How can I stop the abuse

Nicole - posted on 10/03/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My children are now five and six. When my six year old son was only five he came back from a visitation with his dad saying he was forced to sleep in a bed with a strange man and that the sheet began to rise. His sister confirmed the story. I reported it to CPS they said it was okay. Later my daughter came back from visits with constant painful urination. I was told to change her soap. 3 separate times always coming back from her dads. On a subsequent visit in 2013 my daughter came home literally covered in bruises. I took her yo the hospital she yoldbthe doctors her dad dI'd it. I have 3 separate doctor reports saying nonaccidental trauma. CPS said the report was unsubstantiayes because my exhushusband had his girlfriend who is a doctor write a letter. Now my children have been hurt again. My don has been caught at school peeping into bathrooms. His school and therapist have made CPS reports yet CPS still says it is not conclusive. I need help please I just want my children to have a happy life.

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Dove - posted on 10/04/2014

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Have you filed police reports as well? Or just called CPS? I'd be making police reports and pursuing prosecution against the father at this point. With the doctor reports, school reports, therapist reports, AND the word of the children... I'd be getting a lawyer to call them daily at this point.

Nicole - posted on 10/04/2014

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Thank you I appreciate your very thoughtful advice. I do have the kids in therapy and I know it does help them. I have been up and down the CPS chain of command. I had to actually go in with my lawyer to get CPS to actually talk to the children's therapist. I called a person who deals with CPS cases that may have been mishandled.I have never heard back from her.

Ariana - posted on 10/04/2014

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I would get everything you just stated here written out and documented. Any reports documentations, dates, CPS reports. If you haven't already also start writing the dates and incident every time something happens and continue to report it. Take pictures of any bruises they may get.

I would keep or get both your children into therapy (and maybe family therapy so you can find out how to keep assisting them).

It's probably a long shot but you might even ask the father to go into therapy or a therapy session. By the sounds of it it's unlikely to happen but if there was a way to.

In terms of talking to 'CPS' they are all people, so if one person is unwilling to hear you out get the number of a supervisor or someone else who is. At the very least with this many allegations, and support from the school and therapist, there should be a proper investigation and hopefully supervised visitation until they can at least look into things properly.

Once again document everything from before and in detail starting now, get all the paper work organized and request a letter from the school and your child's therapist. If one person at CPS is unwilling to listen request their supervisor or another person (not aggressively obviously).

I wish I could be more helpful but continuing to support your children. The problem with CPS is they're constantly 'putting out fires'. So you have to be a fire that keeps popping up that they need to deal with or else they'll push it off. Unfortunately a lot of places will either jump to quickly at people, or not quickly enough depending on the people in charge.

Another angle is that you can tell your children if they are in danger at their dads home they can call you, or easier '911' for help. Be very clear about boundaries, NO ONE is allowed to touch their penis or vagina, or any other area of themselves they don't want. No one can make them touch them either, and if they do it isn't their fault. If possible they should try to escape (although try to be clear that if they can't or don't that isn't their fault to since they're both children) and call the police or tell you right away. Put them in martial arts classes, not that once again they should be responsible or fighting but because it's good for self-esteem and confidence and will hopefully give them some self-defense skills. Being able to try and push someone away and shout 'no'.

It's really horrible to think that eventually instead of we're adults that will help you it becomes we need to teach the children to try and defend themselves in situations they really shouldn't be being put in in the first place. I hope some of this can help even a little. I especially encourage going in and requesting a new person to look into things and continue to persistently (although respectfully) get help and resources needed for your children. With written evidence and letters for support there is NO reason that their father should not at least be on supervised visitation for their safety.

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