How do I/can I forgive husband physically pushing me down?

Jessica - posted on 09/11/2017 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Ok, so I am desperately looking for advice from other moms, and women in general. My husband refuses to go to marriage counseling or individual counseling. I am in individual counseling. We have been together 7 years and have two young girls. Our marriage has gradually declined over the past few years, the intimacy is nearly completely gone and I find myself fantasizing about leaving my husband. It bothers me that I enjoy the thought of leaving him. I have realized through much thought that our marriage started to decline two years ago when my husband got physically absuive with me in front of our girls.

The situation two years ago: I was making dinner in the kitchen and the girls were sitting at the table talking and waiting for dinner. My husband had been in a bad mood all day and he was being short with the girls. I got testy with him and told him he needed to ease up and chill out. He walked up to me and yelled at me to basically shut up. I turned to face him and I was angry that he wa acting this way. He puffed up his chest and bumped into me, yelling at me. I was pissed and did not back away but did not touch him. I yelled that he was being a jerk in front of the kids. He grabbed my neck and then used both hands and shoved me against the stove hard and I fell. The girls started screaming and crying and ran to their rooms. I went to the doctor and found out I had a dislocated rib and I had deep bruises on my neck and back and leg for almost two weeks. I told my husband to get counseling or I would leave. That was the worst day of my life. Seeing my girls upset and that my husband would hurt me like that over nothing essentially.

I thought I had gotten over that incident but I realized I have not gotten over it two years later. I realized this when my husband lost his temper at me the other day and I got afraid.

He apologized profusely for hurting me and promised he wouldn't do it again, and he hasn't. It was a one-time deal. There were no alcohol or drugs involved when he pushed me. He has never been abusive to our girls.

So two years later...can i forgive and move on or should I leave him? I can't seem to get over him pushing me but don't want to throw away a marriage over a possibly one time deal. I am so conflicted right now. Any advice or suggestions are welcome.

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Leslie - posted on 09/12/2017

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I applaud you for going to individual counseling and for reaching out. :) The incident that happened between you and your husband two years ago sounds really scary. Have you considered calling the national domestic violence hotline? It is 100% confidential and they will provide you with resources, information, and be able to answer any questions you have about the unhealthy aspects of your relationship. You are not alone! ♥ I will be praying for you and your family as you decide what to do next. Stay safe and please keep us updated.

Sarah - posted on 09/11/2017

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If you have not gotten past this in two years, even with counseling, then maybe your marriage is over. He made a grave error, but he asked for forgiveness and never acted out again. If you truly forgave him, then you'd not be afraid of him.
I wonder what sort of legal consequences he faced as the doctor was required to call the police (unless you were not honest about how you got hurt). It would not be your choice to pursue charges. That is all part of the battered women's act; many women were too afraid to report or testify. and women were often persuaded to drop charges. So the government took it out of the women's hands. So they had no say in what charges or what consequences were handed down to their assailant.

Ev - posted on 09/11/2017

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It says a lot when the husband won't consider going to counseling either for marriage or alone. It only takes once for it to cause fear of the other person in the relationship. How long have you been in counseling? What about the girls? Are they getting it too? Are you in constant fear he will do this again? What has your counselor told you--you do not have to tell us here--about sticking it out if he won't get counseling either? What has she advised --again you do not have to reveal that. Consider her advise. If you are in constant fear then seek out a woman's shelter.

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