How do I come to terms with summer visitation?

Ashley - posted on 05/20/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My son just went on his FIRST trip to his father's house 14 hours away for his dad's summer visitation. This is the first summer in six years that I haven't had my son; and I'm really torn. Will the seperation anxiety get easier? I'm feeling really lost and alone. Help!

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Keiona - posted on 05/21/2012

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I can completely understand where you are coming from. My daughter goes 13 hours away to visit her dad in the summers. The first time it was scary for me because she was only 3 and if she needed me i couldnt be there to her rescue instantly but as a parent i know he has every right to be there for her too so I had to accept that and let my guard down. I have the same issue with him with buying her affection, but I realize he doesn't get to see her everyday as I do so it's his weird twisted way of missing out on time. He has also been down to visit her a few times out the year and whenever they meet she gets an outrageous shopping spree of clothes and toys. But now the stress gets easier when she goes away because i scream YESSSSS i get a break! So enjoy the freedom and just contact him as often as you can. Sometimes so you dont overbear your baby just call his dad and see if he misses you and needs to talk to you without always talking to him so you can just check to see how he is making out. Believe me you will appreciate the vaca from everyday mommy!

Lourdes - posted on 05/21/2012

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It's definitely no picnic, but as the others say, take advantage and enjoy some "me" time. My son goes to his dad's 300 miles away for 45 days straight - not quite as long, but too long if you ask me! Luckily we are able to FaceTime several times a week and I speak with him every evening which makes it bearable. The first few days are the toughest I think...I find myself looking around for him because he's with me all the time so I find myself thinking I'm missing or forgetting something all the time. It's just that odd separation anxiety, but hang in there, he'll be back before you know it!

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Sheryl - posted on 05/21/2012

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Sounds as if you've got things under control. I've been having to send my two oldest daughters 1300 miles away for the past 8 summers. I panic a bit everytime. I'm also pretty nervous until they are home again. I let them call me when they feel they want to. My eldest daughter has a cell phone so I can reach them when I need to. The hardest part is when they come home from their fathers where there is no structure or responsability.There is always a period of adjustment when they come home. Now that they are teenagers its getting harder and harder. Dads the good guy that has all the fun with them and takes them all these different places and when they come home from that back to rules, structure, and school Mom is the "Meanie". Not looking forward to their leaving :(

Gwen - posted on 05/21/2012

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It's awesome that you are able to have such regular communication, especially the Skype so you can see him face to face and know that he is okay.

Ashley - posted on 05/21/2012

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I call him every other night (which sounds like a lot, but when you don't have them in your routine, it doesn't seem like enough). Also, we set up times to Skype twice a week.

Gwen - posted on 05/21/2012

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At least you can take some comfort in the fact that your son was excited about the trip and left happy. Is there anything in your agreement about phone contact? I can't imagine my daughter being with her father the entire summer...so I'm not much help there. I guess just enjoy the time you have to do "me" things and touch base with him once a week or so to see how he's getting along.

Ashley - posted on 05/21/2012

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He was super excited, but mainly because his bio dad is buying his love. He and his girlfriend/fiance bought him a dirtbike. E has been wanting one so badly. So, as soon as E found out about it, he's been more excited to see him then ever before.

I dont think it's right to buy his love like that. He has finally stepped up to the plate, which I'm thankful for, but then took advantage of the situation.

Ashley - posted on 05/21/2012

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He just left this past weekend and I won't get to bring him home until the first week in August. So, he's gone for the entire summer.

Michelle - posted on 05/20/2012

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take advantage of the time he is gone and get some me time in, is he gone for the whole summer or just part my son goes for two weeks in the first month and two in the second month so I still get some of the fun time with him.

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