How do couples manage intercourse after first unplanned child?

Lana - posted on 12/11/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Heres the deal I am on the mini pill. This pill requires that I take it EVERYDAY at the same time to be effective. Missing pills makes this BC COMPLETELY ineffective. I have missed SEVERAL pills over the last 2 weeks. My husband wants sex almost daily and he doesn't like condoms. He says he can't feel anything, and condoms aren't for married couples. We have tried SEVERAl kinds including the female condom and he doesn't like ANY of them. I tried asking him not to cum in me and he gets mad. He keeps calling it selfish because he doesn't get to finish. He complains that sex was meant to be without restraints and what is the point of being on birth control if I'm not going to trust it. At this point I have COMPLETELY shut down and we haven't had sex in 3 days. We live at my mothers house with our 1 year old unplanned daughter with 3 years of college left before we can afford to move out. Some one PLEASE explain to me how I am selfish for not wanting him to cum inside me? We have NO money, ONE unplanned child (he has 2) and not to mention WE LIVE AT MY MOMS!! This is ridiculous. Someone tell me something!!


This is NOT a debate. If I catch you all arguing or belittling me I WILL CLOSE THE POST!

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/11/2013

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I've got a strange body. Any BC that I took lasted in my system for literally YEARS. I used foam in hs, but stopped when I was a senior because I wanted a kid. My metabolism did not rid my body of the contraceptive for 6 years, and I was unable to conceive until I was 24. After my first was born, I was on the pill for 2 months (until my granddad asked me to have another grandson for him). After stopping that time, it took 3 years for the contraceptive to get out of my system so I could conceive again.

So, I'm atypical. Completely atypical. As a matter of fact, over a dozen physicians still cannot figure out why my body held on to contraceptives for so long! But, I now have a tubal, so...

Anyway, like I said, I can't blame him for not liking the feel of a condom. But, you do have a plethora of other options that don't interfere with the experience whilst still protecting against pregnancy. Yes, he's being selfish, and an ass about the situation. You are being smart. Continue with that by just upping the protection on your side of the coin.

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Lana - posted on 12/16/2013

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I had severe Ppd and the meds screwed me up after 3 months. Missing large quantities of hair, I gained 30 lbs in 3 months, dizziness, hallucinations, altered taste, insomnia,.. Ugh! Now I dont trust them.

Lana - posted on 12/16/2013

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I forgot to mention my now 13 month. Old is breastfed. She is on two feedings a day and refuses to miss either. Its almost like she knows. The mini pill wont hurt my milk that's why im on it. Oh and thanks all!

Michelle - posted on 12/14/2013

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I would be telling him he uses a condom or he doesn't get sex.
Condoms can be fun as well. It can be fun foreplay putting it on.
My husband and I used condoms after my 3rd child because I wasn't on any other BC
He need to stop being so selfish and grow up. You haven't married a toddler but if he wants to act like one then he will get treated like one and won't get what he wants.

Mrs. - posted on 12/13/2013

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Get Depo or IUD.

I also think it might be a good idea to talk to someone on the regular, like a therapist or any other professional counsellor. You sound overwhelmed and stressed out. If your husband isn't much of a listener, or even if he is, you might need to make sure you don't end up having to deal with PPD or anything. Nip it in the bud while you can. It can't hurt and it might help with the stress.

Good luck and get yourself protected soon.

Jodi - posted on 12/11/2013

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I think you are being smart. Until you have found a solution that will protect you, he really needs to suck it up. If he wants sex that badly, he will find a way to put up with it until you know it is safe. I guess different people have success with different birth control. By the time I was in my 30s, any type of hormonal birth control really screwed with me, so we just used condoms until we were certain we'd finished our family, we had our daughter, and then my husband had a vasectomy. I would have a chat to your doctor about your options, and stick to your guns with the safety!!! It is very smart not to want another unplanned pregnancy when you know you can't financially afford it.

Hannah - posted on 12/11/2013

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I'm not giving an opinion on what you wrote although I understand the frustration on both sides. Get a coil or an implant long term no worrying all good

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/11/2013

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Sounds like perhaps it's time for you to change your pill. Get an implant. Get on the shots. Get depo. There is more than one option for BC on the side of the female. You can also go with sponges, foam...a plethora of options.

Personally, I hated condoms as well. When my husband & I decided we were done having kids, I got my tubes tied. That's 99% fool proof, at least. But, if you want more down the line and he's not willing to wear a condom, you still have plenty of methods to use to double up.

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