how do i adjust to being a new at home mom??

Ana - posted on 01/21/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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hey moms!

i've worked since i was 16, had a lazy ex-husband, and 2 beautiful children. I know have a great bf and we bought our own house an hr and a half from where we used to live. I love where we live and we have a great friend group in our new home. But we decided that I would stay home to help run our plumbing business and tutor my son who was just removed from special ed and needs all the help he can get academically. i'm new to staying home and having a hard time adjusting. I find myself doing more and more for my bf to the point that now i feel i'm not doing enough for him...truth be told, he never asks for anything! i know it's me. i know i'm trying to be super house-girlfriend because i no longer can contribute financially. i always knew being home would be tough for me because it's new to me...but i really feel like i'm loosing myself and my relationship is starting to show it. i am lucky to have this man who is supportive of me and my children and don't want to loose that spark. i've thought of hobbies but don't want to add anymore monthly debt to out household. everyone tells me to get a part time but i can't do that if i'm answering the phone for a 24/7 business. so i started to throw jewelry parties to bring in cash flow and keep me moving. i find that by the end of the day i have nothing to talk about. please give me any advise...any insite...anything at all!!!!! i want to be a happy at home mom. how do i make this transition emotionally and psychologically?

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Ana - posted on 01/21/2012

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Thank you Chrystal! Im just so used to being the financial head of household. Now i have to appreciate my new title. No one said that the right decisions in life were going to be the easy ones. And i gurless feeling a little vulnerable is part of being in a trusting and true relationship. Thanks for the encouragement.

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Chrystal - posted on 01/21/2012

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I find the people that are successful at stay home are those that learn a few things: how to self motivate, how to self challenge, learn their worth within the family, and learn their limits. It's not a job that someone is going to give you a "good job" for; most of the time anyway. It's not one that has someone looking after your progress. You need to figure out for yourself how to give yourself that praise and feeling of accomplishment or you're going to feel like you aren't doing anything important. Lets face it the generals of staying home can be mind numbingly boring at times so you need to figure out ways to challenge your mind the way work used to. I do that by picking a topic whatever it is and learning everything I can about it that takes nothing more than a Internet connection and library card. Right now I'm on a practical topic my son is about ready to start potty training so I'm learning all about it but before that it was dna sequencing methods (I like science lol) that makes my mind work and gives me things to talk about beyond housework and babies. Knowing your value is important try looking up on the Internet what your actual monetary value is staying home it's close to 100k a year job and that's not counting those phone calls you take all day for the business you are contributing A LOT to the family. We as women tend to under value ourselves. In work environments for example women are less likely to ask for a raise because they under value their contribution to the company don't sell what you do short. And last you talked about feeling your doing everything for your boyfriend even if it's to much stop you need to know and set limits you shouldn't run yourself ragged for any reason. Your health and happiness is just as important any other member of the family and you will be a better partner if you are happy. Hope something in all this is helpful to you

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