how can i stop my oldest from hurting my youngest baby?!

Nicole - posted on 08/23/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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OK. so i need help please. im a young mother of two boys. their just over a year apart ( my youngest is only one one my oldest is 3 in December! ) but my oldest is soo mean to my youngest.. i caught him stomping on his head today then when he stood up to walk away he pushed him and he hit his head. he pushes him all the time hits him bites him throws toys at him closes our screen door on his legs. anything possible he can do he does!! .. i dont know how to make this stop i have tryed putting him in time out for a minute or two then telling him that is not okay and i make him say sorry but he doesnt take me seriously. ? i dont know what else i can do? ! does anyone have ANY ideas on what to do about this..?? i dont like to yell and i will not spank my kids is there another way to get through to my oldest so he will understand its not nice? i feel so bad for my little tyson. he just wants to play with his big brother.

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Dove - posted on 08/23/2012

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Many boys in general actually ARE 'violent' (aggressive) by nature. It is a 'normal' (though certainly unacceptable) way for them to act. Trust me... I didn't believe it until I had my own son and saw it with my own eyes. ;)



It definitely sounds like it could be jealousy. I would do everything in my power to make sure your kids are never alone together. Maybe play WITH them a bit to show your older one how to interact with his brother in a non violent way. If Mason starts beating on Tyson... make him go in another room immediately and keep sending him there every time he starts being too aggressive.



Give Tyson a little bit more time to grow and then the fun REALLY starts. I have 3 nephews all about 2 years apart and the wrestling, etc... is practically nonstop.

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Gale - posted on 08/23/2012

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I do notice it more when he tired or grumpy or just plainly having a bad day or when the youngest is whine way too much as in nothing make them happy the he will just make them cry, (something like why whine when you can cry) so some day I'm referee more then other and sometime it the time of day.

Gale - posted on 08/23/2012

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Just play referee, I run a day-care and my son with push or crawl over the younger ones to make them cry I am on top of it and tell him no and quickly pick the younger one up to show him that I will not give him attention for being bad but also to comfort the one that hurt, now that his buddy who a girl that he pick on just to make her cry are the best friend, and they hardly fight, still fight but hardly, I have younger kids now just starting and he will pick on them the only thing is to be right there and stop it in the act while typing this my son did it again the youngster didn't cry he just push her down I was there to stop it from getting worst, sometime all I have to do is look at him and he won't do anything but you can tell he's thinking about it ,

Good news your not a bad mom and your oldest isn't a bad kid, you could pick up some books on how to help him adjust to his younger sibling but the one I found is just don't leave them alone together, but all other behavior is normal.

Gale - posted on 08/23/2012

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Its normal what your oldest is doing, that why what I have read is never leave your toddler alone with a baby, he just exploring on ways to get the youngest to react, and I do mean to see if he will cry, it like if they have a favorite song or show they want or toy that pops up they do it over and over and over again, same thing for toddler with babies oh he cries when I do that I'll do it again, the only way to stop is to keep reinforcing it till the little guy is old enough to do it his own, then it call siblings spats.

Nicole - posted on 08/23/2012

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thank you Dove i felt so alone in all this . everyone was telling me im being a failure as a mother ETC and i was starting to believe it.. for the past week i have been playing with them both trying to find new activities to do with both of them. mason doesnt share but i am seeing a little bit of an improvement. what breaks me to peices is i know he loooves his little brother he gives him hugs and kisses before bed makes sure he says he loves him and helps me read to him and tuck him in. i dont think he understands he is hurting him. its gotten to the point where he is starting to hit,kick and throw things at me also. i guess i am one of those moms you call a "" sucker "" ..

lol and i know what you mean about older age lol. . im not sure im ready for thaat yet haha.

Tawni - posted on 08/23/2012

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That would be a good idea.

My aunt had to ban Tom and Jerry from her house until the youngest was 5, since she started getting violent with her sister from the actual show.

Nicole - posted on 08/23/2012

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yea i think it is due to jealously because before i had tyson mason (my oldest) was VERY spoiled i never put him down. due to the living situation around him the only violence he might have seen is UFC and him and his daddy play fighting. . but im at the point now where i have been putting alot of attention into both of them playing,swinging,dancing ETC while daddy is watching his shows. honestly its so weird how it is all happening i think i might need to stop the play fighting and UFC until he is a bit older?..

Tawni - posted on 08/23/2012

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I see what you're saying. It's a difficult situation.

I can't think of anything other than spanking him whenever he hurts his brother.

Maybe try to find out why he's hurting him. That's the other way I would go about looking at it.

Children aren't violent by nature. Something has to cause them to act this way, whether it is a mental disorder or just an unpleasant living condition.

I know if you're paying attention to the younger child more, especially when the older is still so young, they can get jealous and violent. Think about your interactions with both children. Could you be paying more attention to Tyson? I understand he's still very young and needs the attention, but if this is the case, try to show your older child a little more love.

If this isn't the case, I'm honestly stumped.

Nicole - posted on 08/23/2012

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well thats just the thing i dont believe thats the right thing to do i feel im trying to stop him from hitting but im hitting him so im in the wrong to. you know what i mean? im having a hard time with this.

Tawni - posted on 08/23/2012

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I'm sorry, but I think you might need to spank him. Do you think that if he has never been spanked before, he doesn't understand the concept of inflicting pain on others and what it does to the victim? He has to have gotten hurt before, but if you've never spanked him, he could not be making the connection between pain and the bad behavior.

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