How did you moms get the courage to leave your abusive babies father? Did you regret it?

Liz - posted on 11/13/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My head tells me he is abusive, he is no good, this will affect my child, I can do better. My heart on the other hand says "I love him", maybe if I didn't do this or that he wouldn't act like that. Even after seeing he is on every checklist online of being an abusive man, I still don't want to leave him. Now I'm an intelligent women and for some reason I keep coming up with excuses for his abusive, obsessive behavior. Me and him share a child who is one years old. She is my only child. Yesterday for the first time he hit me in my face right in front of her. He screamed at me for hours and hours. My child sat there hysterical crying and shaking. Never in my life did I picture myself being in this situation. I feel like a horrible mother. How could I allow this? How could I do this to my child? And now the very next day, I'm sitting here pretended nothing happened. Telling myself " it won't happen again". Every time I think of him I think of the good times, not hey he just blackened my face, or broke my arm. Has anyone been in this type of situation, have actually overcome these feelings and left their abusive partner? All my family lives across the country. If I were to leave I would have to move to my mother's house across the country and start from scratch. Before my child was born I had tried to leave him 4 times and have gone back every time. I at a point where I feel horrible and selfish, and just plain out stupid. Could you guys please share your experiences with me. Perhaps give me some insight and courage that things will be better if I left.

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Shannon - posted on 11/13/2013

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TAKE YOU DAUGHTER AND LEAVE.

The excuses you keep making...he's putting them in your head. DON'T GO BACK. Things won't change. Things won't get better. The only definite is that if you stay is that YOU or YOUR daughter will end up hurt again or dead.

Move across country, if that is what you have to do. Take your daughter and yourself to your Mama's or other safe place. Get yourself and your daughter into counseling. Get a restraining order.

Ever hear the song, "Staying is Worse than Leaving..." Well, you're in the middle of where staying is worse... YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER. GET OUT. START OVER.

My prayers go out you.

Janine - posted on 11/13/2013

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Hi Liz, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, it sounds horrendous and although I haven't actually been through this myself I have witnessed a close friend and a relative who have been at the hands of abuse. A close friend of mine eventually managed to leave her abusive partner but by the time she left she had a few children, her younger 2 wasn't too affected but the eldest had witnessed a lot which has caused big outbursts and problems has she has got older as she doesn't know how to trust men. My relative got hit by his father as a young child into his teens and eventually his mum finally had the confidence to leave although at the time damage had started to settle in which in resulted into years of counselling, luckily he had time to look back at what happened to him and promise himself he would never treat a woman or his own children that way, he is now married with a beautiful child and is the softest person I know so luckily his mum and others could help repair the damage that was nearly done. It takes great courage and determination to walk away but you and your child are the victims as children pick up a lot of what goes on around them, you are strong enough to walk away and you will eventually find it in you to do so, hopefully sooner rather than later. I really feel for you x

Monica - posted on 11/13/2013

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Please please please leave. Not only for your sake but for your child. After reading your post it was like I took a walk down memory lane. My daughter is 5 years old today and I left her father because he was abusive to me physically, emotionally and mentally. I stayed for 4 years and left a few time but always went back. I also at the time had looked online and saw all the red flags just like you, I made excuses for his behavior just like you.

My daughter saw him hit me and push me around and to the day she remembers. Things like that will stick with children and it's a very unsafe environment. I finally had enough and after he went to jail for almost a year my family built me back up into the strong girl I was before I met him and I realized I deserved better, my child deserved better.

If he loves you he will respect you and not put his hands on you. You have your whole life ahead of you. You do not want your child to grow up thinking that is what men do to women! If he will do councling then maybe you guys could work it out, if not leave!!

It was the smartest decision I made an now I am happily married to a man who would never hurt me.

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