How did the witch not go bald? Soccer edition

Liz - posted on 03/26/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am brand spanking new at all this mom stuff. Not because I am the proud parent of a brand new baby, but because I have entered the scary world of step-motherhood. I went from being single and my baby being a spoiled mutt, to being practically married and having a five year old part time, and an... ex wife. I am in no way complaining. I love my life. I love my boyfriend, I love his son, and there are times I love his ex wife, but this is tough.
I am significantly younger than the ex wife and my boyfriend, 7 years to be exact, and shorter for that matter and when I have to go to a parent function, I feel like all of the moms are staring at me like I was a home wrecking whore or something. I actually did not even know either of them until almost a year after their divorce, and it was not my boyfriend that strayed His son is in soccer, and you better believe, just like mommy and daddy, I'm right there to watch. BUT, it kills me to get the sideways glances from the other mothers there. How in the world do I deal with this? I especially want to know from biomoms... What am I doing wrong?
Many of the women will talk to the ex wife, but until yesterday, I was treated like a leper. Finally a single mother, who shows up in work clothes and all (not putting her down, giving major kudos) started talking to me about dogs. In 3 weeks of practices, pictures, and games, she is the first one to speak to me and make eye contact and quickly look away.

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Raye - posted on 03/26/2015

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Liz, don't hold back on forming a relationship with your BF's son. The child deserves as much love and compassion as he can get. He didn't ask to be in the situation of getting passed back and forth between his parents. He is a part of your BF, and so to fully love your BF you should love and want to spend time with his kid. It may be a bumpy road... some steps have bumpier roads than others... but I can tell you it's worth it.

I could never say that I "love" my ex-wife-in-law. She makes things very difficult for the kids and for us. So if you have one that you not just tolerate but can actually get along with, then you're miles ahead of some of us. Just focus on your new family and don't worry about those old bitty's on the soccer field.

Raye - posted on 03/26/2015

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Liz, I am a step-mom with no kids of my own (except my 13 y/o Husky). I can't say I've had nearly the same experiences as you, but a few of the "ballet moms" have made comments that I'm not sure how to take (backhanded compliments and the like). If you know you did nothing wrong, don't let it bother you. It's their hang-ups, not yours. Do not feel bad for being there for your BF or his son. That's a good thing.

One-thing I want to say, though, is some people take offense at you calling yourself a step-parent before you're actually married. I know it is simpler to use those terms than going into a big long explanation of your relationship. But I'm just saying, technically he's not your step-son until you're married. I don't know how long you have been dating, but try not to seem too over-eager about taking on the role of mommy. That could put off some people and make them think you disrespect the real mom.

It is a tough situation to be in, entering the world of step-motherhood. In many ways you're going to be damned if you do, damned if you don't. So just keep your chin up, do your best, and let everything else roll off you like water off a duck's back.

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Liz - posted on 03/26/2015

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Thank you for your response and I don't usually refer to myself as stepmom. This is actually the first time I even alluded to it.
I have entered the role but not actually got the title. I live with my boyfriend, and help in the same ways that I see stepmothers doing, but actually saying "Hi, I'm his stepmom" has never happened and won't until I get a new last name. I was very hesitant on even really participating in my boyfriend's son's life as much as I have, due to the road of eggshells someone in my position must hike, but this is what he wants and I'm not going to lie, I love most parts of it.

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