How can I stop the mornging fights?

Rose - posted on 04/25/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )




I would like some friendly advice to help with the endless argueing every morning. My 16 yr old son (ADHD) does not eat breakfast unless I ask....but then I'm nagging....he also doesn't make his lunch unless I make it.

This is what happened this morning, which is actually quite tame to most mornings, but still has effected me enough to search for assistance as I feel that I've lost his respect.

This morning, after he said he doesn't need me to narrate his morning, (which is fair enough), but then sends me a text when he is out of the house which said "get up after I leave tomorrow".

I'm very hurt by comments like this and feel that I am being bullied into agreeing to things that I really don't think is right.

I feel that everyday is a power struggle and I am loosing!



Lynnette - posted on 04/25/2012




Don't know if you've ever heard of Dr. Leman, but he often has great advice. There is a great DVD called "New Kid by Friday" that addresses situations like this. He is old enough to take responsibility for himself, but it's easy to think, as a mom, that we have to do everything for the kids. That makes them unappreciative and then they start expecting you to do whatever they want. The DVD helped me come up with a new way to do certain things, and I see an awesome change in my kids behavior. Just a thought!

Medic - posted on 04/25/2012




Why are you letting your CHILD push you around? If he wants to be independent then let him and let him suffer when he has not eaten and has no lunch. Do not rush it up to the school. If he wants to use his phone to be disrespectful then take it away. Your giving him the power to win, take that away and hold your ground as a parent.

Krista - posted on 04/25/2012




He's 16, and so is old enough to live with the consequences of his decisions. I would stop reminding him to eat breakfast. He's old enough to remember that on his own. Same with lunch -- he's old enough to remember to make his own lunch.

If he goes hungry for a day or two, then maybe he'll start remembering to eat.


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Jennifer - posted on 04/26/2012




You may want to sit down with him and discuss what his schedule needs to include in the morning. Posting it so he can reference it may supply the support he needs without the "nagging". He may also benefit from a timer approach. He can set it himself for 15 minutes per task. My SIL even made a chart for her husband who has ADHD. It's a good, non-confrontational resource. You can't argue with a checklist or timer.
Just a note - leaving him to "fend for himself" may not work. It didn't for us. My step-son got up late, skipped breakfast, and arrived to school late so many times they warned him if he was late much more he would fail the semester. (We were unaware since we were trying to let him do it on his own.) Our kid needed a little more support until he could do it on his own. He is in college now and doing well. There IS hope! Hang in there!

Rose - posted on 04/25/2012




Thank you ladies I'm feeling the power!!! I just had a chat with his dad and.... as of today he is to fend for himself, he even has to make dinner for everyone once a weekl, so does his brother. I still pay for his phone and I'm giving him 6 months to get a job or it's gone too...THANKS FOR THE STRENGTH xx

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