How can I stay Proactive through my depression?

Seanna - posted on 01/30/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Recently my sons father and I split up, it didn't end so well. We were together 5 years on and off. We both were still hopeful we could rekindle and make everything better between us and for our son. He worked up in North Dakota and met a girl. He called it off between us. I was alone, a single mommy dealing with the grieving I had to go through. Now I have to grieve again. He came back home and still had feelings, so he called it off with his gf and we got back together. Our son was the happiest I'd seen him. 3 month had gone by, we fought some days, but ended up forgiving each other and staying strong for each other. Until he continued to go visit his buddies every night at there house. I had to beg him to stay home, and it was excuse after excuse. He had promised me he would stay home Thursday and Friday, but ended up going over Friday night. I was beyond livid. I felt like his friends were his priority and not to be home spending time with his son and I. I just felt depressed and hopeless. It wasn't fair. So the next morning he still hadn't showed up, I drove by his buddies house around 9am, his truck was parked in the driveway. So I went back home and was so upset because I couldn't believe he stayed the night and didn't at least come home early in the morning. I went back home and made a roast for the crockpot. Until I noticed 11am came by and still no sign of my boyfriend. So I drove by again, and this time I didn't keep my cool. I had exploded and lost self control. I began yelling, pleading, and screaming at my boyfriend in front of his friends. He tried forcing me into my car to leave. Eventually I did. I was so in the moment I went home and packed up all of his belongings and called child support to reactivate my account. He showed up and wouldn't give me the house key, asked if we were done. I said yes. I just wasn't happy with the way things were going. Now I am grieving all over again, I feel dissapointed in myself. I think to myself maybe just maybe if he would of came home it would of been different. Maybe if I would of stayed home and just waited for him to show up when he was ready it would of been handled a lot better. Everything happens for a reason I guess, now I am back to being a single mom, will be paying rent on my own again. I just wanted a happy family, I wanted to be married and grow old with my now ex boyfriend. But it's just not in the books for us. I don't know how to cope. I need to figure out how I can become proactive again and keep my mind off of negative things. I feel so messed up right now.

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Seanna - posted on 01/30/2015

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Thank you Leigh.

I cryed reading your comment. Life is beautiful, but can be so hard at the same time.
I plan on jogging out this weekend, and having a girls day Sunday. I will always love him, we are just on different paths. I want a family and bondage together everyday, to cherrish it and build more memories. He wants to smoke weed all the time and play video games at his buddies house every night. I just can't compete with that, it was so stressful for me, and I wasn't happy. I am hopeful maybe one day in the future we could get back together when his priorities are straighter and good. But you are right. I need to focus on my son, and myself. I want to be happy, it's just going to tough right now. I'll get through this. I am hopeful, I'll always love him, always. We just aren't right for each other in this moment. I am happy to hear you got back together with your sons father, that is always a good thing I believe. Happy for you, thank you again!

Leigh - posted on 01/30/2015

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Hello Seanna,
Im so sorry to hear all you are going though. I can kinda relate. I have a 7 year old son and his father and i spilt when he was 3. His father was even trying to take full custody. It was a mess, but I got though it and you will too. I had gotten though it by support of family and friends. It wasnt easy and I was a mess. I went to counseling and things were much better. In the end we are back together and o just had another son 7 weeks now. Things are much better now but it isn't perfect nor will it ever. I've just learn to pick my battles. My whole pregnancy he would hang out with his friends. I don't even have one picture with him while I was pregnant. Relationships takes a lot of work even when your married. Anyway my point is find support with your friends and family and even counseling for your son and you. It really did hurt my son at a young age. Also you need to make time for yourself. Go to the gym or treat yourself to a mandi pettie or whatever it is that makes you happy to do. If your boyfriend sees you moving on with your life and ignoring him, he might realize what he lost. Then he might shape up. Since our son has been born he has changed I wish you best of luck and just remember in the end things always works out for the best.

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