also depends what he is doing. COnsider framing it in a more positive way. If he is displaying the behaviour you want to see, he can have a friend over or TV time, or whatever it may be. But don't use it as a "if you do this, you get to have a friend over" because that won't work long term or with consistency. It may be more a "you've been showing some really mature choices lately, so I think you can have a friend over for a sleepover).

You could also remove privileges (TV time, the phone, etc). Sometimes, allowing natural consequences to happen will work (obviously depending on what it is).

Make sure you aren't just punishing, but combine both positive and negative consequences. And remember to try and make the consequences as logical as you can. For example, if you are having arguments over homework, you put in place that there will be no tv, no phone, no games until AFTER homework is completed.

It's hard to give suggestions if we don't know what behaviours you are dealing with.

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Jodi - posted on 02/15/2016

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I'm sorry, but saying your interests are spanking your kid and having a profile picture holding a wooden spoon is what? Adult?

Michelle - posted on 01/30/2016

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As your child gets older you need to change the consequences of bad behaviour.
Time outs are for younger children, as they get older you need to find their "currency". What do they love more then anything? Is it their technology or TV? Is it going out with friends?
Spanking isn't the solution. At his age you can actually talk to him about his actions and consequences as well. It's your job to explain these to him rationally and teach him to think ahead.
You need to actually parent instead of using corporal punishment.

A - posted on 01/30/2016

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I have rarely spanked myself and I am pretty much against it. However, I do not find it abusive in some circumstances. my mother spanked and the rule was that it only happened when you hurt yourself hurt somebody else or damaged property or were about to do one of the above. in that case, it was once for each year of your age, on a fleshy area like the bottom, and she used an open palm a yardstick or ruler or a book. I disagree with using anything but an open palm. one thing I do agree with my mother on is that they are not to be given in anger and they are done after the child and especially parent has a chance to calm down. for example, if anyone grabbed your arm and pulled you away harshly because they did not like the person you were talking to, you would find that rude. if however, you are about to get hit by a bus, you would be grateful to that person. personally, I think spanking is hypocritical.

you see that time outs do not work and you are seeking another way. any punishment that is done over and over loses its meaning. that includes yelling. Spankking is not something that is supposed to hurt. it is supposed to shock some sense into the child. timeout are supposed to get them to calm down or think about why what they did was wrong. Or, they are meant to call the parent down so they don't have to spank. what do you do for time out? Where is he being put in timeout? some people feel, that your bedroom is a place to sleep and to get some space. this is why I don't allow my children to have anything in their rooms except for their beds and clothing. if they want to spend time alone reading, that is fine but my 17 and 14 year old would love to be sent their room they would spend all day there if I let them! therefore, I do not believe that their bedroom is an appropriate time out. I have a specific chair where the younger kids sat for timeout which meant that I had to stop everything I was doing and if I did not have another adult with me to look after the other children, they had to come with me to and stare at whoever was in time out. essentially, everyone recieved the punishment. that meant that if one child friend had to go home so did my other children's friends. that was in the peer pressure to keep my children in line because nobody wants to be the kid who ruined it for everyone.

how long do you put your child in time out? does he understand why he is in time out? does he get up and leave or just mess around the whole time only to go back to what he was doing? are you watching him while he is in time out? Or are you just sending them to his room assuming he's thinking about what he's doing? what is the punishment for? I think that would help give us an idea of what punishment is appropriate. I timed my kids out one minute for each year of their age. the time I paused every time they goofed around or actEd up.
so a 10 minute timeout could take 3 hours. my younger kids did not have that patience and I ended up chasing after them with for misbehaving kids well the oldest smirked and did whatever he wanted. obviously, time outs did not work for him.

for him, I had to put him to work at all time or to have them volunteer with an older male who was not afraid to ride his butt. my second oldest was the same way, only instead of being the type to purposely hang out with people I did not approve of or read things I did not want him exposed to, my second youngest was the clown the goofball. he just needed a lot of attention so one way to solve this was to let him have his 10 minute comedy sketch at the end of each night provided he acted appropriately. for him, incentives worked. my oldest needed to stay busy.

my third child only needed a harsh look or a simple I'm disappointed and she would burst into tears and be good as gold for weeks. she is very quiet, very observant and does extra chores without being told and always put others ahead of herself. she cries easily because she tries so hard to make people happy and she hates being told to go away so to get her to behave is to tell her you are disappointed or show some form of disapproval. She is very easy lol

my youngest is the only one time out work for anything today when I put her in time out on the couch. the only trouble I have is when she tries to do things that are not age appropriate because she is following her older siblings around she is a bit of a tattletale though and even being ostracized at school hasnt really told her anything. she is the child I don't know what to do with!

please give an example of what your child does to deserve punishment and maybe we can give better ideas :-)

Dove - posted on 01/30/2016

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It's not acceptable to hit an 11 year old at all... with anything... ever. I'm not completely anti-spanking, but never, ever with an object and certainly not still by the preteens.

What you DO depends on what his behavior is and what privileges he has that you can take away. The goal is not to control his behavior, but to teach him to control his OWN behavior... because he's going to have to be doing that on his own in a short amount of time.

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