Liz - posted on 11/13/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )
My head tells me he is abusive, he is no good, this will affect my child, I can do better. My heart on the other hand says "I love him", maybe if I didn't do this or that he wouldn't act like that. Even after seeing he is on every checklist online of being an abusive man, I still don't want to leave him. Now I'm an intelligent women and for some reason I keep coming up with excuses for his abusive, obsessive behavior. Me and him share a child who is one years old. She is my only child. Yesterday for the first time he hit me in my face right in front of her. He screamed at me for hours and hours. My child sat there hysterical crying and shaking. Never in my life did I picture myself being in this situation. I feel like a horrible mother. How could I allow this? How could I do this to my child? And now the very next day, I'm sitting here pretended nothing happened. Telling myself " it won't happen again". Every time I think of him I think of the good times, not hey he just blackened my face, or broke my arm. Has anyone been in this type of situation, have actually overcome these feelings and left their abusive partner? All my family lives across the country. If I were to leave I would have to move to my mother's house across the country and start from scratch. Before my child was born I had tried to leave him 4 times and have gone back every time. I at a point where I feel horrible and selfish, and just plain out stupid. Could you guys please share your experiences with me. Perhaps give me some insight and courage that things will be better if I left.